Thanks Paradise,

By the way you forgot one big thing I have going for me! I have you and Holiday and Eibrab to talk to! I think you have been the biggest influence on my life these past few months and I can't thank you enough. Wisdom and patience with fools like me all in one package. Midnight is an idiot!

I hope today is going better for you and get some sleep girl! I know what those moody restless nights do to your body and soul.

Journal,

I am awash in grimy misery and smelly disappointment. My heart is as black and dingy as thrice worn socks.

Today, for a brief, precious, wildly exhilerating moment, I was doing laundry. It was an estatic moving experience.

I have been laundry deprived since the day after I returned from Prague. My attached dryer/washing machine appeared to leak. I promptly put it out for recycling, did a quick consumer review - then bought a new spiffy set of front loading machines at a major department store on October 30.

They were to be delivered November 8. I stayed home with low sudsing detergent at the ready. They arrived with no dryer and a damaged washer. November 18 they arrived with a dryer and a damaged washer. November 29 they arrived with both machines intact. However,we could not install them because the washers were worn inside the taps. The reason for the leak! I apparently didn't need to buy new laundry equipment at all.

The taps were repaired two days later and the machines were installed. The washer filled with water, drained water but did not agitate. I and the dog spent many hours cross legged in front of it trying to understand the problem, instructions laid out before us. He is of little help in such situations but he does like to lick my face when I am at floor level.

December 24 they were to arrive and take the defective machine back and replace it with a new washer. They didn't show. Merry Christmas - not! When I called they told me my dryer was back ordered to Jan 12th!. I didn't need a new dryer! I did not ask for a new dryer! The new one works fine.

Jan 4th a new year! They delivered the new washer and took away the defective one. Moving both washer and dryer back into a narrow laundry closet. I was not at home,

Coming home and seeing the new machines sitting there pristine, white, at the ready to render my clothes clean, made my heart sing with joy.

I quickly gathered a small load of jeans (2 pairs) and eagerly doled out detergent into its neat little compartment. I reached to press the buttons -nothing happened. No lights, no whirring noise just soul wrenching silence. They had not plugged either machine in!

I could not budge the two stacked units to get behind them to plug them in although I tried from all angles.

For two days I have been on the phone begging, pleading to get someone to come and move the units so they both can be plugged in. I was assured someone would be here yesterday afternoon. No one came.

Mr. Midnight dropped off the dog this morning. He tried to move them and could not get them out either. He did however manage to climb on top of the dryer, tip both machines forward and reach down to plug them in. Practically doing a hand stand, while wondering aloud, if I wasn't going to have to go get help to rescue him.

I can only see his stocking feet while he is doing this. I haven't seen his bare toes in almost six months. They are unruly, knobby, freckly and scatttered very unlike my neat straight little ones, but I find I miss them.

This afternoon the washing machine was working with the blissful muted sounds of expensive engineering. I was smiling broadly cozy at the thought of tide fresh sheets.

Then in a spllt second - a grinding ominous roar and piercing heartbreak! The ill fated washer hit the spin cycle like a two engine cessna accerlerating for take off with a full load of pressed steel, shaking so violently - drywall starts to fly. Drowning out my phone conversation from 40 feet away until I quickly powered it down. The dog hid. I stood there gobsmacked. This just cannot be!

It is now 66 days into my sad saga of laundry woe - I am starting to suspect that dark forces are at work. I must be in a cosmic no clean clothes zone ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The dog and I dined on a burger in the park. Chilly eating outside, unfortunately unlike Europe, doggie patrons are quite unwelcome.

I went through Mr. Midnight's phone bill tonight. I don't have all her numbers any more, but he is still clearly enthralled.

It gives me a creepy feeling really. I literally think she could saw my arm off in front of him and he would still pant at her feet.

The only plus side is that his behaviour is so out there bizarre - it is almost a stereotype - after only a few minutes of conversation - you can tell he is crazy/addicted/out of control really. He is wound up like a top...speaks very fast and only of himself quite boastfully .. constantly fidgets...is incredibly disorganized. His new nickname at work is 'Loopy'. He has been rendered senseless in a fashion but it is not his natural state.

