Here is a copy of a plan B letter I have written, hoping that someone may be able to help me critique...


WS,

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I write this letter and though I know my past indiscretions and poor decisions have a tremendous affect on your feelings, your relationship outside of our marriage is very hurtful to me. Because of this and my enormous amount of love for you that I am very saddened by what has happened to our marriage.

The past 13 years have been filled with many more good times than bad times. We’ve had a wonderful life. I’ve loved you this entire time: though sickness and health, children, moves, financial difficulties and separation. I have not been a perfect husband and I have not met your emotional needs as I should. I am sincerely sorry for having not given you everything that you deserve. I have made a lot of poor decisions in the past year more out of confusion and not knowing what to do. But the feelings that I have had for you and our marriage prior continuing now will never fade. I have always loved you and will always love you.

Our marriage is at a place that is very confusing and painful. Your relationship with OM is keeping us from restoring our marriage and is continuing to pull it apart. You hold this relationship as no secret and blatantly tell me that you are on the fence. You use it as an excuse to not work on the other issues that we should be addressing in order to restore trust and romance. The way you drop into and out of our lives is beyond difficult. I cannot scramble for the crumbs of attention that you offer. Your distance and sporadic contact undermines my love. You continue to tell me that you love me; you will hug me and hold me tightly and then call or run off to him. You can not have both of us and I can not and will not share you any longer.

Until you decide to end this affair with OM and in order to preserve the tremendous amount of love I have for you, I must insist that we no longer contact each other. If you need to reach me, you can text message me or leave me a voicemail. I would like to have the children be able to contact me directly as they wish. Our financial arrangements will remain as they are, as will our living arrangements. Once you have ended your affair, we may then resume contact and begin discussing how best to put our marriage back together.

This being said WS; I love you and I am committed to this marriage. I believe our marriage can come out of this stronger and better. As I have told you I am willing to do whatever it takes. I am already making changes with in myself to ensure that I am meeting all of your emotional needs. I have the greatest of confidence that we can build a much stronger and more wonderful marriage if we both committed to making it happen. I hope that you will think hard on this. I miss my best friend. I miss my life partner, my wife, the mother of my children, my first and only true love. There is no one else with whom I would rather spend my life. In order for this to work though, you have to be willing to participate. We must agree to the policy of Joint agreement, and Policy of Radical honesty and be willing to work our plan for restoration. I believe you love me and I know this is all so confusing for you. Time will heal and love will grow WS. I would love to walk through the rest of my life with you as a committed, honest, loving partner. I love you greatly.


Thank you...

R.

Based on reading your other post. I don't believe you should go into Plan B at this point.
You are far, far from going there & need a bunch more work before you get to that point.

I highly recommend you call MB for an app (see my sig lines).

Here is a how a Plan B letter should be structured.

1 – I love you
2 - Our marriage was good because…
3 – I apologize for things in the past such as…
4 – Your affair hurts. No contact. Arrangements made through friend…
5 – We can have a great marriage and this is what I would like…
6 – I love you

Try not to mix the messages in each paragraph as in #2 below


#1 It is with the heaviest of hearts that I write this letter and though I know my past indiscretions and poor decisions have a tremendous affect on your feelings, your relationship outside of our marriage is very hurtful to me.
move this to paragraph #3
Because of this and my enormous amount of love for you that I am very saddened by what has happened to our marriage.

#2 The past 13 years have been filled with many more good times than bad times.
Filled with many good times. Expand upon this. Don't say good time & bad times (in this para) Leave out the bad things. Put them in the next para.
We’ve had a wonderful life. I’ve loved you this entire time: though sickness and health, children, moves, financial difficulties and separation. I have not been a perfect husband and I have not met your emotional needs as I should. I am sincerely sorry for having not given you everything that you deserve. I have made a lot of poor decisions in the past year more out of confusion and not knowing what to do. But the feelings that I have had for you and our marriage prior continuing now will never fade. I have always loved you and will always love you.

#3 Our marriage is at a place that is very confusing and painful. Your relationship with OM is keeping us from restoring our marriage and is continuing to pull it apart. You hold this relationship as no secret and blatantly tell me that you are on the fence. You use it as an excuse to not work on the other issues that we should be addressing in order to restore trust and romance.
Leave this out. No blaming him. Simply state the facts – His affair hurts you and you cannot deal with it.
The way you drop into and out of our lives is beyond difficult. I cannot scramble for the crumbs of attention that you offer. Your distance and sporadic contact undermines my love. You continue to tell me that you love me; you will hug me and hold me tightly and then call or run off to him. You can not have both of us and I can not and will not share you any longer.

#4 Until you decide to end this affair with OM and in order to preserve the tremendous amount of love I have for you, I must insist that we no longer contact each other. If you need to reach me, you can text message me or leave me a voicemail.
No texting or voicemails. YOU need to arrange for a 3rd party to be a go-between
I would like to have the children be able to contact me directly as they wish. Our financial arrangements will remain as they are, as will our living arrangements. Once you have ended your affair, we may then resume contact and begin discussing how best to put our marriage back together.

#5 This being said WS; I love you and I am committed to this marriage. I believe our marriage can come out of this stronger and better. As I have told you I am willing to do whatever it takes. I am already making changes with in myself to ensure that I am meeting all of your emotional needs. I have the greatest of confidence that we can build a much stronger and more wonderful marriage if we both committed to making it happen. I hope that you will think hard on this. I miss my best friend. I miss my life partner, my wife, the mother of my children, my first and only true love. There is no one else with whom I would rather spend my life. In order for this to work though, you have to be willing to participate. We must agree to the policy of Joint agreement, and Policy of Radical honesty
Leave the POJA & Policy of Radical honesty out. To him, it’s mumbo jumbo. Simply tell him that in order to rebuild, you will have to go with a plan to restore the love, such as MB which you have read a bit about
It and be willing to work our plan for restoration. I believe you love me and I know this is all so confusing for you. Don’t tell him what he knows/doesn’t know[/b] Time will heal and love will grow WS. I would love to walk through the rest of my life with you as a committed, honest, loving partner. I love you greatly.

Thank you...
[i]To me, this sounds a bit too impersonal...