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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions How can she love me again?

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How can she love me again? #1452498 08/16/05 07:15 AM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25 C colinm Member
colinm Member C Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25	I am on my second marriage, she is on her first. We have four children. She says that I am like her best friend and that's it. She told me that there is no attraction there at all. She has told me that I have done nothing wrong. I want to work things out. I know I am not the best husband in the world but who is? She said that I can't change the way she feels. We will be going to see a marriage counseler but it is like she has already given up. Help, please.

Re: How can she love me again? colinm #1452499 08/16/05 07:45 AM
Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,023 T Trix Member
Trix Member T Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,023	I think we could use more information. Are you suspecting an A? It sounds like she is rewriting history otherwise why would she have married she has no attraction to you? Are the children all from this marriage? How long have you been married? When did you notice things were changing? No matter what the problems, I do believe that most marriage can be saved with effort from both spouses. too many people give up on marriages way too early. Just because a person feels one way now, doesn't mean they will feel that same way in 6 months...or sometimes even in 6 hours. Read all about plan A...and also implementing some of the 180 list (you can find out about that by doing a search on this site). You can learn to attract your W back to the marriage. You will want to find out if she is involved in an EA or PA. Married 1976 Me:BS Him:FWS MB Weekend March 2003 2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82

Re: How can she love me again? Trix #1452500 08/16/05 10:23 AM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25 C colinm Member
colinm Member C Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25	I don't think she is having an A. I have no reason to; she is a stay at home mom with a part-time job. One child is hers from a previous relationship, the rest are ours. We are going on five years married. The change wasn't all-of-a-sudden. It was gradual. I don't want to limit her movements because she is home all day with our children. She has friends she hangs out with from time to time but she is never out all night. Until recently we were having sex on a regular basis. I believe as well we can save the marriage but I think she doesn't feel the same way. How can I help her help us?

Re: How can she love me again? colinm #1452501 08/16/05 10:57 AM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	I know I am not the best husband in the world but who is? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> The question is.... are you THE BEST HUSBAND ---> for your wife???? If she doesn't think you are ... time to take a closer more honest look at yourself. Do not be a lazy husband when it comes to creating new ways for your wife to respect, admire, and FEEL LOVED ~by you~. Tonight ... when the house is quiet ... look into her eyes holding her hands in yours and ask "Do you feel loved by me?" LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: How can she love me again? Pepperband #1452502 08/16/05 01:31 PM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25 C colinm Member
colinm Member C Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25	Thanks Pepperband: I'll try that tonight. I'll let you know more tomorrow. I do know I have to look at myself first. I know I need to improve. I need to learn from her in what way.

Re: How can she love me again? colinm #1452503 08/16/05 01:40 PM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	Colin Everyday my H says this to me: "Is there anything I can do for you today?" and I do the same for him .... I feel VERY loved by my H .... and this keeps me feeling great about our M and increases my desire to please HIM whenever I can. Last edited by Pepperband; 08/16/05 01:40 PM. LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: How can she love me again? Pepperband #1452504 08/16/05 01:48 PM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 243 L losttiger Member
losttiger Member L Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 243	pep How long did it take you to get to the point where you were saying that to each other? lt

Re: How can she love me again? losttiger #1452505 08/16/05 01:54 PM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	Quote pep How long did it take you to get to the point where you were saying that to each other? lt I assume you mean after d-day? I don't recall exactly. I know he did not think of this by himself. It may have been the MC or his AA sponsor who made the suggestion. It's almost been 10 years sooooo.... I donno. I do recall my H did this for a long time before I began to return the phrase toward him. That is one of the ways H won me over ... by persueing me with persistance and never giving up even in the face of my nasty resistance <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: How can she love me again? Pepperband #1452506 08/16/05 02:00 PM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 243 L losttiger Member
losttiger Member L Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 243	It actually is a really great thing to say...I am just not at that point yet.

Re: How can she love me again? losttiger #1452507 08/16/05 02:30 PM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25 C colinm Member
colinm Member C Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25	Hey Pep!... or anyone else. I talked to my W a little while ago. She is resisting MC, she wants to go so I can see we shouldn't be together and she said I want to go so I won't be divorced for a second time. This is not the case for me. If we are not meant to be together then so-be-it. I will move on. I love her so much; I know I need to show it. Should I continue to show her I love her even though she seems resigned to the fact she doesn't love me? Do I try and win her over by not giving up on us? Like your H did for you, even with all of the nasty resistance? I'm still very new at this... please have patience.

Re: How can she love me again? colinm #1452508 08/16/05 02:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband Member
Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	Colin ... My H thought that 'Pepperband' was worth all his effort. He did not waver even though I tested him over and over. He was the WS ... and after he ended his A .... he wooed me back and made it nearly ~impossible~ to resist him. He was devoted He was caring He was concerned for ~my~ wellbeing even in absence of immediate return on his investments. LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: How can she love me again? Pepperband #1452509 08/16/05 03:16 PM
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25 C colinm Member
colinm Member C Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 25	Thank you Pepperband. I can see why he worked so hard for you. The things he did for you, were they just the small things or was it jetting you off on a romantic adventure. I'm having a little trouble following the W's and WS's... he was the WS???

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