We've been married for about 3 year's, were in our 20's and have one little boy that's just under 2 years old.

We are happy as long as were not talking about financial issues. We have 2 very different view's on how to spend, save and borrow money. I have allway's been very tight with my money, I try very hard to advoid using credit card's (emergencies only). I'v worked hard to build a good credit score and stay completely out of dept, my only loan is the morgage. Now my wife on the other hand has different idea's. I found out when we where applying for our first house that she had about $15-20k in credit card, bank and medical loans (she moved out too young). She has since filed for bankruptcy and now only owe's $4000 on a $2000 car...dont ask. She's not a "shopper", she just does'nt allway's make the best decisions about money, she has a hard time thinking about paying back, but a easy time thinking of way's to spend it.
Well the problem is, she find's happyness in buying things, while I find it it living dept free, she will think of things to buy, and say "let's just finance it". I'm trying very hard to keep us out of money trouble. But when I sit her down and try to talk with her what she want, when she wants it and to try to make a list and put the most wanted at the top, and expalin to her I only want to buy one thing at a time, she get's upset. The things she want's are resonable things for the house that I want to, but she's allways changing her mind, and want's it all now.
I try meeting her in the middle, but it's still hard to please her. Help, what would you do?

You may have to establish a budget and a separate account for direct household expenses, and then work on agreement on how to spend the additional money. Meaning that you put enough money in that account to support the household, so she can shop (and I'm making big assumptions as to the "gender" roles in your family), and pay the sitter/daycare, and put gas in the car, etc.

POJA would say that unless the two of you can agree about the policy, tha tyou do nothing. Given her history, I don't believe it's unreasonable to assert som emore control over your finances.

*BUT* you have to be very careful and very considerate and respectful in how you do it, so that you are not "lording" it over her, nor completely ignoring her desires as well.

One thing that you might be able to do is do things like make sure say, 10% of your gross goes directly into a savings account that requires 2 sigs. 10% goes directly into som eother slushfund account for big ticket items. The point being is that if there's less obvious takehome, there's less to spend, yet you can meet some of your savings goals, while she can meet some of her immediate desires....

Just tossing out some ideas.

I'm with you Jay Jay, finacial peace rocks. daveramsey.com
See if you can interest her in this guys principles. He has a book out called financial peace university. The website has a message forum and I've seen quite a few couples who have been in your exact same shoes finally come to "the meeting of the minds" This issue is one many couples butt heads on...it does cause a lot of emotional resentment. Hopefully you guys can become of like mind. Check Dave Ramsey out...a real eyeopener kinda guy!
Be well,
ruby

Thank you both for the advice, I know this is a common problem but my search over the net came up short.
Jaye, I like your idea, I'm just not sure it will work for us. We basicly live pay check to pay check. By the time we make the house payment, daycare, car payment and misc bill's there's hardly any thing left over. For the past few month's are check book has dived to zero untill next payday. Some times if things are going good will have a couple hunderd left over after the bill's are paid, but that does'nt last long, my wife allways finds somthing that we have to buy. But what really worries me is my wife think's the answer to getting thing's we want, is to borrow money, loan/credit cards. I put up a lot of resistance when it comes to that, and it up sets her. If I try to tell her it feel's like were hardly holding are heads above water the way it is now with out exstra loan payment it turns into an argument.
Ruby, I'm gonna look into Dave Ramsey for sure. Thanks

I hear you. As you work your way out though, the tendency might be to spend once this other bill is paid off.

There is a book "Rapid debt reduction strategies" that my W and I used many years ago. It is easy to read, and does a good job of helping with those discussions on maximizing your dollar.

I understand the living paycheck to paycheck. BTDT. Strict budgeting is about the only way out of that trap. Are both of you working? or just one?

We both work good full time jobs. Together we make a good income, but it just get's eat'en up with the cost of living, being a home owner and having a child.

Well, there are lots of resources out there. It's amazing how much money can disappear unexpectedly. The morning coffee, or lunches or whatever.

this is interesting to me as well - and was wondering how the last week has been...

c

I admire the values and discipline you have around money at such a young age. I hate to sound harsh, but I think with maturity, she will grow to appreciate that about you. For the meantime, you have to find something that makes her happy too. I'm not so sure of what that is. Spending money is an emotional issue as well and maybe your interest in helping her identify her emotional needs as it relates to money will be a start. There are lots of books out there on the subject of emotional spending and getting deeper into the real issues.