Oh! Been there! Done that! ("sex life in the danger zone"). Yeah, that's an unfortunate side effect. BUT! For me (on Zoloft, which I'm very happy with), adding some Wellbutrin (which kicks up your libido) has done the trick. (Ooooh, bad pun)(tryin' to make ya laugh, Maya, you need it BAD ). Wish I could whisk you out for a "Girl's Night" - eats, a little wine, a chick-flick - I'd MAKE you come even if you didn't want to!<P>Maya, just hang in there, hon. I know it all seems endless sometimes. But there really is a light at the end of the tunnel - and it ain't a train. But Maya, Whodat is right, counseling can be invaluable. <P>Can you shed any light on your aversion? Or the "trust" issues? It sounds like you've got some pretty heavy stuff rattling around in your head... you know, Maya, ignoring it won't make it disappear... the only way to get past something is to go *through* it, can't go around, can't stand still (tho many try), can't go backwards, can't go over or under...gotta go through... this is reeeeally scary to do, been there... c'mon, Maya, you've come so far on your own already, don't give up now. Nobody can do a tough life-journey without help & support & mentoring & insight. We can help some here, but can't do it all... Maya, believe me when I tell you there is NOTHING a counselor hasn't heard many times before, and much worse, and they're NOT interested in judging, just helping you through a rough patch in your life.<P>I gotta get some work done here - yikes! - but I'll check back later. Keep talking to us, Maya!! Hold on tight - suse

*dayam*!<p>[This message has been edited by suse (edited September 27, 1999).]

Excuse me for jumping in among friends. I realize that I am a stranger here. But could not resist this.<P>Maya - I cannot believe how everything you say is what is in MY head. I mean everything. I do not think I am quite as depressed YET as you are but everything else is the same. I want to be alone, I feel restless, I still want the fantasy, I feel trapped cause of the commitment, family, the whole ballgame. <P>I don't want to have to tell a counselor about this. I'm sick of hearing it myself. Got married when I was 20 and had no clue what love was all about then. I have the most wonderful husband too. Handsome, encouraging, forgiving, just wonderful, and he absolutely adores me. Just like you. I have shyed away from friends and regular activities that I used to enjoy. I don't want to talk to anybody - just a few close freinds.<P>The difference with you and me may be that I am taking care of myself better. I am eating right (no Hostess products for me - LOL), working out more than ever, getting facials, buying clothes and spending money on ME for a change.<P>I am TRYING TRYING TRYING to make my marriage work. I do things intentionally with H that I would do with a lover. For instance, after work I asked him to meet me at a bar (no wedding rings). He said it was a turn-on for him but I got disappointed because he is my husband and it just can never be the way it was with the OM (even though that was a stupid waste of my time). My expectations are way too high. That is a real problem.<P>There are days when I want it to work and I love him to death and there are days that I just want to run away from home! <P>HELP!!!!<P>Suse - I have never thought of anti-depressents because I never thought I was depressed. I just thought I was confused, going through a midlife crisis. I may just have to check that out.<P>To All - thanks for these posts. You have no idea how much they have helped me.

Midlife crisis .... yes lordy.<P>Full blown four alarm midlife crisis. I'm gonna be 40 this winter .... and I'm still wondering who I am, what I've done that's memorable (besides last summer's performance) and where I'm going.<P>I do exercise ... or try to work it in between trips from the bed to the couch to the kitchen and back again .... I walk 3 miles about 4 times a week. <P>What I love to do most is sleep because it's there that I can escape my mind ... if only temporarily.<p>[This message has been edited by Maya (edited September 27, 1999).]

Want a chuckle?<BR>Suse, <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Wish I could whisk you out for a "Girl's Night" - eats, a little wine, a chick-flick - I'd MAKE you come even if you didn't want to!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Uh, I think her sex drive is way down!<P>Sorry, their is a gas leak outside & I think we are all catching a buzz!

OK, here is a dumb question. Sorry. What does it mean when you edit a reply? What is the purpose of that? I'm new at this gig.

Click on the pencil/paper icon above your post. You can change what you just typed.

Chris,<P>I'm ashamed to admit that my first reaction to that quote was a little on the raunchy side too. I guess it's a male thing! <P>------<P>Maya,<P>I know you don't WANT to go back to the counselor, but it's really the best thing you can do for yourself. It's no shame that you're not over this yet. I guess for some it doesn't take very long and for others it takes years.<P>I do know that the only way to get your old self back is to act "as if." Recognize when you don't WANT to do something, and then DO IT ANYWAY. It ain't easy, that's for sure, but you CAN get yourself back.<P>I'm gonna keep you in my thoughts.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

