I have expressed to my husband how his flirting with other women just brings back all those hurt feelings when I found out he had an EA/questionable PA. Well, Sat night we went to friends house with 5 other couples for fish fry. We both know all the other couples really well except one. The new couple seemed really nice. The problem was that when the night was about to end, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, he was sitting in the other wife's lap. He sat there for a little while longer even after I came out. He also kissed her on check. He doesnt know this woman except from this night. He shook her husbands hand and I am pretty sure no one else thought anything of this. Now, at any time preceeding this, I wouldnt have either. I am a very passive person and was never considered as jealous especially with a spouse like mine that thrives on women's attention. I was very secure in our relationship. As I drove home, I told him " You know just how to stir those hurt feelings, dont you?" I know this was probably not the best way to express myself, but my heart is still broken into a million pieces. He totally blew up at me. We have had a really hard time with conversation since its been exposed. I keep wanting to talk about it, but he gets mad and thinks I keep dredging it up. He says I just cant get passed it. Its been 3 mos now since he broke it off with her(I cant find any evidence otherwise). He's right. I cant get over it and I do keep bringing it up, because I want answers. He will not give them to me. He will not talk to me about it. At all. Anyways, in his yelling back at me after my wrong comment, he proceeds to tell me he cant give me the answers I want because he didnt do anything wrong. I am so ready to get off this rollercoaster now. We went about our day yesterday without conversation as we normally do. Well, he called today to see if I took money out of his wallet yesterday. I said yes, for groceries. Normal short 15 second phone call, but he says goodbye, I love you. I cant respond. I have put up that wall. I know it. Please someone tell me how I can get past this. I know I cant change the way he interacts with other people nor can I change his lack of conversation. But, he really seems sincere in his wanting to stay together.Its me. I cant live like this anymore.

YOU don't need to get over it. He needs to stop it.
Tell him it hurts you and he should be concerned and not do things that hurt you.

The problem is not your "jealousy".

The problem is why your husband wants to engage in massive public disrespect for his own wife and his own marriage.

Unless and until he is willing to address this question, he will never stop this behavior. He does it because he has zero respect for you. He has learned that he can do stuff like this and then bully you into shutting up about it. If he will sit on a strange woman's lap with you in the same room, I hate to think of what he does when you're not there.

Good luck with this. This tends to be a very nasty problem because they just insist that "I didn't do nothin'." Well, yes, he did. He disrespected you, your marriage and himself. Those things aren't "nothin'."

Mulan