I am having such a bad day and it's morning- I have not been to sleep until 2am and up at 4. Everytime I close my eyes i thinkof h with ow. I talked to my cousin (is her district manager) yesterday and she informed me that OW (has another guy on the side) that she is so smug with herself and is holding her head up high at work like it's no big deal that my h is with her. That she has heard that if I was taking care of things at home he wouldnt be with me. He called yesterday and I was so proud of my self that I did not beg or plead but just answered his questions and hung up.
She tells me that ow is slimmer and has a walk about her.
I have been going to the gym and have not been eating. (i feel like im having withdrawl pains)
I know that I am giving my power awway by thinking of her and my H.
My MIL calls me everyday to see how I am and tells me - Pray and be patient- he will be back- this is not going to last long. What god has put together - no man can put asunder, and that god did not sanction this union.
I dont even want to get out of bed- but have to go to work.
Please tell me he is suffering- or losing sleep- or anything- I cant believe I am going thru all this alone.
I joined church (before I found him with her) and have been going and it seems like im never getting out of this valley.
I want to run away and leave the state so bad. I dont want to be here anymore and want to take kids and just start over somewhere. I know my family and his family will miss the kids and they have roots here but I cannot keep facing this. i want it all to stop.

wk,

I'm so sorry you find yourself in such a terrible situation. After a night of churning thoughts and no sleep, the world seems dark indeed. With the initial shock of discovering your spouse's infidelity, it seems your whole world has fallen apart. You will get through this. You have found a good place with good people, unfortunately, with experience dealing with infidelity. First read everything you can on this site, especially everything about Plan A. Read the link to ark^^'s post in my signature. Go to a doctor, better yet, a psychiatric specialist. You are in for a long haul and need your sleep and your strength, you might need medication to help you sleep. Take care of yourself. Strive to keep your home a safe and calm place for you and your children. Resist the urge to do anything rash. Keep your children's best interests in focus.

Who have you told about the affair? Gather a good strong support group around you that wants to help you save your marriage.

i have told everyone and yes the people on the site are so supportive.
I dont understand what is happening to me today- I feel lower than I have. I thought I was moving past this but everytime I get up I feel like life is knocking me down.
It is so bad... I slept on the floor of my bedroom last night. I was praying and just laid down cried and finally went to sleep.
Why cant he be suffering and going thru the h*ll im in.

wk,

So sorry that you are going through this. Hang out here & continue seeking the advice that is offered you. I feel your pain and can relate to what you are going through. I have felt the same way. It seems like it would be easier to just pick up and leave, but it's not the answer. I have thought of doing that exact same thing on many occasions.

I am coming to realize that this is a much longer journey than I first thought.....

Hugs to you & blessings,

Kimberly
D-Day, May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years
In NC stage

thanks- I just wish I had a clue of what stage he is in and is he even waking up?

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It has been over 6 years for me since the OW approached me in a parking lot at the grocery store to expose my H's affair to me ( in the hopes that I would instantly divorce him?!) I did not eat much or sleep well for 3 months. I started going to the gym every day, but not because the OW was thinner than me (to add insult to injury, she was both heavier and uglier than me). I went to the gym, because I was able to "work off" my anger,anxiety and stress there. It was the only place that made me feel better. As a consequence, I lost 20 pounds and got into the best shape of my life. This raised my self esteem after it had been crushed by my H. To this day, I still go to the gym to relieve the ever-present hurt that is still with me. It is my "safe place" and because people noticed my weight loss and improvement, it became the place I go to keep my self esteem in place. Going to the gym was the only positive that came out of my agony. Today, I can actually thank the OW (I still hate her, though) and my H (will never love him the same again) for the impetus to change my life. Going to the gym not only made me healthier, brought back my self esteem, and helped me deal with my anger and hurt, it also gave me my new career. I found out that I was good at helping other people get fit, and went back to school (my H said I would never finish school) and on academic scholarship received my bacholors degree in exercise science. Because of this, I have my own life and identity separate from him. Although I am still married to him and still try to work on my marriage, it will never be the same. Regretfully, in 6 years, I have been unable to feel anything more than affection for him, and often wish he had moved out the day I found out about the affair. I hope your situation turns out better as far as the marriage is concerned. Still, I want to let you know that good things can come out of bad, and that you can feel better. It takes time and hard work, and it is not fair. The truth is that my H is suffering, because he lost the love of a beautiful, intelligent woman who now gets lots of attention from other men, and who his friends envy him for "having." The best "revenge" you can have for your H is to take care of yourself and take charge of your life. Keep going to the gym, but not because the OW was thinner, but do it for you. Right now you need and deserve all the TLC you can get. Know that there are people who have been there and there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it won't be easy. Take care,

Mary

wk,

hmm... your WH has just left you, his faithful waife and mother of his children, for some floosy that is involved with more than one man at a time? I'd say he's in deep fog country. Don't believe anything he says and don't even think about reasoning with him --- he's not your H right now. Think of it as if an alien from outerspace has inhabited his body. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. Secure your finances, get legal and medical advice. Get yourself checked for sexually transmitted diseases. Protect yourself and your children.

Read up on WAT's guide to exposure.

Thanks all- I did Secure finances, get legal and medical advice. Get yourself checked for sexually transmitted diseases. Protect yourself and your children.
Legal said - seperation- it isnt anything but an agreement between 2 only divorce can be actioned on. We did settle on finances.
disease free-
This is hard because He was my first and only partner/love and He is just throwing me away.
He said you got the house, car, finances, etc now I can move on.He said which would I rather have him at home cheating or him out- i move on and he may see the grass is not greener and come back and do right by me.
How can you say things like this after 24 years:.
I not in love with you anymore- I dont want to do things with you (movies, etc) It hurts too much when we talk or see each other etc.

wk, I usually post on recover but your post caught my eye. I don't know your story or how long it's been since d-day, but you will survive this. I didn't have to Plan A my H, but he thought he was soooo in-love. OW couldn't be knocked off her pedestal. She accepted him and made him feel like such a good person. Blah, blah, blah. His withdrawal was horrendous. I would wake up in the middle of the night and hold him while he had panic attacks and knew he was crying over losing her. Oh it was so much fun. I'm telling you this because 19 months later he has no good memories of her. It disgusts him to think about the sex with her. He knows he would have been a very miserable man with her.

The experts here can advise you better than I on Plan B if that is where you're at. I just want you to know your H is very fogged out and hopefully he will come out of the fog before you're gone.

Are you on an AD? If not consider one. The 1st 2 weeks after d-day I couldn't eat, sleep, function, and was crying all the time. Symptoms of a major depressive episode. I knew I needed to have my wits about me so got on an AD and it really helped me cope with the situation.

Keep on posting and getting it out here. Sending you a big hug! CV

Thanks cv55- I am going to go to the clinic tomorow for some relief. I need sleep badly. He has left us and moved into her house. hes not w/me.
If I make it thru this - I will never get myself in this situation again. I will not lose myself and my self esteem and pride.