FWH and I went to MC last night. My husband and I both had questions about asking each other to end relationships that we did not feel were health for our marriage.

Example I gave her - I met a gay woman at church several years ago. We became great friends. So did she and my husband. I got a job where she worked and so on. After a year or so she made it clear to me she would like to have an affair with me. She became obsessive (sp). It was to the point that I was afraid. I quit my job and ended the friendship. I asked my husband to end his friendship with her as well. My husband did not beleive that it was as bad as I was saying. He continued his relationship as friends with her even though I asked him not to.

Another relationship is min with my ex husband.

The MC acted dumbfounded. She said that it was not my place or my husbands to decide who we have as friends. She spent the whole hour trying to make me understand that I can not tell him who he can have as friends.

I was very upset when I left. I feel we need friends of the marriage not relationship that we may feel is not healthy. She never explained where she was going with her thinking. I felt like I was in the hot set. She did say that next week would be my husbands turn. I am thinking maybe why he chose to continue relationships I had asked that he did not.

I am really confused and frustrated. I was feeling really good when I went in but terrible when I cam out.

Any ideas on her thinking? Am I upset over nothing?

Not a very good MC. Best to start shopping again. Or pick up the phone and talk to the Harley's.

And did you ever take this woman before the church? She was wrong on two counts, homosexuality and trying to engage in adultery. The best thing you could have done is bring her before the elders or the pastor.

In His arms.

"The MC acted dumbfounded. She said that it was not my place or my husbands to decide who we have as friends."

I have a hard time believing a therapist would offer such advice! To me, it's no different than telling your kid that he cannot "hang out" with known drug addicts. This is what we do to protect those we love. I agree w/ MM - start looking for another MC!

You do not appear to have a very pro-marriage MC.

You are purchasing a service. Since you are paying for it, you get to determine its usefulness to you and its quality.

Ask her if she has read Harley's (SAA, HNHN), Carder's (i.e. Torn Asunder), Spring's (Not Just Friends) and Pitman's (Private Lies) writings on inappropriate extramarital relationships (and not just affairs, either). If she hasn’t read these give her the boot. If she has, find out what she does and does not agree with in them. (This implies you and H should read them, too.)

Ask her what she thinks of the concept of married singles.

Ask her what she thinks about the difference between privacy and secrecy.


Here are two MB articles you may find helpful:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7100_counselor.html

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_cod.html


Added: Perhaps the most telling quesion you can ask a prospective MC is some version of, "What do you think about exposure?"


With prayers,