I was told to move this to GQ from Resolving Conflict.

One thing I haven't included is we have been married 4 1/2 years.

My wife and I have been having problems for a couple of years at least. We have gone to a counselor, but I feel we have not followed through with the counseling. She says she is done being unhappy and will not even try to address any issues. She has told me point blank that she does not love me any more. I think she is saying that to hurt me and push me away. We have one child together and a daughter from her first marriage. I'm not sure what to do at this point. She said she would go to our counselor to make the break up easier, but not for any other reason. I have an appointment and the counselor said there is not much that can be done. I believe there are other problems that have not been addressed. She keeps talking about being happy but can't say what makes her happy, just that I make her unhappy. We are both in the military and have been deploy, but the problems started prior to being deployed. I believe that the deployments did make the situation worse. What do I do next?

How do I trust at this point? Part of the agreement to go to counseling is that I move out so she can have space. I do believe there have been others, but I thought that is a symptom of our problems. I have asked her but she will not confirm. I don't believe it has been on going, I believe there have been others. I can forgive those if we can move on. I was told I shouldn't move out because of legal reasons, but she says the only way she will go to counseling is if I move out. I really wish I knew what to do. I really want to save my marriage, but can't do anything to get her to open her mind that there still can be something there. After reading the info on this site I believe that we can get back what we had and more. I just don't know how to get her to listen. Any help would be apreciated.

If she does move out do I let her take the kids with her? How can I stop her from taking the kids? She has told me many times since she got back (she has been away on a deployment)that she will not try she is done, but her actions don't always match what she says. She has threatened to file for divorce if I didn't move out which is also the condition for her to go to counseling. From everything I have read so far that would not allow us to make any progress in our relationship . I know that I have not met her needs in the past but have been working on improving that but we both end up not doing what we should.

I have not caught her if that is what you are asking. But I have some indications (charges and such). I don't believe it is one person, I think two over the last year and someone different right now.

She is very indifferent right now and we are separated in the house. She comes and goes as she pleases but I still try to tell her where I am going especially when I am taking the kids. I know I am making mistakes, but I am trying not to cause withdrawals from the love bank, but I certainly don't beleive I am making any deposits.

Under no circumstances do you move out. It can be construed as abandonment whether or not it is consensual. Your wife apparently has been cheating on you and putting your health at great risk. You moving out simply allows her to bring her special friends back to you home unimpeded.

The key point here is to contact a lawyer immediately to understand your legal and fiancial responsibilites. It is important that you protect yourself and understand the responsibilities and legal rights with your children.
Again UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU EVER MOVE OUT!

I feel your pain. I am in the same situation minus the kids. My ww won't do anything to make it better either. she insist she can't do it. We just agreed in counseling to a seperation. I am scared too man. you are not alone my friend. I wish I could give some advice ,but I don't know myself anymore. Just be strong and work on yourself.I do know that her affair has to stop to make any progress. I learned that fact the hard way. I am just hoping this fantasy life she is having will end.

"She said she would go to our counselor to make the break up easier, but not for any other reason. " She said this!!! So if you leave what does it gain you if this is the only reason she would go to counseling?? Stay in the home!!!! As someone who is also in the military, deployments involving someone who is already unhappy is a trainwreck waiting to happen, as you very well know.

I did get that advice from a lawyer not to move out. Also that she does not have any more legal right to my child than I. I have also received other advice and will hopefully be getting more soon. Is there anything else I can do to try to salvage this relationship while I may still have a chance. We are still in the house together and the last few days have been better, but she is still talking about divorce. She just recently got home from deployment and could have called her lawyer already (she may have) but I haven't heard anything. She seems hesitant. I would like to beleive it is because there is still something there. Like I said, we have had issues for a long time, one of the problems is she has not let go of any of the mistakes I have made. They come up in almost every argument. It has been very difficult since she got back, she is trying her best to hurt and hate me. I try not to get into arguments not and have done well the last two days. I am also trying to do some of the little things around the house or pick something up for her if I am out, nothing big coffee etc. Any advice would be appreciated!!

Thanks!

Thanks for the support. Anyone who has gone through this certainly has had a lot to deal with. I can forgive anything she has done because I know we have both made mistakes, it will be difficult at best.

Thanks Again!

Let me explain. We had a discussion when she first told me she wanted a divorce, at that point she said she would go to counseling to help make the break up easier. After a couple of days we had a discussion again, this after I had read some of the info on this site. That is when we got into the negotiations for give and take. She agreed to go to counseling if I would move out, but my memory isn't quite that bad, I did remember that she had told me that, but also she wouldn't agree to say that she would try at all. I don't beleive that absence makes the heart grow fonder, who ever said that needs help. I do agree that a troubled relationship will suffer with these types of absence. I think a strong relationship will suffer by can survive if it is worked on while the two are separtated. She said the time apart would do us good, part of what she is trying to tell me now by trying to get me to move out.

Thanks for your help!

I am suppose to host a party for my in-laws. Some thing we do every year. I still talk to and get along with them. She left it up to me. I'm not sure if my wife will resent me still doing this or if it may show her I am not being petty and that I still care. Mother in-law has not said yes or no because of what is going on between us. Any opinions?

I didn't move out but didn't get to tell her I wasn't because she has been out of the house so we are not together. Got to tell her yesterday, but she was upset. Stayed calm and had a discussion, she cried, not sure if that is a good sign or not. She said she would file on Monday. We have been in the house together very little over the last few days, but when we have it has been ok. Not much conversation, what do I do next.