Here is some background:

My wife is 43 and stunning she look somewhat like; Ashley Judd or Catherine Zeta-Jones; She is very good looking and has men from college to retired checking her out.

I’m 45 and have been told I look young and good looking; I’m also fairly physically fit.

My point is neither of us is unattractive, which I have found has little to do with an affair.

The Other Man is 61! My wife has said like you I always thought I would fall for a young good looking guy, but hard to say who you’re going to like or why. She has told me, I should find some reassurance in the fact that he is not better than me?

What I’m wondering is when a women has an affair with such a large discrepancy in both of their ages, what does that normally lead to? Is the affair more like to die fast? Or are there other issues I currently don’t see?

Hey....

I know it's tough not to think of this sort of stuff but it won't do you any good to try and determine "why"....deep down we BS know "why"...we get caught up in the details of the affair.

My XW's PA was with a guy that was almost 50 when she was 32! She looks like Nicole Kidman and he looks..like an old man..but he was a "waelthy businesman that made her feel special"...by flying his jet accross 3 states for a booty call! By the way, I have been told I look like Mr. Clooney too..and my comment has always been "I wish"...

I asked her if he was better looking than me and she laughed, out loud and said no...

It took me quite a while to find some photos but I did...he is in business. It just made it worse. I would have felt better if he'd left money on the dresser when he was done...Don't try and "get it"...work on teh things that made her think she had to do what sh edid...not How...

FLR, in general, I don’t think there is any “special tendencies” of A’s with large age differences and the same applies to physical appearance (except if a man enters his “mid life crisis” and looking for younger & attractive meat). However, I would say in general, most A’s start as an attraction and/or emotional connection with the opposite sex which have nothing to do with age, looks etc. It’s interesting that many times, people become involved with a person who is far less attractive (in physical appearance, personality etc.) than the spouse. It's all how the OP makes the WS feel etc.

In my case the OM was 15 years older than me - I was in my late 20's then. He is overweight and not someone I would describe as physically attractive at all, but his friendship, the emotional connection and his care, interest & concern towards me, were the things that draw my attention. But as the emotional attraction & attachement towards him develops, he actually started to look physically attractive to me as well... It's interesting how this works.

Anyway, because OM was so much older than me, I initially view him as a “father figure” and therefore I felt safe being friends with him. Also, OM was reserved & introvert and appeared to have a certain “shyness” of character. This was also attractive to me and initially gave me more reason to feel ‘safe’ with him. I was very naive and certainly didn’t view OM as someone who would in the end try to lure me into in A. However, afterwards I’ve realized that he probably hit his “mid life crisis” at the time, although the 40's might probably be too young for a man to have a mid life crisis...I'm not sure.

Normally I’m very cautious towards the opposite sex and if the OM was of the same age group than me, I know I wouldn’t allow myself to develop a close friendship with him. The same would be true if OM was outgoing and extrovert. I don't like men who appear too 'loud', outgoing and charming because it often gives me an impression that they are "jollers" & "women hunters" (if that make sense).

Maybe in your W’s case she initially also felt ‘safe’ being friends with such an older man. And since your W is attractive and so much younger than OM, her attention was probably new, exciting & flattering to him and this helped to feed his ego. I think this is often the case with younger women and older men, but the opposite can apply as well. I know of a BH on these boards whose W was involved with man 17 years younger than her and I have read about women who tell how younger men sometimes try to pursue them or "get after them". The world is strange isn't it?

Hope this could give some insight,
Suzet

I guess thats why my husband is with a wome of 50 years and hes 41 and im 40.

I also don't know if there any special tendencies. My WW had an A. OM was nearly 25 years older. I have asked my WW, was it looks, was it money, was it SF, etc. She has said no and doesn't really have an answer. I think Suzet makes a good point. I tend to think it was the "safety" of the older man. In my WW opinion, at first it was just somebody else to talk to. Since it was an older man, there was no way in her mind it could turn to an A. Then it became an EA, then a PA, as she devoted more time to the A.

This was exactly the same with me... And because of this, I’ve put my ‘guard’ down and became too familiar with FOM...up to the point where even his subtle flirting & joking on e-mail didn’t bother me very much... Big mistake! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Funny thing is I noticed the EA about a month before PA started and I asked my wife to not see him. She told me if you want me to do that I will! But you know he is not my type and keeping him as a business contact would be good for my career.

So I foolishly said, fine go out for dinner and the next dinner is when the PA started!

My FWW had a 2 year PA with OM who was 10 years younger. She said it was flattering that a younger man was pursueing and desired her. Plus he was slim and a smooth talker.

And of course the SF was FANTASTIC!!

Then all contact stopped at Dday. Stopped dead and there is no withdrawal that I can see.

Talk about compartmentalizing!

k

My om was 11 years younger... big trap that age thing. But then again, its just part of the "trap"... if you are looking to have emotional needs filled, you might have your guard down a bit more by someone you don't think it will becomne physical with... but that love bank doesn't really care now does it?

H is 48, ow is 30.

That felt ewwwwwwwwww to me. Plus, it was a real blow to my self-esteem since I am 43.

But, I have seen her and she looks older than 30. The 3 children she has and those large boobs have aged her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by rprynne

What about the future with a WS, in this case my W. Is she more likely to fall victim again or is it when there is such a age difference it is usually a one time ordeal