I posted this question on another thread, but started a new one hoping I get some perspective.

D-Day was 5 weeks ago, wife says NC started 3 weeks ago, but still won't return home or committ to M. Did any other WS's have this kind of a slow process. I realize that the A may continue, I'm just wondering did any other WS's take a long time between NC and commiting to the M. If so, why?

I read so many posts from WS's that immediately jumped from D-Day to NC and were willing to do anything to save the M right away. My WW has not done this at all. I guess I'm just trying to understand if it could be anything else other than still being in the A.

Bumping this up. Would really like to hear from FWS's

My WW is doing the same thing and is still in the A. It is a long distance A but fully consuming for all three of us...

DD was 3 months ago.
1st NC was three days ago.
Broke NC within a day or two.
Now WS is not not ready to change anything.

I am still moving forward thanks to MB. I would have probably pitched a fit right away and never looked back if I had not discovered MB.

Believe in your M. COntinue to show your WS that you do. Be very consistent with that.

Fate? I'll tell you once I find out.

- hopeful_bs

A started: 11/91
D Day: 5/92
Recovery: 3/93
NC: 10/93

I wasn't exactly on the fast track, was I?

At some point, the emotional entanglement and the yearning for OW ended, but neither OW nor I could quite "pull the plug" on the A. It had devolved into "just sex" by the end. So, NC was simply driving the last nails into the coffin.

What can you do to shorten the A? Do Plan A/Plan B outlined on the board. The sooner WS can experience the total reality of OP, the sooner the A will end

Rprynne,

What I have seen from my brief time in the halls of MB is that they either continue the A or have NC.

She is away on her own. She is not coming home, doing NC, or committing to the M.

I am afraid she is still in the A big time.

Is the OM married? Time to stop the A by exposing to all that matter to her. You are entering into a lovewar here and as they say alls fair in love and war!

You must expose the A. In the light of day the A becomes what it really is..a sordid hateful, selfish act of self gratification with no thought of consequences.

It stops being the magical, exciting, endorphin induced thrill ride they think it is.

Stay strong and take care of yourself,

k

Thanks all for your responses.

Krusht - I understand what you are saying. OM is not married. I have exposed to everyone that has influence. My WW has agreed to a NC letter. She has given me her cell phone bills, other things to prove that there is NC.

But, WW's A was/is long term and during that time WW lived as a single person, and to some extent still does. The problems in our M were more me doing too many LB's and WW not doing enough EN's. We withdrew and became very detached.

So I realize the A may continue. Maybe I'm overthinking, but I'm sure some people get a D when there is no A invloved. I'm sure some people separate when there is no A. I'm just trying to understand if any of the FWS's end there A, but still had reservations about their M.

Hi Rprynne

My timeline:

A ended 6/04
NC immediate
D-Day 10/04 (H found out - I hadn't confessed but did immediately he found out)
Recovery began then but I was in no way committed to the M. I tried to be but wasn't.
After MC, talking with everyone on MB, exposure by H to OM's wife, Plan A from H, a genuine desire by me to recover, we began the slow painful process of recovery.

08/05 - recovered and happy

Hope this helps.

J

I think everyone's timeline is different

This is mine

Oct 25-28/2004 - Friendship became an EA around this time, then proceeded to PA a few weeks later (Nov 9-13th)

Dec 17/2004 - A ended and this was D-day as I was caught online

Dec 18/2004 - NC was said through a private phone call where I said goodbye

Recovery begain immediately and I was commited - I did however hesitate in giving all details

OM kept trying to contact me

Jan 16/2004 - All details were finally out - this was final D-day for H.

Jan 17/2005 - OMW was called and H and I together told her what happened

Jan 18/2005 - NC letter was sent through registered mail and OM never contacted me again.

April 18-20th/2005 - H began to distance himself from me around this time and continued to until...

May 19-22/2005 - H met OW and started an EA and planning to meet and have a future with OW

June 2/2005 - H asked me for a seperation

June 6/2005 - I left the house to live with my parents with children

June 17/2005 - H's affair became PA

June 21/2005 - H called and confessed

June 24/2005 - I agreed to come home

June 30/2005 - All H's details were out.

August 19/05 - we are on our way to a great recovery finally - 8 months from the first d-day. We are both committed and in love and have let go of our past mistakes and are working towards a better marriage.

Thanks everyone. Its just very hard to be patient when you have those times that it feels hopeless.