Our stage is I'm having to assume the EA is still going, because he has not reassured me it was over, I have no proof it was over, and i know they had contact last sunday. (I can watch closer now for cell contact--thanks Melody) He doesn't know I know about Sunday's contact. I probably didn't expose wide enough.


I have counseling appt. #2 tomorrow, I don't think WH will go because he's working way out of town with our friend tomorrow. I will ask the counselor about exposing more or bringing in a bold friend to confront him with me. (this is the way the church outlines dealing with grievances when you haven't been able to handle it yourself)

WH is leaving for a trip on Wednesday night and will have lots of time to think until Sunday. (Camping trip, taking our oldest boy with him)

I'm thinking I could write a brief letter saying that I have to assume the EA is still ongoing because I know there has been contact, I have had no reassurance it is over...yada yada. That I am committed to him and our marriage but the reason why I can't drop the issue is because (all of the above)

what do you think?

He's not being as much a jerk as before but this time I'm cautious to the good feelings because he's probably
1. fence sitting
2. waiting for me to get tired and drop it
3.feels guilty and wants to make it up to me without having to accept responsibility


I'm confident that my WH is in denial and has not yet admitted to himself that he has to take responsibility for the EA, and he obviously hasn't done it yet for me. Last time we discussed it he was still blaming me to justify his behavior.

My closest most trusted female advisor said to not do much right now and give them some rope and let them hang themselves while I wait to see what the counselor says. (while trying to Plan A my old H)

would the letter be a waste of time...would it help him to take a look at his denial or is it an exercise in futility....

I have been trying the same thing with no Success with my wife.

First let me say I don’t think it has anything to do with whether they love you or how committed to your M, they are, because if that where the case I would be gone already.

I know my wife loves me and she tells me so, my problem is she has been trying to avoid the pain of what she has done. Consequently, I think it has left more pain with me. I think if you read some of the comments made to me by some rather remarkable people here, you would come to find she is in a fog, withdrawing from what she has done.

It’s been explained to me in two parts:

First think of a drug user, that person doesn’t say I’m going to get hooked on drugs today, these are chemically induced drugs from the brain.

Second, I have been told if the brain tried to process all of the pain at one time it would shut down to protect you from harm, so in many cases the brain has found was for them to coop….