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My niece and her boyfriend are visiting me in southern California and I have arranged for all the usual tourist stops,Disney, Universal, Hollywood etc. I picked them up Thursday pm and Friday before heading north Eric(niece's boyfriend) and I take the opportunity to do some grocery shopping and a little bonding( I want to find out his intentions with my niece).
We get home and my niece says " Aunt Cymanca was just here looking for you Uncle Cymanca. She gave me a big hug as if nothing had happened and she asked if I would tell you to call her about a very important matter"
Again, I was totally astounded. TWO attempts at contact in one week after complete abandonment for 1 and 1/2 years.Then to top it off, my married friends call and say that WW has called TWICE in the last week, ostensibly to ask about their new baby and also to find out if they knew that I was seeing my old girlfriend.
This has to be related to the sudden progress of our attorneys at getting the ball rolling and she is now facing REALITY. She always said that she knew that I would never leave(even if she had an affair to quote her), and now it appears that train is getting ready to leave the station.
Perhaps Noodles sig line is a LOT more powerful than even I realize.
Last edited by Cymanca; 08/21/05 11:33 PM.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Cy, thanks for the update. The contact is become more frequent and coming closer. What do you make of this? Is there a break in the fog....has the veiled lifted only to descend again. More happens to come for sure....
Stay safe, Cy
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SS, I am truly stumped as to her motives. She had tried to contact me a long time ago and was greated with the same options that were given to her on numerous occasions, if it is about the divorce, call my lawyer. If it is personal and I don't have the NC letter you will get nothing but silence. I have stuck by my version of Plan B .
I refuse to give her permission to jerk me around ever again.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Hi, Cyman.
She is contacting you because she wants something from you, not because she wants to give something of herself to you.
The proof? she knows how to find you and where you work. When she loses the pride, then she will seek you out wherever you are.
God bless, Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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Gimble,
Yes, I agree she wants or needs something, under HER terms. I just will not play that game. She has very deliberately sought me out where she knows we would have the expectation of privacy and she could push for interaction against my guidelines. She won't come to my office because, quite frankly, my office staff would tear her a new one.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Gimble,
As an afterthought, you have hit the bullseye......PRIDE.
Nothing can come of an interaction when you hide behind the mask of pride.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Nothing can come of an interaction when you hide behind the mask of pride. Dead right. Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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You know, after 18 months, you might want to unbend just a wee bit and find out what she wants. Pure craziness? Maybe. It's just a feeling I have.
Sunny Day, Sweeping The Clouds Away...
Just J --
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Just J,
18 months is EXACTLY why now is not the time to bend.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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It looks like the mystery is solved. My old next door neighbor just told me that WW's sister and her kids are here from New York. I suppose that the boys(who I love) have expressed a desire to see me. Even though my Christmas cards to the boys were returned and I have no desire to see my SIL nor her life partner, I would love to see the guys. I just can't imagine the machinations necessary for that to occur since I would NOT tolerate WW nor the in-laws being there.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Can anyone give me their thoughts as to why she would suddenly show up. After everything that she has done and lied about wny would she react in such a manner. The few times we did exchange words she emphasized that she hoped I would also find someone to love??????? I know, fog but WTF
In my opinion she is suffering from the classic symptoms of "I dont want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either".
Typical of someone emotionally immature if you ask me<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
committed looks like her fog is gone.
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eemd,
Thanks for your input. I wish I could have some insight as to the "fog" existing or vaporizing, but my exposure to my WW is nonexistent. I have prayed that God re-enters her life to right her moral compass and not to heal our M.
If and when that happens, I believe that no one need guess her intentions, they will be as clear and blazing as the midday sun.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Example: I am at my son's soccer game almost a year and a half ago...right around time of xh shacking up w/preggers ow. I bring with me a buddy of mine who WAS A SOCCER COACH OF TEAM IN A VERY COMPETETIVE OLDER TEEN LEAGUE...He was just a friend...and not somebody I'd date. But nice guy. Somewhat attractive. Totally there to show me how to help my son become better player (son ended up getting m.v.p. ok?)