I think my husband is sick. Truly sick.. Whenever he has been sick before once close to dying...I have been able to find a remedy... to nurse him back to health.

With this I can find no remedy. This is almost like dealing with a bush fire... you have to let it burn itself out and keep yourself diligently hosed down or else you end up tinder too!

Oh Paradise!

Okay you have crossed over into new territories in writing now. Comedy you can do. ROFLMAO funny! Wet doggie kisses always make for an enjoyable experience, it's like they know you are completely flustered.

I went out tonight in an experiment and it was sucessful. I went to the Thursday night wine tasting as normal, struck up a conversation with a woman, asked her to have dinner with me and ended up taking two women. Just friends having dinner and I enjoyed it. No uncomfortable feelings just good wine and good company. I can be normal! I felt uneducated but comfortable. The one I met tonight was originally from Munich and is in Nano Technology. The other gal was a friend of a friend and joined us at the last minute because she heard we were going to Sushi. She owns her own computer consulting business and is mega sharp compared to simple old me. Two beautiful women having dinner with fat,old and ugly me! No one would believe it if I told them.

I am surprised you did not push Midnight in while in an unprotected position. Brainwwashing perhaps? Nah, nothing there to wash! An injection of sense is his only hope.

Hey Dukhuntr,

I am happy to hear you had a great evening. The world is full of interesting people. You have to just open yourself to it...

The dog and I watched the Wedding Crashers - very funny movie. I saw it at the theatre but I joined my friends a little late and missed the beginning. It is still really funny the second time around....

I am starting to yawn... so off to bed. I hope you and the pup have a good night's sleep...

Cheers

PB

Hi Paradise!

Just a quick hello and I am off to the duck marsh. It's been three weeks and I am anxious to get back out there. The dog has been restless also so it will be fun.

Have a nice weekend and I will try to post Sunday night when I get home.

Paradise, Eibrab, Holiday.

I hope all of you are well and happy on this beautiful Sunday evening! Duck hunting was terrible and all the dog and I could manage was one goose. A first for the dog too! Normally she will not retrieve a goose. She used to stand on them and bark. This goose landed in the water for a change and she grabbed it by the neck and brought it in. She did spit it out once she hit dry ground but she got it to me and thats all that counts!

If anybody's out there tonight chime in I will be checking back regularly! I need some third party wisdom from people more intelligent than myself! My IC is telling me to do something completely opposite of what I have told you guys I want to do and I'm not sure why.

Hi All,

Back from 3 days in a winter wonderland. It was great. Slowly settling in, unpacking, and believe it or not trying to decide on what to have for dinner at midnight our time! I think I will opt for pasta, I like it with lots of sauce. The dog just likes the sauce.

I bought a great DVD this weekend which I had heard about from friends; "What the Bleep Do We Know" It is a movie that interviews a variety of scientists and discovers that science at the boundaries of our understanding is really alittle weird. I watched it twice.

There is a website which list many of the books by scientists who were interviewed for the film. The link is below.

http://www.whatthebleep.com/books/

Plus I am attaching a link for one book about how the energy of our emotions affects water molecules. Which is really wild and worth a look? It adds a whole new dimension to the power of negative thinking and conversely the power of positive thinking.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1582701148/ref=nosim/104-3853896-4771917?n=283155

I hope everyone is well. Sweet Dreams...

Cheers,

PB

Hey Paradise,

Wherethebleep you been hiding? You must be getting tired of the endless mindnumbing ramblings I have been throwing out there huh? I hope you are well and doing at least as well as I am. I have been feeling pretty good lately. Too busy to ruminate and just enjoying each day as it comes for a change.

How are you doing? I'm guessing you have been curled up with your new books and the dog and just relaxing. Even close? Has the northern freezer weather let up at all? We have had better weather here than in December. The duck hunting went in the tank and we are all guessing they headed back up north, not south. Where have Eibrab and Holiday disappeared to? I miss hearing from them. Have a nice evening and I will talk to you soon. I have to go calm the dog. My son's girlfriend is tormenting her by asking her if she wants to go hunting. She goes psycho when she hears those words and it takes an hour to calm her down. She is scratching at the door and head butting it as I write this. I may have to sedate her if I don't stop Niki from teasing her!

