Makes no sense to use a AT & T card on his cell. As far as I can tell the call lasted 2 minutes.
.
I think they have found a more covert way of commuicating. Time to talk to my MC. Except for the absense of physical love (but more hugging) I thought we had been getting better.

Thoughts? Even if it's just to tell me I'm on the right track. I think this means that I'm headed straigt to plan B.

If there is contact with OW ... what is the first thing you plan to do?

Be specific... and remember ... plan ahead.

Remain cool. You can control yourself, and not much else.

PS...

You can simply state something without asking a question:

"I noticed you called an AT&T calling card number from your cell phone. ..."

Then stand there and watch ... say nothing more.

Defensiveness is a big clue.

So I do this in person not over the phone to gauge his response better.

Should I ask him, why would someone with a cell phone need a long distance calling card? That way I wouldn't give away my source?

It's all about planning and getting organized.

Personally, I wouldn't even ASK a question ... just state what you KNOW ... and watch.

yes, in my mind, in person is much better.

Good luck!

Patience. UGG.

Just talked to WH. I did not bring it up but he knows I am down. He said a lot of stuff that was hopeful,sweet, and nice. I will wait until I see him tomorrow night, he's out of town for a performance. Patience. He asked what he could do to help me. He brought up the Mankind Project.

How will I maintain my svelte weight when my life becomes less filled with anxiety and my appetite returns?

May I suggest you NOT be "down"?

You can get a lot more out of this up-comming encounter with reality if you enter not pre-stressed.

I know, this is asking a lot of you, but it is for your benifit. If you control your mood to at least "neutral", you will increase your chances of hearing the truth.

Pep is right. In person. And just state the fact...and let him fill in the blanks.

If it is innocent, he will immediately see how it is affecting yo uand fall all over himself to explain.

If it isnt, he will get defensive or stammer and not have a coherent answer.

But if you question, he will take it as an attack. And an attack, he can deal with.

So, just state what you know...and then be quiet. And see what the man has to say. Again, if it is innocent, the last thing you want to do is go off on him. if it isnt, you want him to go off. Then you can decide what you will do.

In His arms.

Thanks Pep and Mort.

Control my mood to neutral, do not be down.

Confront in person and just simply state what I know.

The next time I will see him will be 11:20 p.m. tomorrow evening. It will be late, is that too l ate to confront? I don't know how to lead into it. "Welcome back. Have a nice trip? Wanna beer? I know you have a calling card." Is that how its done?

I have caught my breath and have exercised my mental health with some everyday conversations with co-workers. Feeling a bit better, but shakey.

The town he is performing in has awful reception and last weekend he had to coordinate with someone here to submit a grant to meet a deadline. This is why he may have needed a calling card.

I’ve been trying to think why he used a calling card on his cell phone yesterday. Well, he has two performances today in that unfriendly cell phone town. Perhaps the two minute call on his cell yesterday was just to find out how much time he has left on his card.

Still, I need to ask him about the card, but I do feel slightly better knowing that there may be a reasonable or logical excuse. I have found neutral...

So I waiting until Friday evening at 11:30 p.m. to ask him about the card. We were at a restaurant. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

That night at 2 a.m. we SF, without kissing.

Next morning I search his car and I find a book with her initials in it (one of my childhood favorites) and a burned CD (OW made a lot of burned CDs).

SO I go upstairs and I confront him about the stuff. He said its relics of the relationship and he hasn't known what to do about it. He has been thinking about giving it to her or mailing it or dropping it off.

I asked him if he woulf like me to drop off the things for him, he quickly said no. I replied that is how I feel about him dropping the stuff off. I told him that with a X boyfriend, even though he was a jerk, there was a while I would still have gone back to him. But there was a point when I switched off from him completely. WH said he has not reached that point yet.

Comes downtsairs we have breakfast and read the paper and I told him I still don't understand about the long distance calling card. It makes no sense and I know one was used on his phone but he tells me different and it makes me feel like I'm going crazy. He then confesses that he got a $5 card to call her about the stuff and never actually called her, he started to but hung up and threw away card.