Xh is then standing completely across from soccer field at me. I have little to do with him at that point. Very limited contact as I left plan B to go into plan D...much like cymanca our friend.
He spies me standing by this guy...and his eyes narrow...slant down...and eyebrows look angry...he puts head down and walks swiftly around field immediately to me and my buddy. He walks up with huge fake smile and says with firm hand outstretched but anything but a friendly smile ...more of a fiendish smile...and says "Hello...I am Darth X. My friend looks surprised. He says hi. They shake hands. Then suddenly darth asks him questions about how long we've been "friends". How do we know each other etc?
Can you get it now?
It's the old I don't want you...but nobody better the heck get you either syndrome.
sadly, when this happened, across from other end of field, his then preggers girlfriend, wearing in the hot late fall, a baggy sweatshirt to hide her belly, comes sprinting across field to disengage Darth from this...MUST HAVE BEEN PAINFUL FOR THE PREGGERS OW TO SEE HER BF GETTING JEALOUS THAT HIS XW IS TALKING TO A GUY HUH?
See? This is what it is. Simple and clear.
She is most likely USING the visit of the relatives as an excuse to initiate contact for usually a self serving reason...
Maybe her affiar isn't that great anymore. Maybe she wants to have an affair on her affair partner?
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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justpeachy,
Thanks for your very interesting scenario. The contact has been puzzling but several posters have given me insight through describing their own situations.
I would expect the attempts to fade quickly as I have not indulged even one of her attempts at personal contact.
My most vivid recent memories are those of her anger towards me in my attempt to get her lover fired. My WW feels most comfotable in a life filled with anger, hatred and dishonesty. That was what she grew up with and what she embraced, regardless of what I did to show her the abnormality of that lifestyle.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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That is very sad for your wife, Cymanca. Some people never can escape their FOO issues. They look for disfunctional relationships and keep trying to work out their feelings, over and over.
I'm afraid that is where my WH is too. We had a normal, peaceful marriage. We raised kids, went to sports events, church, etc. But somehow, he needed more chaos, which is what he has once again. He and everyone in his family used to say how happy they were that we were together and doing well. But somehow that was never enough.
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Believer,
It is amazing that a grown man or woman can not overcome these issues when they are obvious, confrontable and they have a devoted spouse that will do almost anything to keep their mate happy.
Her anger and hatred of her entire family would come out and I would often find myself trying to defend my in -laws against her vitriol.
And then she would treat my mother like an absolute queen.
Go figure
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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I think you have been a good husband, and it is her loss. Sometimes you just can't help people. They have to be willing to do the work. It makes me very sad. These lost souls will continue through their lives, wondering why they can never find happiness, when it was right in front of them all along.
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UPDATE
Had an inadvertant WW situation update. A patient in my office called my WW a b*tch " Not for what she did to you but that fact she just broke up a friends engagement."
Evidently one of her current beaus (that she was seeing while he was engaged)asked for the ring back.
Chalk up another for big win for WW's bizarre game of destruction.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Evidently this was big news a couple of months back. Since I have refused to hear any comments concerning my WW by my friends, they had all assumed that I was privy to that new tidbit.
Who in the h*ll did I marry? Could I have been so blind and gullible? The obvious answer is yes I can.
To you Plan B followers, this is proof that you do never want to hear anything about your WS while immersed in your protective cocoon.
Divorced: "Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Cy, If anything, take it as some comforting news brought to you by God, or a friend....perhaps someone is trying to tell you that you WERE/ARE a good husband and man, and that this is really HER issues, not you. I know it's tough to see the good stuff in these things...but, maybe that was the real message you were supposed to be getting. Hang in there.
9 years now ... and some days you still say grrr! Hang in there.
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