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Learning to Trust again
#1449948 08/13/05 04:26 PM
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MeOnlyBetter
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It's been almost 2 years since D-day. My H continued the affair and the lies for another 6 months afterward. He told me lots of lies and I just discovered some evidence about 1 week ago. I am having a hard time learning to trust him again, although he seems to be working really hard at our relationship. I still don't know why he had the A and he won't talk about it.Can any veterans share their experiences with me??

Me 47 FWH 49 M 26years 2 DD 24, 22 D-day 10/03 Daledogsmom@yahoo.com *formerly known as Dougswife*
Re: Learning to Trust again
MeOnlyBetter #1449949 08/13/05 05:32 PM
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Dougswife, once he talks to you about the affair, he can begin to repair the damage he caused in the marriage. But as long as he continues to lie to you and have secrets with the OW to which you are not privy, trust cannot be restored. He can't have any secrets from you anymore, see what I mean?

Every time some new little tid bit of information dribbles out, you will be put right back to day 1 of recovery. It is like dying a death of a thousand cuts because you continually start over and over again.

The best medicine for your marriage is for him to get it all out in one big GUSH. You can deal with the truth, but you can't deal with continued secrets.

Maybe you could print this up for him: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2739000

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: Learning to Trust again
MelodyLane #1449950 08/13/05 05:34 PM
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p.s. until he is completely open and honest, you shouldn't trust again. That is an essential part of rebuilding a marriage. Read Harley's Rules of Protection. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: Learning to Trust again
MelodyLane #1449951 08/14/05 01:31 PM
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MeOnlyBetter
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Maybe I need to learn to accept what has happened and move forward. I know he lied to me over and over throughout the A and I feel a little stupid for being so gullible. I used to have the highest opnion of him and kept him on a pedastle. When he fell off, it was a really big crash. Makes me wonder what other things has he led to me about over the years!

Me 47 FWH 49 M 26years 2 DD 24, 22 D-day 10/03 Daledogsmom@yahoo.com *formerly known as Dougswife*

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