Journal

Coming home from work, purely by chance, I ran into my pert, cute as button, 19 year old niece (on my husband's side). She saw me from across the street and ran for a block to catch up. I had no plans (other than doing laundry by hand in the sink!). She had no plans, so we decided to lyme.

We picked up the dog, dropped off my briefcase and then hit a sushi bar for dinner. I watched her eat - remembering the baby, the toddler, the little girl and now the gorgous young woman - all equally charming and captivating. With a worldly, thoughtful air, her conversation ranged from the merits of thong underwear to how she would deal with my wayward husband. I lisened intently, smiling at her very good sense. Life is a circle.

After lingering over dinner - while the dog waited ever patient on the other side of a glass window, we opted to do a walk about - that in turn led to some serious clothes shopping for her. We did her birthday presents early, very early. She twirled around, struck run way poses in a wild variety of outfits - while chattering nonstop. It is relaxing really - one only has to nod and murmur once in a while.

Four hours disappeared like four minutes. Waving goodby as she jumped on a bus, I let the dog pull me to the park and his favourite bench. I sat there happy; thinking of all the days and evenings over the last summer where I had sat in exactly the same spot ... so very unhappy breathing was hard. Time does heal.

Hi Paradise,

Just finishing my day of cleaning, laundry, and groceries. Day to day stuff that just seems to occupy your mind and time more than you give it credit for. How are you? I've been checking back to hear from you and I hope you are well. Have you been treating the dog to some peace and quiet sans the costumes?

Work and my friends have been keeping me busy and entertained. Seems like everyone I know is in the let's fix dukhuntr up with a date mode. I've met two really nice women through my friends and even took one out last night to dinner and a basketball game. We had a great time and she's a very interesting person. I just can't seem to get too excited about this dating scene though. I don't think I am capable of sustaining anything serious yet and I think she felt it too. I felt fine being with her and being flirtatious and all, but I kept looking for reasons to keep it simple and light. Fear of rejection or lack of trust? Could be either or both I think. I know most of her family and they are really good people, but I still kept my guard up the whole night and I'm not sure why.

To give you an example, we stopped by my house after the game to check on the dog and to make sure my son was not having another impromptu party again. While we were here I went to let the dog in and she stopped me because she is allergic to dogs. I think that may be why her eyes looked watery all night. Too much time in proximity to someone who spends most of his free time with a 70lb black Lab. The night seemed to take a major downturn from there. We went to quiet tavern and had a nice long conversation about one another and a nightcap but it seemed to fizzle from the house on. Could just be me but it sure didn't feel natural after that. Could also be that my ego and psyche are slow to heal and mend.

I do worry about not hearing from you too. Are you doing okay? How are things moving along up in canuk land? Any good stories come out of the Midnight files lately? Take a few minutes when you can and give me a reassuring note on your well being. I do miss hearing from you. You have been a big source of inspiration and reassurance for me for a long time now and I miss our little chats. I'm still a work in process and a really messed up one at that so don't give up on me yet!

Hi Dukhuntr,

We are well here. BBBBRRRRR It is going down to -20 C tomorrow and very cold right now.

I have been taking three day weekends at the cottage for the last several weekends and sans lap top. I haven't been able to post. This coming weekend will be my last weekend up there for the season. I will miss it very much. I really like the place and have been entertaining non-stop.

My Mom is doing well too. I stopped by there on my way back tonight to take her to lunch. She is looking better lately.

Dog is by far and away the happiest. He loves the cottage. It means having wind blown walks on a different but very appealing beach and long quiet hikes on forest trails. After his time outside, he lays down content in the midst of several people preparing large meat oriented dinners. Woof Woof....

Life goes on. I am doing all my normal stuff - back to my day to day routine.

