Today would have been our 5yr anniversary but almost 2 months ago, I asked him to stay the night at a friends to allow us to cool off. He'd been drinking and was being disrepectful in his promise to be home for dinner. It was an accumulation of things that had been taking place over the past 6mos since we had started his new business. He'd been letting it fail and not working on it and letting me pick up all his financial obligations. He got more and more depressed and his drinking increased. No money for bills but always money to go out.

Well he didn't go to his friends, he went right back up to the bar where he proceeded to go home with a strange woman with whom he's been with ever since. This is not typical of him, he's always been faithful and never believed in affairs. However, she is an alcoholic and has been keeping him quite happy by now increasing his drinking to a daily basis. He's gone from drinking 2 days a week to drinking from the time he wakes up until he passes out.

His other business partner got furious and took him out of the business when he took the last of the money from the business and took OP out of town. He and OP now blame me for taking the business away when I had nothing to do with it...even after the business partner told OP, she still blames me..she still wants me to pay his bills for him. He also blames me for trying to make his life miserable and his drinking. But he told me to move on with my life and I have.

I have an excellent therapist and have been reading excessively all the codependent books. Everytime we run into each other and I am happy etc...he gets in my face and tries to start things. He even made threats against me. He calls me excessively on the 2 days when OP is at work. I don't pick up the phone and then he makes more threats. I've been in Plan B since the day he left since he said he wanted his freedom, I gave it to him.

We have mutual friends and he and OP have been making threats against them. Also, telling them to leave me alone and not to believe all my lies. Even his best friend has now turned his back on him because of all this drama. His parents are behind me and together we had him committed last week to rehab but since he was over age he was able to check himself out after 24hrs. He is refusing to do the Outpatient Services. Of course now, I am to blame for this also.

OP is solely supporting him now. He's almost 2 months behind in car payments. She only works 2 days a week in her job and they have already had to borrow money from her parents to make the mortgage at the house. They are all that they have right now since his friends have turned their backs on him. I know him better than anyone and know that he is feeling like a caged animal. He depends on his friends and now he has nothing.

I've done my best to move forward...in the process of opening a store and my friends have been the best and are supportive of me in this new venture. I just don't understand why if he wants out does he continue to reach out for me. He says that he does want to get back together but now is not the time.

In my heart of hearts, I would like to see things work out for us in the future on a different level. We had a wonderful life together before the drinking and depression overcame him, despite what he is thinking now and what he is doing. I am committed to moving my life forward and proving to myself that I can do it. I know I have his attention as he is watching and listening to everything that I do because when I show any signs of moving forward, dating etc...that's when he goes nuts.

Thoughts on this?

Any kids?

Previous marriages for either of you?

How old are both of you?

Any other addictions? (like porn or gambling for instance)

Other marriage issues prior to this? {like money spending or emotional neglect for instance)

Do you love him? (the one you married, obviousely not this current version pf WH/lost man)

Yes, I do love him. More than I have loved any other man. I was married for 15yrs and have been divorced for several yrs now. I have a 15yr old daughter who is very close to him. This has been extremely hard for her. He was also married for a couple of years and has a son.

I am 42 and he is 33. We have had no problems in our relationship other than what the drinking has brought on. The drinking was not bad until the past 6mos when he started getting depressed over his business. He has the kindest heart of any man I know and would do anything to protect me. That's another reason this has been difficult because this is so out of character for him.

His parents have been married for over 35 yrs. He knows the ups and downs and we have been through some hardships on my side because of my ex and child support issues. But he's always stood by my side as I have stood by his.

He has no other addictions, neither do I. We both believe very strongly in the family unit. Grocery shopping, errands, everything is done together...and all decisions are made as a unit.

He just called his business partner a few minutes ago saying he is ready to talk. I know he wants his job back but because of what he has done...she will not take him back. I have to honestly agree with her. He has to prove himself to her because he spent all the money on taking OP on a weekend holiday. He had lied to his partner about where the money went. She has agreed to meet him tomorrow and talk but as long as it is not about the business.

I think he really needs to step back and realize how alone he is with OP and how wonderful his life was before with us and his friends. He had everything and has thrown it away for the bottle. OP is just pacifying his addiction and feeding it to keep her happy too.