OK ... spill your guts.

What is going on?

Something really bothering you today. Care to "give it a name" ... like Peck suggests.

Will writing/talking/crying/laughing/screaming/farting/drinking/puking help? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, Appy, whuzupwitchoo? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Thinking of you.


slh

come here

Well all of the above usually works for me...when done in unison that is. And throw in a couple of dramatic phone calls and posts, and I'm good for a week or two.

So do come here Appy, cuz Pep needs to see you in her office.

And you are one of my very fav's so this post has me up in arms.

And now I'm leaving for my DATE!!!!!!! so proud of myself.

and I am headed off to Al-Anon soon
(so proud of myself too)

Hellooooooooooooo

I think I may understand a bit about Appy's reaction on the other thread.

For me, there was a point, not that long ago, where I was finding myself getting increasingly ticked off at ME for still being in the sitch I was in, when I've come 2 know so many people here who've come here after I did, gone through the painful periods of plan A/B with the A flaunted in front of the whole family, seen the fog clear, and gotten well in2 recovery and disappeared from the boards - all while I was just putzing along in limbo land trying 2 end a LTA that never was really "intense" like most we talk about here.

I may have snapped at others here in the process. I understand that.

-ol' 2long

I am sorry for today.

You guys are some of my favorite people too. But I just need to get out of here for a while. It’s actually been hard to breathe today.

I think this emerging feeling that there is no long term hope for my M is making me very sensitive. Too sensitive for the barn full of triggers this place can be.

I really do love FWW. And I worry very much about her. She professes NC but I am no longer sure about it. And OMM is just going to continue to use her after I am gone.

She does not want a D. But I am finally starting to realize that it’s not because she truly loves or cares about me very much.

Funny how it took me almost two years to start to see this even a little bit clearly. Well, OK - 15 years from the very, very first D-Day. BS fog can last a long time, lol.


Pep, Al-Anon! I am proud of you, and I bet Mr. Pep is too.

I really need my Al-Anon meeting tonight.

Not to hijack, but 2long, I have never seen you snap at a soul. If you do, I'd like to see it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Everyone has those days. Do what you need to do, sit with your hurts... but feel better soon.

We'll be around. Hugs to you,

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Make a call to a friend and go out .... stop reading any threads dealing with WWs.... stick to safe threads for 72 hours ... OR ELSE!!!!!

writing/talking/crying/laughing/screaming/farting/drinking/puking help? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

just in case you forgot your options!

I apologize for what I said today Aphelion. You pushed me and said some very personal and vicious things but thats no excuse for what I said.

Take care everyone. See you on the other side.

I did some *ahem* respectful editing on your thread Racer ... I am sorry too.

"It’s actually been hard to breathe today."

I know THAT feeling! Again, wasn't all that long ago. Remember my latest discovery of emails 2 RM? That was early May. I remember distinctly that I was calm alright, because it's bee SO LONG after all. But I remember this awful chill up my spine, and a period of time where I didn't think I could breathe, and then it wasn't until the next day I confronted her about it. And even though I held my head up and kept working on the house with her, she could SEE something was very wrong (but until I composed myself for the convo the next morning, I let her assume it was that I was just tired). In truth, I WAS tired. Physically and mentally. GADZOOKS, I wondered, when are we EVER going 2 get in2 recovery, for Rice Cake? Everybody else has, or their WS never defogged and they moved on by now. What's WRONG with me? Us?

But it's the very longness of a LTA that makes this so difficult and "different" from most. Well, not necessarily different, so much as protracted over the long time. Takes a long time for the A? Gonna take a long time 2 recover! For BOTH the WS and the BS.

"I think this emerging feeling that there is no long term hope for my M is making me very sensitive. Too sensitive for the barn full of triggers this place can be."

Understand that 2. Take that break. Do more stuff with your son. Read Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and worry about YOU and your peace of mind for a while. Once you can get 2 a place of calm, the rest of your life will fall in2 place - whatever you decide you must do.

"I really do love FWW. And I worry very much about her."

I feel this way about my W, 2. But I don't worry about her anymore. I found, by going through a period just like you're describing here now, that she could subconsciously SENSE my worry, and it exacerbated the perpe2al negative feedback loop we'd been living for at least since the A started, and probably a lot longer than that. I had 2 get 2 a point where my happiness didn't depend on whether she could be honest or meet my ENs, because what if she never did? If I wind up alone, I'm going 2 have 2 take care of all that myself, unless I want 2 get in2 a rebound relationship and postpone the personal recovery even FURTHER.

"She professes NC but I am no longer sure about it. And OMM is just going to continue to use her after I am gone."

Then if you're gone, it'll be her problem, won't it? You can't protect someone from their own insecurites and poor judgment. You shouldn't even want 2 try.

"She does not want a D. But I am finally starting to realize that it’s not because she truly loves or cares about me very much."

What do you want? If she feels strongly about the things she wants, and wants 2 convey those feelings, she's welcome 2 register and post them here. But what do you want? I also know the feeling you describe, and it was that feeling that made me realize that I needed 2 call the mediator in June. ...and that made a huge difference in both of our perspectives. Probably the single most effective thing I've done in the past 3.5+ years.

"Funny how it took me almost two years to start to see this even a little bit clearly. Well, OK - 15 years from the very, very first D-Day. BS fog can last a long time, lol."

Yes, indeed it can!

best. Have a gnarly-fun weekend, okay?
-ol' 2long

{{{group hug}}}

Appy, whatever break you need I hope you know how much we respect you and care for you. These strangers are here for you any time.

Racer, takes a big man to apologize.

i was not reading the boards at all today, i have no idea what thread is being referred to, but i really don't need to know.

I am very sorry for your pain aphelion. i just said a prayer for you.

Dear God,

Be with Aphelion right now. Hold him close, help him feel Your love. In Jesus' name I pray.

Hey, App, I wasn't aware of the particular thread that was mentioned; I was going by the general tone of your posts elsewhere lately.

You sound so down.

I hope your weekend is wonderful. Know that I'm praying for you too, my friend. Come back if/when you can.


slh

Aphelion,

I just took the time to read the posts from yesterday. it was not fun to read. so much pain here. on both sides. it just saddnes me.

and now i know all of your story and again i just want to say, i am sorry for your pain.

i also realize i may be one of those FWWs which rub you wrong, i really don't know, you never responded to me when i posted my details to you a while ago asking for your opinion. could be you didn't see it. it really does not matter. what matters to me is my H's opinion and what matters to me is that I continue to grow and learn.

in any case, you are on my prayer list and I hope you can in time feel at peace someday.

I hope Ap logs in this weekend, but I don't know if he will. He has my email, and I gave him my cell number if he wants 2 talk.

But I think he'd gone home before he saw my message 2 him.

Think about him, folks. He hit a bump yes2rday.

-ol' 2long