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#1453200 08/17/05 07:12 AM
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My wife has told me she was seeing someone else. Nothing has become of it. She has who he is and she has told him to go. She knows we have too much together. We are set to go to MC. Should I make sure this guy does not come around again? I'm not going to beat him up or anything. What do you think?

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((((Colinm))))

Sorry you're here dealing with this.....you will find much support here. Be sure to go through this entire website with a fine tooth comb. Check out the Emotional Needs questionnaire, this is an important step to recovery.

Are you sure the affair is over? Sometimes the WS (wandering spouse) will say anything while they're in the FOG of the extramarital relationship.

It is a good sign that your W is willing to go to MC.

Confrontation is up to you. If you feel you could handle it without resorting to aggression or violence, it may help end their relationship for good. Then again, if they are still involved with eachother it might make things worse.

I am an advocate for bringing things out into the open and confronted OW several times. My H said that the relationship was over when it wasn't. He continued to fence-sit for months.

Read the article on Plan A and Plan B. Figure out what emotional needs are being met by OM and take the reigns. If you are meeting your W's emotional needs she will no longer be able to justify going to OM to have her needs met. Sometimes the WS will react to this with anger, be patient and persistent with your love for her. Eventually she will begin to see how much the marriage means to her....and if she doesn't you will need to implement Plan B.

Read, read, read. The advice and information available on this board is a treasure.

Good luck and hugs!

AVNL


M'd 6 yrs, recovering 3 years Me: 27 H: 25 My DS: 10y Ours: DD:5y DS:3y His OC(DD):4y ************ Still taking it one day at a time FAITHFULLY. ************ While constructive criticism is appreciated - if you can't say it nicely, DON'T SAY IT!
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Colinm,

I take it she confessed to you? This is a good thing, rather than you discovering the A.

How long did the A last?

Is the OM married? If so, his wife should know what kind of man she is married to.

""My wife has told me she was seeing someone else. Nothing has become of it.""

NOTHING HAS BECOME OF IT?!?!? Like what?

Something did/has become of it, wouldn't you agree?? (A perfect example of fogbabble.)

I would only confront if he continues to try for contact.

Any contact with him by you may cause him to want to contact her, IMHO.

If she is totally remorseful and sincerely sorry for what she has done and wants to build the M back...and you are OK with this, then concentrate on making your M stronger.

The scumbag is not worth the effort.

k


CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Thank you "AVIC" and Kursht for your support.

We are going to work things out.

To answer your question Kursht, they were at the talking stage and she was getting the emotional needs from him that I was not giving. I see that now and I am making changes in my life to fufill her needs. She had only seen him a few times as they were friends before. The OM is D and just broke up with his GF. He works next door to me, he knows I will know if he tries again. This is a small city.

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Colinm,

""She had only seen him a few times as they were friends before.""

So "seen" not in the biblical sense. And she told you about it?

k


CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!

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