Aphelion, I sympathize and I understand where you are coming from. I am also told "Why can't you just relax?" This from a man who abused my trust so badly that I have no way of knowing what is real and what is not at any given moment -- not when it comes to him.

But I am blamed for ruining our marriage because, as he angrily snarls, "You don't trust me!"

FWS are welcome to post here, but they've got to remember where they are. You don't walk into a burn ward and start lighting matches while yelling, "Don't worry! This won't hurt you! See, it doesn't hurt ME! Why can't you just relax? Hey, why are you upset with ME?"

Mulan

Believer,

I don't think anyone is condoning not telling the OP's S. I think a post got misinterpreted. GBH had a problem w/exposure to the entire family on a holiday. I think that's a very big difference than calling the OP's S & exposing.

gentlsoul -

I'm happy that the OM's wife knew in your case. But there are tons of WS's who DON'T want the OP's spouse to know. Kind of like it is none of their business to have the knowledge that they have been exposed to UNSAFE SEX, and sometimes not just with one other person, but like the whole football team.

I agree Believer, most WS's don't want the OP's spouse to know. It's the right thing to do though, and I am pretty darn sure all the Former WS's that have posted on this thread would agree with you.

So, luckily I think we are all in agreement on that.

Totally OT:

Dear, brave Justuss. Somebody should pay you overtime!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OK,, ***( getting my back-up ready and in position!!)***

Again, support, SUPPORT,, S U P P O R T!!!

Marriage BUILDING!!!

Disgaree with theories, ideas, comments, suggestions.

DO NOT attack other posters personally!!!!!


****backing away slowly*****

I suppose there are more triggers in FWS posts on here than I ever expected.

The posts I have trouble with are at their fundamental core self-justifying excuses and you-are-making-it-worse complaints that BS must expose on the WS schedule (or else X, Y and Z will happen). This sense of entitlement is precisely what is in that post that pushed my buttons.

You want to talk about exposure on Christmas Day? FWW moved out the day before Christmas so OMM could join her. She left DS crying in the doorway. Was that OK, WS’s? Is that my fault, too? According to WS’s on this thread the whole LTA is my fault. And now any failure to recover on their terms is my fault too.

A common theme I see among WS posts is that the reason, excuses, justifications and mitigations and whatever you want to call them are all the same for every WS no matter how many D-Days there have been. ONS, years of SA or decade long LTA with multiple false recoveries - WS reasoning all sounds the same to me each and every time they are caught.

It has been 18 months since my last D-Day. I feel as if I am only now approaching a fork in the road. I am only now starting to think clearly enough to decide if I can stay married to FWW.

She intentionally engaged in a 10 year LTA, and blatantly lied through previous D-Days to keep it going. I honestly fear I will never trust her. I have tried and I have given it time. I still feel empty.

I have gone to extraordinary lengths to help her feel safe. To make recovery work. I have carried 90% of recovery alone.

I realized a few weeks ago that I have carried 90% of our M for its 21 years. I fear just cannot do it any more.

18 months of Plan A, Plan B, IC and MC. I have been living EN’s 24/7 since last D-Day. But the bottom line is she has loved OMM more than me since she first met him.

They were in bed together within 48 hours of meeting for the first time. She says it had very little to do with missing EN’s, LB’s or me. She says they “just clicked.” But what I hear her say is the A was my fault because I am not like him.

I can feel a decision taking form inside me. I still do not know what I will do, but I know that I am slowly dying inside.

I am leaning towards letting us both go free.

It is hard. I still love her. I probably always will. And I so do not want to hurt DS13 any more. He has gone through so much already. Maybe I will hang on until he is older, if I can. But I don’t hope for anything any more.

I am sorry MB. I don’t think I can do this any more. I need to take a break from here.

You are right Racer – I will indeed probably die alone. I will not marry again. Once has been enough.

This was really MEAN <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So was what Aphelion said to both GBH and Racer. And it was REALLY mean for Racer's BS to have to read those statements.

This just makes me cry Ap. I am a FWS and a BS. I justified with the best of em until my H's 2nd A. There was no more justifying. What I did was wrong, wrong, wrong. The thought of hurting my H and my kids as well as myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> You must be very tired, Ap. I don't blame you. {{{Aphelion}}} Don't know what else to say.

He's not feeling well today ... can't you tell?

You know Pep, you of all people should know I'm not a mean spirited person and would never say something like that unless I had been pushed extremely hard. You also did not see what Aphelion said before he edited, well i did. He threw some very personal information around this thread and said some very nasty things. My wife read the things he said and crashed and burned.

So he's not feeling well? well neither was I when I said that and it ws HE who took me there.


and to reply to your post on recovery to my leaving MB, You said I "stomped all over him". Why is it you only see that I stomped on HIM? He edited his stomping and then was further edited by Justuss. Why is it me that is in the wrong? sheeesh.

You were there in the begining for me Pep. It saddens me that you would be so one sided.

So why take it out on Racer?

Take a fricking break, the damage Aphelion did is unrepairable...

beav

Hope we can get back to the subject. I don't think ANY WS can ever in a thousand years know what if feels like to be a BS. The blatant, cold, cruelty most exhibited is beyond description.

For any to excuse, explain, justify just doesn't do it for me. I have heard too much of that crap from my WH.

This is very out of character for him ... something is wrong!

I just want to add one thing":

Treat FWS in this forum with the same respect you would treat the FWS you are going to sleep with tonight.

And FWS .... respect that sometimes, BSs are still struggling and traumatized. Treat BS's as you might treat your own BS when they felt so traumatized they did not know if they could draw their next breath.

Wow. I had no idea I would stir up this kind of hornet's nest. So, let's do it some more.

As for some of you saying that the exposure I did was disrespectful - yeah, right. WS's deserve no respect till they can prove they deserve it. My wife should be glad I didn't throw her a$$ to the curb that night and hang a sign on her saying, "Used ****** looking to ruin another marriage."

Then she had the nerve to keep in contact with OM for three weeks after exposure. Once she found out I knew about the continued contact she freaked out so much because she knew that I would fly a banner from our house and key her car so that I could advertise what she did.

Betrayal of trust is the worst thing someone could do. Unless you've been in that seat you have no right to talk about what is the best way to approach the A - especially if your a FWS. ****Edit******* Just becuase you feel bad doesn't mean that we BS's should feel sorry for you. You have NO RIGHT to say how things should be done. Text books don't always apply to every real world situation.*************edit************

I'd like to submit this quote to the MB Hall of Horrors, please.

Dang,

Once again I get on so late at night because of my work schedule that I miss it all.

All I see is the "BLEEPS". LOL. Feel like I am watching Jerry Springer. NOT. However, what is up?

And a post from Lucks on GQ. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Gosh it must have been special.

I am almost sooo out of here.

Hugs for all of you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M