I've been divorced for 8 months and I'm dating this woman who I can't help but think is too good to be true. She impresses me with her energy and ideals about life. We are very compatible--share lots of the same interests. I like thinking about her but I think I'm over analyzing things and it's keeping me from getting closer to her. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, what did you do about it?

More details would get you more interesting answers -- why do you think you're over-analyzing? What problems is it causing you?

I think I'm over-analyzing to protect myself from getting hurt and putting myself out there. It's making me have the wrong impression of her and I'll accuse her of just saying things without really meaning them in order to appease me. I basically get the impression that she's really good at winning guys over. I know this doesn't sound right but the other option would be that she is everything that I ever wanted and I have a hard time believing that.

I think I dated this woman once <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. She was waaay too good to be true, I couldn't find a single red flag, which bothered me to end, knowing that no one is perfect. In time, I started seeing past that facade, and realized that she was a "professional dater", someone who knew how to always say the right thing to whomever she is dating. As we spent more time together, her actions started showing me that most of what she said was BS for my consumption.

So my advice to you, especially given that you are wondering if she is for real (which, BTW, is probably a result of your gut feel picking up some red flags that you have not yet consciously recognized) would be to go slow, let lots of time pass, and see if her actions match her words. If they do, marry her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. Her name doesn't start with an M does it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

"I think I'm over-analyzing to protect myself from getting hurt and putting myself out there. It's making me have the wrong impression of her and I'll accuse her of just saying things without really meaning them in order to appease me."

Well this analysis is very simple. You shouldn't be out there. You definitely are not ready for this. Men have to listen to their inner voices too, you know. You don't trust this woman and you don't know why. You are looking to her to give you a reason, when the real reason is you have no business in a relationship with her in the first place. She seems too good to be true because you are incapable of trusting her or anyone right now. Someone always gets hurt win a divorce(e) tries to get back in the game too soon. You've only been divorced eight months and that's a very short time to give yourself to get over the loss of a once-beloved wife.

I agree with Check!

GIVERS can become very adept at becoming what the other person wants. Not that she is intentionally lying or trying to be deceptive. That is just how she perceives to make relationships work.

I agree with Check, eight months is not a long time to begin another serious relationship after a divorce. But that doesn't mean that you need to stop seeing her. Keep it casual, make no commitments and give it time. Lots and lots of time.

Hey, TGB, did you send the weekend turbo-dating again? Are we going to see a "The Big Guy Fan Club" web site appear, wherein love-struck women post about the lastest darling thing TBG said on their Date from Heaven? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It might be too soon, but still trust your instincts.

Or, introduce her to MB and have her do some of the questionnaires, perhaps when its not one on one, you will find her true views.

Thanks for your advice. I'm definately gonna take things slowly and just see what happens. I feel like I analyze things more now rather than trust my instincts and although it's a good self defense mechanism, it sometimes keeps me from feeling.

There are some people, men and women, who have a natural charisma. We can misinterpret that for a high level of interest in us.

The best way to make sure you don't go overboard is to keep looking and date a few other females once in a while. It's amazing how well you can keep a woman in perspective, when there is another one willing to go out with you.