Don't settle for less, Kim. You will pay an enormous price if you do.

MelodeyLane -

I have talked with WH about quitting his job & finding another one, he has tried to find another one off & on for quite some time anyway since the hours suck. He has sent out a number of resumes but no luck. The job market is terrible here. I know there are lower paying jobs available that would be lower than what he is capable of, like many others we are unfortunately financially strapped at this point. He has been trying to get his real estate career going off & on for a few years on the side. In the last two weeks he has been putting more effort into it, but that is not very dependable.

I have a very secure job, have been there 10 years. I am not tied down to it though & the thought of moving is very appealing. My family will provide me with a position in the business where they live which is 2 hours away. We could live with my parents until WH finds a job, but it would still put us in a tight financial situation. My Dad would help us out I am pretty sure. I have looked a little bit on-line to find a job down in that area for him. Have thought of taking this matter into my own hands & sending his resume out. What do you think?

I would like to move. I would like to get away from this town that now only holds memories of the A. I don't think WH would agree to go. I know how to present it to him in a caring way, but I know what his answer would be. We live in an area where there is always something to do or see, lots of shopping, entertainment close by. Moving would put us in an area that is "slower" living(fine by me) and just not quite as "advaned".

How do you get a WH to move when they don't want to?? If he's not willing to move, how do you get the WH to quit their job?? I asked my brother to keep his ears open for a job for WH(brother does not know about the A) and my sister to check with her husband.

I reread your post about contactng OWH. I know it would be good to touch base with him and compare notes. I know you are right ......... I have been reading your posts to eav, she had the same fears I did......

Kim

One other thing that WH said in MC - MC asked WH if he would ever be able to "let me go". WH said no, that he loves me and will always love me??????????? It is just the passion & the "being in love " thing that is not there for him.

WH said when he says he loves me, he does not take that lightly. That it is not something he would just say.

After that the MC explained how couples grow apart & that we just needed to take steps to grow back together again...that it would take time......

I know there is great hope for our M. WH has seemed a little more distnant to me since Friday though & it is making me concerned.

Kim

Kim, you are right, you can't make your H move, but you should be setting your boundary about no contact instead of giving him the impression that you will settle for "rare" contact. If he were a crack addict, would you settle for "rare" usage of crack? Do you think he would ever recover under those conditions? See what I mean?

It's very important that you set up boundaries to protect yourself, Kim, because he is not going to do that. And this is one that you will pay dearly for years to come, if you are not firm in your stance. No contact means NO CONTACT, even if y'all have to move to freakin Italy. Do not settle for less or you will live to regret it.

This is one of the reasons I had suggested you expose them at work. If their supervisors know about the affair, sometimes they can step in an make sure that contact doesn't take place. And sometimes, one of them will leave their job over it. If contact is still taking place, and I betcha a $100 it is, this is something I would highly recommend.

Four Rules to Guide Marital Recovery After an Affair:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

How about discussing this with your H and printing it out for your MC?