HAR! Chris, you are too funny. Count on you to catch that... poor baby, I think you've been "without" too long (are you seeing a lot of cigars & tunnels lately? ). All in good time, Chris - a lot of women would give an eyeball to have a guy like you...you're a catch, even if W can't figure that out. I mean that! How are things going for you lately? How 'bout the girls? (& LS - WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE? Oh, that "thingie" you guys have? )<P>Hi & welcome, nander - you'll come to know me as the "Could You Be DEPRESSED???" woman . I don't want to see one more marriage in trouble because somebody is depressed & doesn't know that's why they're feeling awful!<P>Maya, hope you got a chuckle out of Chris's funny too. You are 'WAY too down on yourself - you are one of the brightest & wittiest people on this forum. That's the Big D talkin'. And perhaps some old family and/or childhood issues... we tend to "hear" things as adults that we were told as children, whether they're true or not. chomp, chomp.<P>Back to work! Back later.<P><p>[This message has been edited by suse (edited September 27, 1999).]

Men. <BR>Too much. I just can't imagine dealing with that kind of 'imagination' everyday. How do you get anything done ?!!? <P> <P>and suse, you and the 'chomp chomp' I needed a laugh today you guys and you're doing great. SNL 25th anniversay special was good last nite but you guys are a close second !!<P>" Lone Star...makin' copies...the lone-y ...the lone-r-ramma...lone-ster, star-man...makin copies... "<P>

I hope I didn’t offend you Maya. They were painting at work & we all sat around & got stoned! I was buzzing pretty good! Man, I need some Fritos & a Twinkie right about now!

Did I hear Hostess? Oh baybee, got my attention! Ahhhh, the power of suggestion! I spent my early teen years with Hostess products... Twinkies, Devil Dogs, squiggly cupcakes....OMG! I think my first crush was on a Ring Ding (hi Suse!).<P>Hey Maya, while you're chompin' away literally and figuratively here's some more to ruminate on (i woulda said "masticate" but knowing THIS crowd they'd wonder why I spelled it wrong. Gaak, guy thing!).<P>I know Suse has worked you over pretty hard. And, since you're so close to giving in finally *wink wink*, I thought I'd pile on too.<P>Maya, listen to her. She's telling it like it was. Heck, I had to live with the woman all those years (joke, hun, joke!!). Seriously, Suse was so critical of herself. Her self-image stuff was so much more punishing to her than I ever could imagine being. It was so very frustrating for both of us. Made even worse by her battles with depression. Sucks, huh? But, please listen carefully to what she says. She does have a LOT of experience in this area.<P>And Maya, I could tell you lots of other stuff as well. For example, I surely understand the "meaning of life" questions. I went thru that big-time. And, it's not easy. We all have our own pace going thru that self-discovery process. And, again, I hate to be smug but I'll wave the big banner for counselling. <P>I'm very proud of what we've done in counselling. The process really changed my life. Changed how I look at the world, how I look at myself, how I look at others. All for the best. I'm so much the better for it. Don't know how I would have become "whole" without it.<P>Counselling is not solely for wimps or needy folk. It can be like having a mentor or a great teacher if you find a good one. And, altho' you and I have never met, I think you've got some sense of who I am. Rather than wimpy, there are some people who find me intimidating because I'm outspoken, confident, quick, and of larger physique than average.<P>I'm 6'2" dark-haired, steely blue-eyed, and have a goatee. My Mom passed on to me the crazy Gaelic genes which lead me to bursts of enthusiasm (errr...sometimes temper). Why do I bother to tell you this? Cuz my counsellor is 4'11" diminutive, and an ex-nun. And yanoo, in a fight I'd bet on her. She'd cut somebody's heart out and feed it to 'em. She can cuss like a drill sargeant. Oh, and btw, once when we were discussing the option of having a vasectomy, she said, "hey, it's easy! Nothing to worry about. Here, drop your drawers, It'll only take me 3 minutes." Whoa.<P>So, woman, please listen. Lots of us here think you're a great person. I've liked you and respected you since the first day I was here. Just like a lot of the other folks on the Forum feel about you. <P>You're a strong woman, Maya. You're so dang independent. Hey, so am I. So much so I can get ornery. Counselling isn't gonna change that. Other than to make you even stronger and better. Same with anti-deps. After resisting for years the idea that "I" could be depressed, I'm on a low dose now. Makes a world of difference.<P>Okay, how'd I do? Give in yet? Huh?<P>Be well, kid.<BR>Re: the "pond scum" factor, Suse is right. Gotta lighten up. Sheesh girl, you're the only one who sees you that way.

Maybe you're right, Dunc ... AUGH! I said that to you! You will be so hard to live with now! (sorry, Suse)<P>I mean, the pond scum syndrome. Maybe I'm the only one looking at myself like this. But I'm afraid there are some at my church that might be looking down at me ....<P>But I do think that's a problem THEY have and it's between them and God ... maybe they don't realize that I'm forgiven.<P>Oh noooooooooooooooooooo, I'm getting confident .... where ARE those Ding Dongs????????<P>