Hello all. Here is my situation.

Dday was 6/20/05. I was 38 weeks pregnant. My H's A had been going on for 4 months. I found out about the A because my H had become very distant and our sex life had become non-existent so I read his journal to find out what was wrong. He has a hard time opening up and letting me know his true feelings. I was not expecting to find out he was having an A, but there it was in writing. It said he had found someone and it was the best sex he had ever had but he still loved me. I was completely crushed that he would do this to me especially when I was pregnant with our first child.

Well I confronted and he came clean. We have now started MC and are trying to reconnect. We have become intimate again. Today we made love and it was amazing. The rest of my day was good until that statement popped back into my head..."she is the best sex he has ever had." Now I can't help but wonder if I actually pleased him or was he thinking how much better it was with her! I am trying to tell myself that we make love and they just had sex. He is trying to make it special when we make love and during that time I completely forget about the A, but afterwards it all comes back and I can't help but doubt myself.

I just wish it could be like it used to be, but I know it will never be the same. I never doubted myself before. I thought he wanted to be with me and only me. Will this feeling ever go away? Will I ever be able to have make love and not worry that my H is wishing he were somewhere else?

Hi RM,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Just to let you know I am like your husband. I cheated on my wife of 17 years.. unlike your situation, our sex life was always good, and the sex with the OW is good, but I feel its not any better than it was with my wife. What we were missing was the happiness, the connection that my wife and I had for so long. Dont know where or when it exactly went away but I found it in the OW. I cannot imagine the pain you or my wife are going thru, but I hope in time the feeling will go away. Time heals....
Ciao

In addition to your pregnancy and birth, you are dealing with very very strong emotional issues.

Please go see your doctor and get some assistance. Post pardtum (sp???) and anxiety are more than most can handle. Also you have a very young life dependent on you.

Call your doctor. Then if you can, call Steve H @ MB for some phone counseling.

You will get past the triggers and his foolish talk. He needs to make you feel safe. You won't for a while but will in time IF he is really into recovery. If he gets angry or wants to blame you for his A, then you are not in recovery.

BTW, sex is often best with a stranger until the excitment of the A wears off. You are in a M not a ONS.

Remember OWs stink. So much for great sex if she smells. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Best to work with your doctor and Steve H.

take care,
L.

Hello,
Welcome to Marriagebuilders. This is a wonderful place to be in our situation.
Even when in you are in recovery, I have to say that the comparison of yourself to OW just does't seem to go away. That is my biggest issue. It's been 8 mo since d-day #1 and 5 mo since d-day #2. Even though, over all things are going pretty well between my WH and I, those thoughts of her just won't go away for me. I am trying to believe he is telling me the truth and that it is over but there is so much doubt in my heart. He has been wonderful for the most part. I am trying to be positive.

Every time we have SF she pops into my mind, and for the past 6 months we have had sf a few times per week, unlike before. Sometimes I cry during sf. He is understanding.

I think back over my life and I have never really had a low self esteem, until now, since his affair. Suddenly I am not any "good" anymore, if he had to go elsewhere?? There had to be a reason for that!!!!!

It hurts so much, doesn't it? My WH won't talk much about their sex life, but I know that during the time they were together he could not "finish" things with me.
That hurts so much. He still has those moments. He is on anti-depressants and blames it on that, but he has been on the same drug for years and never had a problem before!! Tonight was one of those nights. Of course my thoughts.... did he have sf with ow today?... or is he thinking of her?
It's supposed to be over with her.....


I wish you the best. It is hard enough to go through this, let alone during a pregnancy and/or near child birth. I hope you and your Wh get through this.

Please continue to post here. After childbirth one's emotions can be all over the place. You will need the support and everyone here is so wonderful. The best of luck to you!!

Suzy