I didn't get a response from my last post, so I'm gonna try again in here. I just wanted to get some feedback on how things are going now...H is starting to come around very slowly. He is saying I love you more often and doing everything I ask him to do regarding trust issues. He is starting to act like he cares about me more often, asking how I am , and how my day was and so on. But I was thinking, and I'm not sure where to go from here. I can't talk to him about some things, like trying to work on the relationship...he never wants to talk and gets mad at me and then just shuts down. He said he wants to talk and work on things, but he gets so mad and doesnt understand why. So, in some ways things seem to be improving, but now what do I do? How can we figure out what is wrong and how to work on it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

F, how long since NC? If it is early you should not be having R talks yet really let him get through withdrawl. Just be your wonderful, beautiful, enticing best you. Have you found a MC?

Thanks for the response faithful! It's been 8 weeks since NC. We can't afford an MC, we are really struggling financially, which adds to the stress right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I ordered Surviving an Affair and am reading His Needs/Her Needs right now. So, I guess I'm just supposed to wait till he is ready to talk about "us?"

Well I would suggest that you be patient this is definitely not a race and could hurt your progress if you push too hard. Have you both filled on the emotional needs questionaire? Have you identified the problems you brought to the M prior to the A and corrected those things? See if he would agree to set aside a set amount of time each week for R talk and keep to that time. Each taking a turn and listening respectfully. BTW, check around there should be counseling available that is free or nearly free.

Have you looked at your insurance plan? Ours has something called EAP that provides marital counseling at no charge for 10 sessions. It is for major life changes. I even got to choose my own counselor. He is also a Christian which was a priority for me.

We don't even have insurance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I will look around and see what's available though. We did the emotioanl needs questions and also talked a little about what caused the A. He says I was smothering him, being too needy. Also that I was not listening to him enough, I guess I don't respect his opinions and choices sometimes. He is doing better on the affection, which is my biggest need, aside from honesty right now. I'm trying to be patient, I just get worried that I'm not doing enough sometimes. That everything just seems to be improving and it's only because he doesn't want to share his feelings with me about what's really going on. I guess that is normal for a BS though. Thanks for all your help.