I missed going to a 50th wedding anniversary party on Sunday. Mr. Midnight was there with the OW and her other boyfriend. I heard via the grape vine that it was interesting watching the three of them. I am not sure what is going on but it sounds messy and awkward to me.

He really is acting like an addict. Apparently you can get addicted to any neuro peptide... ones produced by anger, fear, love, and perhaps the excitement certain people bring you.

I watched What the Bleep Do We Know for a third time last night. Mind blowing to think that the material world as we know it is best compared to a hollow deck. Matter is largely empty space with only tiny bits of structure that disappear and reappear and can even appear in two places at once. Wild....

You sound good. I am glad you are getting out. I would hazard a guess that the dating scene will take some getting use to. It does get better gradually doesn't it.

I am off to my Dharma class.... I hope everyone has a great night...


Cheers,

PB

Hello Paradise!

I was getting a little worried about you and it was for no reason. You sound great! Midnight is involved in a sandwich relationship now? He is an idiot! Sounds like a buck in full rut to me. Thats just my hunter showing, but he shows all the same characteristics. Nose to the ground in hot pursuit of the doe in season. Deer in this condition will ignore normal dangers and end up tied to some redneck's truck like mine. You couldn't be so lucky as to have the other boyfriend end up being a redneck though.

Yes this dating stuff is stressful to say the least! I am not big on fashion, but it took three tries to get dressed Saturday night. For a man who usually throws on a pair of jeans and a button down shirt of any color this was a gut wrentching experience. A slave to fashion? I did enjoy the evening so that was good. We'll see how it goes from here. I do hope it gets easier and more comfortable with each new experience.

Okay, what in the world is Dharma? Reruns of the Dharma and Greg TV series in a classroom setting? A class taught by the Dali Llama's dyslexic brother? What? First it's What the bleep and now Dharma. You seem to be going for the cosmic experiences now. It takes a week to learn to define what you are doing before you can practice doing it. Whatever happened to plain old aerobics?

I am truely glad you are well and that the dog had a good time at the cottage scent marking his new territory. HAve a great week and I will let you know if I get a followup on the date. It doesn't look too promising since she says she is allergic to dogs and that girl is still my best friend. Smelly breath and gas but still always happy to see me and she always gets excited when I talk to her.

Hi Dukhuntr,

Dharma loosely translates as teachings in this instance it applies to buddism and meditation practice. I like this particular group - only four of us. We read a select number of passages in a variety of texts and discuss them. All the ideas presented are intriguing. I find many of the concepts are worth thinking about at length.

Mr. Midnight sounds lost and unhappy of late. I spend some time every day - wishing him well. It calms me and makes me feel better. The more I read about the male mid life crisis, the more I believe he is a text book example. Sometimes they don't really come out of it. I miss the man I married very much at times.

I find grief just grabs me out of the blue every once in awhile. Often at awkward times or places I literally flood with tears and that clenched feeling of intense grief. In rare moments, I even find I am crying without being aware I am crying.

Loss is always hard to deal with. It puts you face to face with the impermanent nature of our lives, relationships, our world as a whole.

There are other moments where I feel as though parts of me are stretching out, breathing deeper - relieved and content. It is a confusing time.

On a happier note, I am giddy with excitement. They are coming this evening to install a kit which will allow my washer to work properly. It has now been 79 days since I paid for the machines. I have yet to see them work properly.

Perhaps as a boost to your romantic confidence, you should invite your daughter to take you shopping for a new dating wardrobe - say a couple of classic items that will stand you in good stead. It is always helpful to have a feminine perspective - a fun outing that just might make these first tentative evenings alittle easier.

Mr. Midnight still calls me to ask what he should wear to any variety of functions. I find it funny. I am mildly sarcastic in my suggestions but he is so self absorbed these days he doesn't get it. "Well does she like you in blue?" I hate being droll when no one laughs but me!

I hope you and pup have a great night... Smelly breathe? Her teeth need brushing. Petsmart has chicken flavoured enzyme toothpaste. It is yummy apparently. Even if you just rub it on her teeth with your finger it will be better than naught. It stops the decay and helps to make their mouths smell better. She will think it is a treat! So will you in the morning after all those sloppery wake up kisses...

