My D (16) and I have been doing much better and getting stronger as time goes on. Counseling seems to be doing wonders for the both of us.

STBXH moved in with OW (his secretary) and her 3 sons, and basically abandoned D and I. Of course, he is still trying to blame us for all of his problems (he is 40, MLC, alcoholic). He has made my D's life miserable and she is finally standing up to him and telling him her true feelings. She basically has told him that and also she is not comfortable being around his "new family" all the time, she doesn't remember the last time they spent time together alone, he blames her for doing things she hasn't done (drinking, drugging), he has held her back with false promises (if you make good grades or in middle school if she passed up cheerleading, she would get a vehicle in high school - she makes A's & B's in all honors classes), he embarrasses her when drinking and she has lost so many friends because of it (but now, she has friends), etc.

When she told him all of this, he has pretty much has blown a fuse. Everytime the two of them speak (phone mostly, one visit in driveway), she usually ends up hanging up on him (because he begins cussing at her). I have learned to stay out of the relationship between them because I was always trying to fix it and make things better.

The last few days have really been hectic. He called her asking her to go with him to Houston to visit his family (aunt from Minnesota, uncle in Houston, cousins from Shreveport) with him and OW. She told him she had to think about it. She then called her aunt in Minnesota and told her that she would love to see her and missed her very much, but she did not want to go with OW because she is uncomfortable with her. She was going to tell her dad if he wanted to go with just her, she would go, but if OW was going, she was going to pass. Aunt totally understood and said, he felt the same way when he was younger (his dad did the same thing, had OW and pushed her on him at a younger age and he didn't like it).

When she called her dad back and asked him if the two of them could go without OW, he told her, no - OW was going. So she told him she would pass. She then asked if he wanted to pick her up when he returned for a night or two, but he told her no, because he didn't understand why she would go stay with them for a night or two, but not go on a trip with them for 2 days. She ended up hanging up on him again.

D now has her driver's license and has been driving my truck (which is actually too big for her to handle). But the truck is on both my H and I's name. He originally was going to sign the truck over to me, but now since there is equity in the truck, he is trying to force me into settling up assets before the divorce. One of the reasons he is doing this is because it is too hard for him to support two families (pays me $2250/mo. spousal & child support) and we also have a lot of home equity (D and I live in). He has tried to force me to stop her from driving because his name is on the truck and he thinks he would no longer be responsible if his name were removed. I told him he is responsible no matter what. His last statement to me and has even told D was he is going to disown or emancipate her. I know this hurts D, but he is hurting himself so much more. I know he cannot emancipate her because all parties have to be in agreement, but it is ashame what he is doing to his only child. He will never win!!

I am letting my lawyer handle everything and am not making any moves without her input. I really think STBXH is going to hit bottom soon because he cannot handle all of the mess he has made. I truly wish he would get the help he needs and have told him this. We are actually talking civilly, but I am standing up for myself and D - but he is listening to the truth we are telling him. He is just refusing to change and get help.

I am sorry this is so long, but if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions of anything else I should be doing, please let me know. I am feeling so much better since I see my D is taking care of herself and getting her feelings out - and I know we will be so much better in the future. He can either get the help he needs or he will be out of our lives. It will be his choice and his loss.

Sassygal