My husband and I have been married soon to be 17 years Aug 28, 2005. We have 3 children (16, 12 & 3). In 1993 my husband had a physical affair, we had couseling for 1 day. His reasons for the affair was and still is: I'm not attractive, my skin color is to dark, I'm abrasive,mean and he loves me but not in-love with me. He also says that I have good standards, good morals, I'm intelligent and a good wife. Since 1993 my H has had several EA on the internet, I have caught him each time. I've confronted him each time, he denies some and admitts to some saying he talks about me to them to get advice about how to interact with me.

In move out in 2002 for 2 weeks when our youngest child was 3 months old, he moved for the same reasons listed above until he lost his job 2 weeks into the separation. He was unemployed for 3 years, he just returned to work this year 05/2005. He came back home pleading with me that he would change and that he would do whatever I wanted to make the marriage work. I wanted counseling, he said we could fix it ourselves. While I was at work he was on the computer, even our older kids saw him, caught him on the computer and phone, but I keep hoping he would change. I never stressed him about work, eventhough, my family was very upset with me. He never spent time with me, only for sex and now he wants to leave agin. He now talks to me as if we are the best of friends and that we are just moving out on our own. He kiss me, hugs me and is sexual with me. We have never really had knock down drag out arguments, when we talk our conversations are good. However, as of 08/2005 were are separating again, this time we both are moving into different places by 09/2005 I think I've taken enough of being alienated. I HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN DISHONEST IN ALL OF OUR MARRIAGE.

He constantly apologizes for hurting me, but he doesn't say he wants to work it out. I thinks he think he will have his cake and eat it too, but after I move I will have no contact with him. He needs to feel and really see what he has asked of our marriage.

I need to not feel like I'm ulgy or unattractive. My oldest son asked me why I stayed so long in the marriage and that he has always known what his dad was doing in the bedroom on the computer behind closed doors.

I love my H, but I hate what he has done to me, I feel used and abused by someone who I loved, cherished, and honored. I also feel like I'm being punished, I get the short end of the stick, when he flourishes. He's unemployed for 3 years, gets a job making 100,000 year, I was better creditor now I'm not. He has gotten me sued for 10,000 , his vehicle repossed and now my wages garnished for 10,000 mentioned above. He prospers and I sink.

Will it get better, what are the chances he will change and I know I need to lok after me and my kids. One good note he agreed to pay me 1,200 a month for the kids.

Any suggestions or comments.

I am in no way cerified, but if you have tried everything there is to try and still nothing but empty promises...it takes two hun. Two people need to work together, reading the forums and the books here, it seems like there is a lot of useful information in here, and some really good advice. But you have to look into your heart and understand your instincts..listen to them, life is tough and short enough already, you can only change you, do it for the better..=)I wish you well and always look in that mirror and know you are beautiful, because you bore his 3 children, you stood by your man, as you are still there trying..You are strong and beautiful. Just know that sometimes, you have to move on. Best wishes, chin up=)
Terri

I hear a lot of he did this and he did that.

I did hear a small blurb about how mean and abbrassive you are.

My point is, if he came on here and typed out his story I am curious if it would ring the same.

Now, there is never, ever any good excuse for an affair.
And he is certainly in the wrong for that.

But right now you have to decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not. If you do it is possible it might be saved. But you have to follow MB's philosophies here, starting with LBers. In your case read Plan A/B as well.