I ended up giving away my source, and he also said that once he dialed her number and hung up before it went through. I thanked him for his honesty.

I gave him the marriage recovery contract I put together with MC and asked him to look it over, see if there were things he wanted to add, ect. (I feel extremely sheepish that it took me so long to get this to him, me feeding off his lack of enthusiasm and trying to please him).

WH was out of town Saturday night for work and came home Sunday evening. We talked about life, had a private late night dinner and watched Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

I found a cell phone that I thought may be secret but was a friends work phone. I did not let WH know about this source of anxiety.

Today I checked WH's on-line cell records and I accessed them, but his records between July 15- Aug 14 were gone, and there were no current records of today. Now this may be a transition into a new billing period...(just called t-mobile, it is, will take at longest 24 hours).

Anyone else think its back on?

bump

Honest question

If he is still sneaking around making some OW contact .... what is your preference?

continue Plan A awhile longer?

or

get Plan B going on the fast track?

You will need an honest evaluation of your love bank

and your ability to NOT LB for more Plan A....

go online and check his cell phone records-he can't deled those

and i found a calling card # on my husband's sell phone also!

Loy,

I don't believe we've posted to each other before but you did pose a question and I will give you my opinion as one who does not know your history, but simply based on what you've stated.

It's on. You’re not crazy

Denial of any knowledge of the calling card was used to stall and edit his response. He needed to give a plausible explanation that would cover all the bases as he sees them and placate your concerns. He then came up with an explanation that would have covered any evidence collected i.e. "Yeah I called that number, but hung up". It's inculpatory without being damning.

That plus the CD, the missing phone records.....the balance of probabilities are too high IMHO. Also...innocent people get angry when accused of something they did not do...interrogators look for that righteous indignation.

Pep’s question is what’s important now.

I think I have done a rather good Plan A. I am comfortable when I am with him, but I am not comfortable when I am not.

I feel controlled sometimes by his moods, he is sick, he is tired, he is stressed. All of these things seem to tell me, "leave me alone" or "be nice to me".

Also, he will say things like, "lets do this" and when I bring up an alternative option, he will want to change our other plans. As if we shouldn't spend more time together than he wants.

We also have some very nice times. But no kissing really.

Do I need more hard data?

I could hire a PI for this weekend. I found a phone jack in our house that is unoccupied under our bed. I could try to get her cell phone records.

I get caught up a lot on if it's "really back on" or not. Maybe that means I'm not quite confident in Plan B?

Pep, I'll think about your question more tonight.

Is the calling card thing enough proof on its own that the A is on again?

I would think he would have told you that he needed to buy a long distance card to make those calls in the bad reception town. Red flags about that, the phone bill, the CD, the book,and especially your feeling crazy...your gut. Trust your gut.

It must be very difficult with him having to be out of town so frequently. I don't envy you that situation a bit.

Michael Edelsteins, 'Three Minute Therapy' may be of help to you. (Rational Emotive Therapy)

If he is in contact with QW, what is your plan..more plan A or going to plan B?

When recovery was real it felt very different than when it wasn't. In real recovery there was real remorse and real reassurance. He was very attentive and will to take a very active role in recovery.

What does your gut say?

Is he IN or is he OUT of the marriage right now?

All you can do is make it inviting for him to be IN.

If he does not commit to being IN .... your healthiest choice (in my opinion) is to plan B him with a very strong loving Plan B letter in his hands.

I know we are not in recovery, but I thought he might have been in withdrawal. He's being more attentive, he's called me 3 times today. But it's like pulling teeth to organize counseling with his schedule and he is so busy that it keeps me at arms length.

He will be home tonight at 7 or 7:30 because he has two meetings. And he'll have more meetings tomorrow cause he is looking to hire a director.

He's making dinner for us. All he wants to do tonight is to be with the girls and me. Well, they go to bed at 8:30 or 9.

But the question is, is he IN or OUT? His priorities are not obvious.

Has he changed his cell phone? Not yet.
Has he registered for ManKind Project? Not yet.

I do not feel I understand his intentions.