WS moved in with OP the night that he met her and left our home. They have been together for almost 2mos now. He lost everything being with her. His friends, business, about to lose his car. I've just finished giving him the rest of his belongings and my stomach is a bit knotted right now.

They are both alcoholics. I do not drink and she lets him drink in the house. He's been out apparantly job hunting today.

I am just curious...yes I have set him free...but of course the heart aches a bit. I'm in therapy (thankfully) and have thrown myself into my business to keep me occupied.

What is the reality here? He is definite about wanting his freedom from us and from all his friends. This is so not him. He normallly can't survive without his best friends. He's even giving up his favorite hobby to be with her.

He knows with me he had everything...except for the drinking which he has with her.

Thanks in advance.

He wants to be left alone to drink in peace.

I just finished reading your thread. Heartbreaking story...

I noticed that Melody Lane posted to you... she would probably be one of the best to advise you on this subject.

The reality, as I see it, is you seem to be handling this just fine. And from your posts, it seems like you seem EXTREMELY well grounded, which is very very good. That doesn't mean this isn't going to painful, or trying for you... but it means that you will probably be able to keep your head as he loses his.

Will he come to his senses? Dunno. I only know a couple of drunks and my experience is that it's about 50/50. Actually, my experience is that it's exactly 50/50.

You mentioned that OW only works 2 days a week. From the impression I'm left with of your H, I'm willing to bet he won't last long at any job he does get. I don't think it'll be long before he really hits bottom. What he does from there... dunno. You're probably better at predicting that.

Either way, keep doing what you are doing. Don't worry so much about him, as it looks like it's completely out of your control. If you want to hold on to your love for him, that would be an honorable thing to do, IMHO, but... well, actually, no buts... That would be honorable.

dewt

Oh, hey Mel... glad you could make it.

Dang, yer quick.

Yes, despite it all I still do love him. It hurts me to see that he is willing to give everything up to be with her, everything except the bottle. We had so much together, it just breaks me to see him willing to give it all up.

But you are right, it's out of my control right now. I can just sit back and watch it happen instead of rescuing like I have done a thousand times before. But at the same time move forward in my life as he asked me to do.

I hope that one day he will look at our years together and realize that everything I did was out of love. But right now none of that means anything to him and he continues to blame me for everything.

Yes, I am pretty grounded, thankfully to a couple of months of seeing an excellent therapist who's taught me surrender and finding my HP through all this madness. But it still hurts.

I uh... assume you're not talking about your printer?

I definitely think you should move forward with your life - and certainly not because he said so. I'm not saying you should date... or give up hope for a relationship with him... but keep up with the counselling, focus on your business, and keep your distance from him until he's decided to not be such a destructive force in everyone's (including his) life.

And you are absolutely right. There is only so many times you can rescue someone. He's an adult (arguably) who is going to make his own decisions. Just make sure that you aren't going to uneccessarily suffer his consequences.

dewt

Here is my soon to be UNpopular opinion....

It is reckless for you to even consider allowing this man back into your 15-year-old's life.

He's a drunk.
He's had some history of making threats.
He's a lying cheat.
He's not very nice.

All in all .... one LOUSY male role model for you to bring around a teenage girl.

PLUS .... you are not married. This is a very poor message to your daughter in my opinion.

HER well-being is much more important than your love life.

Pep,

Thank you...and no it is not an unpopular opinion...this is why I asked him to leave the house that night. He had promised to curtail his beer intake and he had for almost 5yrs until the past couple of months...I could not take it anymore and didn't want it in my house.

None of these behaviours however were normal for him. He was until the past couple of months...the most incredible, kind hearted and loving man that I have ever met. We were a family unit (more so than with my daughters, father). My daughter meant the world to him and vice versa. Something in him snapped..just snapped and he became someone I do not know nor even remotely recognize. He had a drinking problem when I met him...but quickly gave it up to the occasional beer or two (as I posted earlier). He had completely changed his life around and we had a wonderful life together. Except come to find out...I was an enabler. I made life too easy for him and I think his conscious got the better of him. I don't know..I have no answers for what happened a couple of months ago...other than his irresponsibilities with his business. We had worked so hard together to build it up and then poof, he started to let it go. I made the unfortunate mistake of bailing him out of it.