My contact with OW was awful. OW had nothing but cruel things to say to me. I also caught her in many lies.
Her last words to me were
"He really wants to be with me, and is only with you for the kids...if you can live with that for the rest of your life...then you are stronger than I thought. But, you will have to live with that for the rest of your life that he only loves me."

I know FWH is with me for me. After 1 year of N/C with her, he is with me for me. Not only that, FWH has told me that if he wanted to be with her...he would be.

Anyhow, my question was this:
Have any of you BS ever had an honest conversation with OW?

Or are they all lying, manipulative ect...

Just out of curiosity!

nope they are full of lies my wh thinks all sorts of crazy stuff about me due to her influence. I don't understand it my self but hey what do I care. They are both nuts and the bad part of it is he will wake up and she will have no where to hide.

No sorry to say i hav'nt. The one time she called. we yelled alot.She tryed telling me after i found out my H tryed carryibg it on and that she said no.This i know was a lie because so much came out about our feelings the first night.Things we never knew were there.
I think she only said this because her H was on the phone.

Remember your H is there because he wants to be.Just think why would he be tied down with kids if he could be with thus OW and only have to see his kids here and there.He would have the life.
Hes there because he wants to be.
#1mom

I had one experience with OW...as did our friends/business associates. She could not be trusted. She used everything against us and convinced BS that we were all out to get him. When BS father phoned her when he was in rehab she went against his wishes and direction. Again turning it all against everyone but the two of them. Personally, I think OW is doing this all out of fear of losing control over him. She keeps him drunk all day/night with her. She is afraid to lose him now that she has him. We've all decided that there is nothing we can do. If he is happy, as he claims he is...we must back off like we have and we've all set him free to live this new life that he has chosen for himself.

She was very manipulative, telling me everything that I wanted to hear and then telling me that I should convince his business partner to let him back in and that I should continue to pay his cell phone bill...LOL, I think not honey...you want him, then you must entirely take over his expenses, champagne tastes and all.

If there has been an honest converation with an ow, it would be very rare indeed. Don't speak to her again. She has nothing to do with your lives and her thoughts are of no consequence to you.

That's just some of the rhetoric that a vast majority of ow dish out. It's classic.

I believe that's more for their benefit than for you. They rationalize that he would be with them but the "children/cost of divorce/loss of 1/2 assets/you name it" is the reason these men don't leave. It couldn't be that she's not worthy, a person with no morals or character, or that they were nothing more than a momentary thrill in the midst of maintaining a marriage that's lost the passion it once had. To face the fact that they were used for something so meaningless would be more than could be faced.

This was a manipulation to get you to doubt your relationship with your husband and hopefully leave. Since he won't leave, she's hoping maybe you will. She's just planted a seed of doubt and hoping that it will take root.

How pathetic to lead this type of life.

The fact that OW would be walking around thinking that he really wants to be with her burns me to no end.

After a year, would she not have figured out by now the truth?

Oh...and is this a classic too?
Last year I was diagnosed with a tumour on my pituitary gland. Anyhow, she even used that as an excuse...
"you got sick and we both felt guilty."
FwH told me the A ended long before that.

So my only retort was...
"so now i'm healthy, how come he's not calling you?!"

Thanks for your replies, just wanted to know if there were OW out there who were kind and considerate during the 'confrontation'!?

OM in my case was honest...once the EA was out in the open at least. Remember we'd gamed together online, and so the deception took place PRIOR to D-day.

I had one conversation with OM post D-day. I called him in an effort to get my wife to call her sister, or someone who was 'impartial' in things...I knew that she wasn't listening to me, and that she was only listening to what OM had to say.

The conversation was reasonably civil. He refused to back off and leave her alone unless SHE asked him to, but he did agree to ask her to talk with her sister. He also started to catch on a bit when I explained to him how little he REALLY knew my wife. But the conversation went downhill when I told him what would happen if he hurt my WW...LOL.

So basically he lied up to d-day...but once the truth was out he was as honest as he could be. He was also the one who told her not to come to him when he realized that she was unsure of what she was doing...not that I truly feel he was a good guy or anything, far from it. But he wasn't the evil person that most people feel that the OP is...he was a lonely guy who tried to get what he wanted...my wife unfortunately.

