well to make a long story short my wife had an affair and i have been living at my brothers house for about a week then i moved back home but told my wife to stay at her moms house. I have not seen her since i confronted her and left, i have talked to her on the phone. My issue is i am still very bitter and hurt and dont think i am ready to live in the same house. She think we cant work it out till we see each other. I dont know what to do this is not the first time she has done this and the last time i came home to soon...what is the right amount of time to wait and how will i know i have givin it the right amount of time?

here is our story
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2783328

well.....she is the wayward one and she wants to work it out. If you think you have the strength you should give it a try. If you don't try you might as well quit right now.

Also, I think you will need outside support so you can deal with and work through your hurt and bitterness.

hey down

if this has happened before then I suggest the first time has never been resolved.
Your WW obviously has some serious needs not being meet and so do you.

I really suggest you ring the Harleys and have a talk about a plan and arrange for your wife to speak to them as well.
Not cheap I think about $185 per 40 min BUT cheaper than a divorce.
Pls consider it very carefully.

So much of what is on this site appears to be common sens AFTER the fact...... so maybe its not common enough.

look at it this way, 10 sessions $1850, retain a divorce lawyer about $2500 go figure.

Get some professional help now

She think we cant work it out till we see each other.
???
You can NOT work it ou tuntil you get together and agree to some things for reconciliation.If you do not set something up, then you are only looking for more heartache and or a failed attempt at it.
Calling MB for counseling is a great idea & WELL worth the money.

i do want to work it out and i think we can...the first time she did this i came back ready to go and work it out then there was more contact. Then i came back again and i will be the first to say not and gung ho but still ready to work it out. this time i feel like working it out but i feel so drained and tired and i feel like i am not ready to do the work. I guess it will take time i went to a IC today, that went fine... WW is going later today to IC hope she can work threw her demons. I guess my main issue is everything about being sorry and this never happening again i have heard before...2 times, i just cant shake the feeling that i will never be able to trust this time is for real...i hope this passes in time but how can i let her move back in when i feel this way...or is it we have to move back in and work it our before these feelings will pass. this is where i am havig problems which should happen first...i feel like this makes no since but any advise would be apprecated

Aussie has given you some great advice. Please heed it. I do think that one of the conditions of remaining married is clearly some counceling as this has happened before.

God Bless,

JL