I'm aware that my situation isn't as extreme as the next, but I'm still questioning what to do.

My H and I have been together for 5 years. There have been two instances where "things" took place. He's admitted to the smaller things, but I have every reason to believe things went further. How do you deal with what you believe to be half the truth?

Exposure isn't an option. The OW was a 19 yo that lived in his mother's home during a visit and is long gone.

H seems very committed to marriage and stresses that everything is out in the open. I just find it hard to believe, and I find myself feeling resentful and untrusting.

How do you deal with so-called half-truth? Or do you just learn to let it go?

Have you read the Basic Concept ? please do. Also read HNHN.

Now, it is worth your happiness to let OW overshadow your M now ?. She is long gone. Your H might be afraid to tell you the whole truth ... you might leave him. You could try to make it safe for him to tell you but are you ready to hear it ?

could you elaborate ?

-rh-

U don't deal with it. You give it back to him to deal with. His job is to regain your trust. You can't give him your trust until he comes clean.

What have you read from here? R U willing t/do phone counseling with Steve H? He is good with WSH's.

L.

Thanks.

I have tried to make the setting "comfortable" for him to open up. It's yet to work.

My statement about his dedication to this marriage seems to directly relate to his willingness to "let the past go and move forward". He's very open to anything and everything. I don't doubt his actions now, but the thought of a home visit makes me cringe. His family is over 1000 miles away and I've yet to accompany him for various reasons.

I suppose I feel guilty for not letting things go. He seems ready to move on, yet I'm left questioning what really happened. His story just seems too sugar-coated. I feel I could deal with it more easily if I had cold, hard facts. I feel he's trying to protect me, but that's not what I need. I need to hear truth from him. Our MC told me I need to take him at his word. I just find this hard to do.

Thanks for the reply. Any advice?

Thanks again.

Yes, I have considered contacting Mr. Harley. I just don't feel my H would go for it. I'm all about bettering myself though.

I guess what hurts the most is my belief that he would only tell half the truth. I deal with that, but I'm left wondering what else there may be. When I look at him, I try so hard, but it's often difficult to see past what my gut tells me is there.

Thanks for your reply.

Here's a trick. WS' don't like t/b questioned. So don't just question the A with the OW, ask him if he is bi-sexual. That should get his goat. LOL!! I told my WS that I wasn't sure if he was also bi. He vehemently denied it but hey, he had already lied to me so I just looked at him and said, 'you lied to me before, I don't know you anymore, for all I know you c/b bi.' LOL!!! That shook him up that I would question him in other areas and not just the A. The point is to shake up his world.

U up to that task?

L.

Sounds like a pretty good idea.

I kind of tried that. He had some sort of male-on-male experience when he was younger and I tried that...to no avail.

I've tried being angry, sad, doubtful, demanding, understanding, etc....just never seems to work. Part of me says he's telling the truth, but my gut is nagging at me. I guess you can't force someone to do something. Do you move on from there?

No you can't force him but you can doubt him. HE will then try hard to prove you wrong. Use that time to steer him in the direction which will include you getting some real answers. This stuff takes time. You gotta practice reverse babble.

L.

Only a suggestion. If you think you are ready to hear it. How about have "clean slate" talk with him?. Let him know that you can't move on and need one time talk. Whatever he is telling you is not going to be used against him in any future talk. However he has to come clean and tell all. You have stay so far and stick for the long haul but he has to help you out. If you need help to initiate the talk ... read Language of Love by Gary Smalley.

-rh-

Bien,

How are you? Where are you in this quest for the truth?

L.