I don't hate him any longer...but he'd better never show up on my doorstep either!

In my experience, they are universally lying, self-interested manipulators. But to carry on as OPs, they would have to be, wouldn't they? My WH's 1st A professed her deep regret and sorrow over the A; within 3 months she gave my WH a secret cell phone so they could carry on. The 2nd A told me she "respected" the fact that I love my H and want to work on my M; that "respect" translated into her continuing to pursue him (with his encouragement, I suspect). In my opinion, an OP should never, ever be trusted.

Exactly!
OW told me she was deeply sorry for hurting me and my kids.
She wanted her own husband not someone else's!
Yet she had failed to tell me that 4 weeks prior she sent my H a letter claiming she missed him, and given him her new cell phone number!

Unfortunately, I gave my word to my wife that I would never seek out the OM because she's afraid that I would pummel him (12 yrs of karate).

From my understanding, once Undo came out of fog she basically admitted he was a stalker that pursued her for only one reason. She made it clear to him in the beggining that she was happily married and yet he still went after her for one thing. She's pretty ticked off about the whole thing and at him for turning her weak against her beliefs.

I'm kinda glad that I never saw the OM. If I had I think it would have been a bigger scar for me to deal with because then there would be a face to go with my nightmares when I dream of them together. For now, it's only a blurry face. But then again, the way my wife describes him he sounds like a toad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pure-

Don't believe anything she says, she's grasping at straws, you won, and she's rationalizing all over the place as to why he's not with her.

Has to be a pretty lonely existance, doesn't it?!

My husband's FOW lives alone, has no children.....I just keep thinking, wow, no one to come home to, no one to take care of you when your sick......that must suck.

I did have a conversation with her about 3 weeks ago, and I think she was pretty honest. The only dig she got in was "If you both aren't happy, I don't understand why you're still together..." (How about that's none of your business)

I don't know how you kept from telling her off....I'm afraid I would have.

Anyway, don't waste your time hating her.......she's not worth it. How pitiful is it to go after someone else's husband?!!!!

-Caren

LOL...I've mentioned it before, but your post about pummeling OM just begs me to post this again. My wife called OM on d-day when she knew that I KNEW what was going on. She tried to warn him...he thought it was so sweet that she worried about him, but told her that he could take care of himself.

She was frantic, because she knows me well. He seemed to think I would just show up there and want to fight him or something...ROFLMBO!

Don't take me wrong...I used to teach kenpo/ju-jitsu. But I had no desire to 'fight' anyone...my wife knew full well if I went after OM, he'd never see it coming. And it wouldn't have been some foolish little attempt at a fight...

In retrospect, I'm glad that I didn't go after him. After all, I can't imagine how my wife and I could have reconciled with me in prison. But it still seems hilarious that he seemed to think I'd just show up wanting to kick his butt.

Owl,

I'm laughing with you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That is priceless Owl...just priceless!!

Heh.

Dude, I like the way you think.

dewt

Pureangel - lose no more sleep over this. Did you expect her to be remorseful and thinking of YOU?

Of course she thinks she is irresistable! Of course she thinks she can waggle her assets and men in general, your husband in particular since she already had him lapping out of her hand once upon a time, would "come running."

Of course she thinks men only think with their testosterone and that their minds are permanently housed in their "little head," because to think that men might really learn the real meaning of love would take away her "seductive power."

Besides, don't you know that females in heat are irresistable to all males...and they don't really care which men respond just so long as "someone" does.

Women, on the on the other hand, don't let "in heat" control them and Men, on the other hand, do not respond on "male impulse" alone when they love you. They CHOOSE.

Your husband HAS chosen and YOU are the prize he values more than that "prize" which is offered to "anyone" who happens to be "equipped" as a male.

Now, for your own sanity, please understand that "No Contact" applies equally to you if you, especially if you are going to let yourself get upset by ANYTHING that a liar and self-absorbed temptress might say.

God bless.