Since the D-day, 60 days ago WH and I have been trying to work on our relationship but I am not sure things are going in the right direction and could use some suggestions on how to motivate/evaluate whether we are making any progress or not. I know he is no longer seeing OW, although she has called every 4-5 days, he has been emphatic about it being over, do not call etc and genuinely feels bad about the effect her calls have. I have monitored computer and cell so I know he is not initiating any of the calls. One of the reasons he claims the affair happened was because he did not feel he got any attention from me, was always a third priority behind my two grown DD, 3 year old GD, my job, etc. Have worked really hard to show him that was never true, set some boundaries with the kids and in general have worked really hard at Plan A. Stayed away from the LB's as well. Bought the books and have read through them twice.
Problem seems to be that WH is quite content and happy with the way things are now. He pays lip service to reading the books, but has not yet started (as soon as I have time). He believes that since he started seeing an IC, and taking AD, that he is doing all he can do and time will take care of everything else. He does not like to discuss anything related to why he had the A, because he is ashamed and quilty, and refuses to talk about the fact that I was unhappy before discovery, or that we could well end up in the same place again if we do not make some changes to the way we treat each other. He still thinks it's okay to ignore me when I come home from work and answer only in single syllables when I try and interupt the TV for some conversation. I am starting to really resent that not only will my world never be the same, but that he is willing to enjoy the fruit of my labors (meeting all his EN's) without any effort at all.

What can I do in this situation?

Have you reviewed the material on this site about recovering from an affair? There is much info up in the concepts and Q&A links.

You might want to call the IC yourself, and just lay your cards on the table so that your H's IC has some ideas of issues that needto be addressed.

And of course, going to MC with the two of you would be good.

As to you driving him to an affair, keep in mind that's aload of bunk. YOu may not have been meeting his needs, but *He* chose to have the affair. You aren't responsible for the affair.

Have read all of the material on this sight (I can be a tad bit compulsive) and am going through IC as well. IC suggests I need to learn to set better boundaries, but am having trouble defining consequences I would be willing to stick to.
We were going to MC the whole time he was involved in the A, and it didnt seem to do much good then at all. H believes that since he is a man, he can get away with not being able to communicate. We have been together for 15 years, and in the past being able to just say "I'm sorry" was usually all he had to do when he would realize that he had screwed up someway. Now, after the A "I'm sorry" is just not enough. HE has a major obsessive phobia about changing anything (we still live in his childhood home, same neighbors, etc) and while he knows it doesn;t work anymore, he doesn't seem to be able to change either. For my own sake, I have to change, but how can I get him to take that leap of faith that things will be better if he does?

The consequence issues is something you need to work though with yuor IC.

W/o consequences, there is no motivation to change on your H's part, as it doesn't cost him anything to stay where he's at.