Faith, Good luck tonight. I'll be looking forward to hearing how it went. I really relate to your dilemma and to what TBG said about either not feeling like I deserved any better or choosing people I thought would be grateful to have me, though I barely admitted that to myself. It definitely hasn't worked! When I look at it now, I know I would seriously resent being married/dating someone who thought I should be grateful to have them. My low self-esteem turned around and became an ugly, unspoken judgement of the other person.

I'm not dating now, but I see this as an issue I'll have to deal with if/when I get there. Meanwhile, I'm working on feeling better about myself.

Everything went great! As of now, I can't think of how it could have gone better. (I can usually think back on a situation and wish I had done this or that differently!!!) I probably could have flirted a bit more, but overall, I think it went fine, and we both had a wonderful time. We laughed, talked about all kinds of stuff.... He said several times how much fun he had, and said how interesting I was (even though he did most of the talking! LOL) ... and.... we are going to go out again. He walked me to my car, and called me to make sure I made it home safely. He also picked up the tab even though we had previously agreed on going dutch, AND I tried to pay my half.... but he insisted on paying.

Soooo... it went fine, and thank you all SOOOOO much for being here for me!!! And, he's not so perfect <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, but that's OK, and we all knew that. He seems great, and I look forward to getting to know him better.

Woo Hoo!! Way to go, Faith!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> So cool... So cool... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Great Faith!!

My opinion, there will be time for flirting later, IF that's where you want it to go.

I think it sounds like you did great! As I knew you most likely would.

Thanks for the update, loved it!!

Karona

WOOHOO!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Now's the time you can sit back and think, "Gee? How could I have been so nervous??". LMAO!!!

Glad you had a great time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Karen

I want to take a moment and expand on this one because it is what I'm currently working on in myself. Writing helps me organize my thoughts. So, you'all are just going have to suffer through me writing to myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ordinarily, the idea of trying to be a challenge leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It smacks too close to being a game, and I so dislike games in relationships. But, at the same time I need to recognize human nature and as much as I wish things were different, I have to take that into account if I want to get what I want to get.

What does it mean to be a challenge to someone? Or, maybe the easier question is, what does it mean not to be a challenge to someone?

For me, someone who is not a challenge is someone who gives me what I want/need and doesn't expect anything in return. They don't make any demands on me. They cater/change themselves to match what I want.

What does this say/mean?

It could say, that to them, what they want is less important than what I want. It could mean they value themselves lower than they value me. They place low value on themsleves. Low self esteem?

Why is low self esteem unattractive?

It's unattractive because it is myopic awareness. Self perception doesn't match reality. The person won't ever be able to reach their full potential because they always aim low. You spend much time arguing that they are better than they think they are. Wasted time.

If I am a person reaching my full potential, I want the person I have a relationship with to also reach their full potential because in doing so, they enrich my life. Otherwise, it is an uneven coupling.

So, to be a challenge I need to take as much as I give? Is that what it means to be a challenge? Yeah, I think so. It means they have to work at it in order to be in a relationship with me. If I give the benefit/value of what I have to offer, then I need to receive benefit/value in return.

In other words... no more freebie back/foot rubs and hair brushings... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok... maybe one to get them hooked...

faith, So glad to hear the date went well and you're going out again!

TBG, Thanks, that's so true!