Hello all,

My exW and I finally got around to talking about batizing our son. I don't have anyone in mind yet for godparents and the couple she wants are affair enablers.

I've already told her I don't want these people as godparents. She says she's decided, they're her friends and that's who the godparents are going to be. She also says I'm lucky that she's even involving me because she could've had him baptized without me already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So much for joint decision making <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Does anyone know what steps I could take to prevent her from baptizing him without me?

GDF

You may want to discuss your concerns with the Pastor. It is possible that both parents have to sign something that designates Godparents.

Why not two sets of Godparents? One you choose and the other your ex chooses?

Trix,

I don't know where she wants to baptize him yet. She'll probably just lie to the Pastor and tell him I don't want to be involved.

FF,

I don't want people who enabled her affair to be godparents. I don't know who I want yet, but I know I don't want the couple that she wants.

GDF

I certainly understand your not wanting the affair enabling couple as your child's Godparents.

Just wondering, is your XW still involved with the same OM?

I would think, even though you are DV'd that she would see that it is important that you both agree on Godparents. Maybe each of you could pick one of them. Possibly each of you could chose a close relative from your respective sides. I think that is how it used to be done. For instance, mine were an aunt on my mother's side and a an adult nephew on my father's side. One of my sisters had my mom's 1st cousin and my father's 1st cousin. Traditionally, I think, the Godparents are the folks that are supposed to hold you to your commitment to raise your child to be a good Christian.
Godparents are very important people. They are there to help teach their God child about religion. They should also help strengthen their beliefs. Choosing a Godparent can be one of the hardest decisions new parents need to make.

I wonder if her friends can fill the job.

If she is mainly thinking of who would be guardians should you both die before your child becomes and adult, then it is still important to agree out of respect for each other. After all you are both the child's parents.

It does sound like her mind is made up about this, so I don't know what hope you have of changing her decision. It does sound selfish, disrespectful, and a bit immature of her. I guess it was nice of her to let you know. Did she think you didn't care?

I don't know what faith you or your wife are..whether you are Catholic, Lutheran, one of the Orthodox denominations....here is a link that discusses the choice of Godparents of infants (from a Catholic perspective.

Choosing Godparents of Infants

Hi Trix,

She and our son live with the OM she was involved with.

She doesn't think anything I think is important.

She has no family here. Plus they supported her decision to leave me so there are no good choices there either.

Your definition of Godparents is exactly what I think they should be. It used to be what she thought too, until the aliens got her.

We haven't discussed who would be guardians should we both die. Of course she probably wants OM to be the guardian, which of course I'll never agree to.

We are both Catholic. Thanks for the link, I'll check it out later.

GDF

First of all, baptism orchestrated BY infidels is not accepted or acknowledged as legit. Let them continue to mock God - but you take care of your son's spiritual needs. Who says you can't handle the Christening when you have visitation?

My name is appropriate for this one as I am not Catholic. I "wonder" if is it possible for you to merely boycott your wife's inappropriate baptism and do another one yourself at your church with your friends and family. Your child then has 4 Godparents. When your child is with you she/he gets guidance from your designated Godparents and when with wife.... You get the point. With how unreasonable your x is being your child can only benefit from having too many Godparents.

Just an attempt at a creative solution. Do it only after x has done hers and maintains her unreasonableness. Try to compromise up to the last minute. You don't even have to tell her what you've done. Someday she'll discover it and she can be the upset one instead of you.

Maybe you go to her ceremony then invite her to yours. If the church won't allow it. Just designate the god-parents that you want without the ceremony. I've got aunts and uncles that are really related to me at all. Makes no difference to children.

Mr. Wondering

edited to add - my wife was recently named the godparent to a good friend of ours daughter. The ceremony included 2 women as godmothers and 1 godfather. Wondering, couldn't each name a couple to stand beside you as godparents. Seems like a possible solution to me.

Thanks Kayla and Wonderings.

I don't want to have 2 baptisms. Doesn't feel right to me.

I think I'll agree to her godparents just to find out what church she wants to have the baptism at, then I'll talk to a Priest there and ask his advice on the situation.

GDF

That sounds like a good idea.