He phoned and said we had to meet ASAP for he "has to" talk to me about his relationship with our son.
His counselor's advise! And also X has to tell me what the counselor said about that (his R with our son).

I didn't know he's in IC, and he says it's for some issues he has, most of it - "that terrible feeling of guilt that's killing (him)".

I said - "Strange, how come that feeling of guilt doesn't kill your R with her?"

He said - "How do you know that it does not?"

Why this now? It's been 1,5 yrs since D and 4,5 yrs. since they have R, I don't think he tries to get us together with this (nor I want)...
What's your opinion, please?

I think he doesn't love her and no happy with her, otherwise he would not have this feeling of guilt(?)
i.e. IMO, if someone feels guilty, that one would stop doing those things that make them feeling guilty...
I think this feeling protects him from consequences of wrongdoings ('I'm not a bad guy for I can feel guilt')...
Or excuse he doesn't want to make official his R with OW, because he is aware she's not happiness for his life?
(Or it's just my wish! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

Am I wrong?

Maybe he becomes aware now of how big mistake he made, for his family IS better than OW...

Or what else, please?
Maybe he's happy with her but still feel guilty?


PS: I do try to be his friend, would like to help him somehow, but not that he makes a fool from me again... (No, no way for getting back together, I'm out and fine, just curious, and yes, still want them no peace nor happiness together... forgive me, God!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Please your opinions!

I think your XH's happiness, or unhappiness is not your concern.

Drop it .... don't bother wasting precious neuron juice trying to figure out XH's mood 'd jour.

Make it your business to STAY OUT of HIS business ~~~~ with the obvious exception of how you agree to co-parent.

Other than that ... who cares? Go write a book instead. Go train for a marathon instead. Go garden. Do anything but waste your wonderful life wondering about what XH has on his plate.

Look at your plate ... and enjoy the feast in front of you.

You earned yourself a " GET OUT OF JAIL FREE" pass .... the day you divorced his screwyness.

In my humble opinion, trying to be his "friend" after being his wife cannot and will not ever happen. Nor should it.

Being his "friend" reduces you to the level of everyone else. You are not his "friend." You WERE his wife and you ARE the mother of his children. That makes you completely different from everyone else in the world.

Besides, do "friends" treat you the way your WXH has treated you?
Mulan

OK, got it what deserved it :-

Pep, you talk like my mom <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
And you are very right!

Not to make excuses for my curiousity (killed the cat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />), but I do enjoy my life with my son, (I DO!), besidee full-time job and full-time being mom, I do even garden <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> (bought a house and life IS wonderful!)

Well, I just wanted to [censored] a WS's mind...
And, yes, I still wait for bad news about him them (I really think I'm over, my mom says I'm not because I still want to know about them... and I think it's just because... how to say that... if there is Justice....... that a happiness cannot be built on deceits, lies... well, I guess I don't know to explain why I want them apart...)

Mulan, I don't know how to give up hope that one day he'll be honest and we'll be able to be... yes, friends... Imagine how much that would be better for my son!!

Of course he is not, now, neither he was; Friend in my own language means a total honesty and help when needed and no harm.

Sometimes I just think that co-parenting would be better...

For I also feel guilty that I make wrong choices and, therefore, my son has no 'full family' now...

Btw, I said to him we should talk then...
And I really mean it - to see if whatever he feels and goes to IC for might affect my son!

Seriously .... go make yourself a

GET OUT OF JAIL FREE

card .... and carry it in your wallet .... for when you need to remind yourself that you don't reside in that particular "jail" any more.

Hi B2M

Once upon a time you hit the bottom but you survived. You have only one way to go & that's up.

Think of yourself. It's not being selfish.It will make you a better person, parent & friend to those who have not hurt you & killed that friendship. Be 'friendly' to X but you don't have to be his friend. There's too much baggage to be his friend especially when he has not redeemed himself for the hurt he's caused you.

It's good that he feels pain from the guilt which is now haunting him. It shows that there is some justice in the world. It's God's will, karma, whatever, according to your belief system. If he ultimately feels pain after doing a bad thing, it will help him learn to be a better person.

His guilt is not your concern. He has to work it through by himself just as you probably got no help from him in fighting your grief when he betrayed you.

Involving yourself in his self-inflicted problem risks a setback in your recovery. Think long & hard before you take such a risk.

Huh...

Thank all of you...

I know you are right...

BUT, tell me, how else I can know what he's going through that will affect MY SON???
How can I not be interested in what relationship he has with our son?
My son is almost 4, big enough to tell me some things, but not most of it...?

Do you understand why I accept to have that meeting and discuss about his depression related to his R with our son...?

Being friends... what I meant is - being kind and talk sometimes nicely, and help each other, why not?!
If I can help him (with advise and talk), why wouldn't I - wouldn't it benefit MY SON???

If I had no son with him I would never ever speak any word with him! Ever. Never see him as well!

But I have to, due to the law, due to my son's sake!?!

And I know I struggle with what kind of R to have with him that'd be most beneficial FIRST for MY SON!

Maybe I should get some raising a child of divorce counseling...