Cheers,

PB

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journal,

Oh &^*&%, they arrived with the wrong kit. I still cannot use the washer. The delivery men I believe were taken aback at the level of my frustration, nor would they believe I have been waiting 79 days! I asked them to simply remove both machines I will buy them elsewhere. They refused to do so without head office direction. Poop! Double Poop!

Hello Dharma Queen,

I knew women had large wardrobes , but 79 days without washing must be a record! I could do that in college but it would get ugly pretty quick now. I bet the neighbors will appreciate it too. No wonder the dog wants to walk so much. Does he tend to stay on the upwind side of you on your walks?

Yes my wardrobe needs a tune-up of sorts. I have slacks and dress shirts for work but I tend to go more casual everywhere else. Finding nice casual clothes takes more effort than I usually expend on shopping. Do you think Cabela's would have some nice stuff? I shop that catalog regularly, usually for camo gear. I got the dog a nice camo floatation vest there. That would look good wouldn't it, show up for a date in a nice camo shirt and briar proof jeans with hunting boots too! I would skip the camo baseball cap for her! Sounds like a redneck joke doesn't it? All that is missing is a can of snuff and a bag of pork rinds.

I try not to put anything I want to keep attached to my hand anywhere near this dog's mouth. Sneaking her a snack can cause blood loss so I'm not sure I want to try and brush those rather large canine's. I will try it once and refer the physician to you for treatment advise.

My date from Saturday night called me today! A minor miracle in my opinion. She wanted to know if I would go to the Safari Club's convention and exhibition with her. She asked me to go see dead animals, guns, knives and hunting and fishing guides all in one place. She didn't know if I would want to go or not. She has a lot to learn about the "dukhuntr". At $200 american per pass I said to get four and we would go twice. She works at the casino resort hosting the convention and gets them for free. I like this woman more and more each minute!

Well off to enjoy my home cooked meal of deer salami, dry jack cheese and a handful of raw almonds. It is lazy but still within reason on my post holiday "eating plan". Have a peaceful and relaxing evening. I started reading a Ludlum book last night and finished half of it by 1:30am. Going to finish it tonight I hope and early too. I can't remember the last time I felt relaxed enought to read something other than an MB book or something similar. Is that a light I see at the end of this tunnel?

Hi Dukhuntr,

Actually, between the dry cleaners and hand laundry I have been staying pretty much on top of the clothes I just keep going out and buying new sheets though. Although of late my Mom has been doing laundry for me. She irons the sheets. There is nothing truly nicer than sleeping in a bed made up with ironed linen.

I am cleaning tonight - floors and carpets. Although curling up with a suspense novel sounds like more fun.

Enjoy.... Isn't it nice to be normal again!

Snuff? Please tell me you don't use snuff?

Holiday? Eirab? Familycomesfirst? Everyone O.K.?

Cheers,

PB

Paradise,

You are too much! I make fun of your predicament with the washer and dryer and you take me seriously? I was just ribbing you a little. I hope you know that.

I think I am becoming normal again. I am starting to feel normal once more. I know the thoughts and dwelling only occur in short and ugly bursts anymore. My ability to relax and have fun are definitely back. I think it took my work and the pressures there to snap me back into reality again.
As for the snuff I have to confess to starting up again after quitting 5 years ago. Alcohol and depression mixed with friends who still dip added up to a readdiction. I will quit again soon I promise, I have made the same promise already to the kids.

What do you think about the gal asking me if I wanted to go to the Safari Club convention? She's in for an eye opener huh! How are you coming along towards feeling normal? It is definitely not the same normal as before but I hope it will be as relaxed and peaceful. There is a different rhythm to life now. Less forced and fewer influences from outside my home. Fewer relatives for sure. We'll have to wait and see how we both adapt to the new rhythm to see if we can dance to the beat or stumble along on the sidelines. I think you will be gliding along as light as a feather and as graceful as ever. Me, I will have to shed my hunting boots and learn to dance a little better.

Happy cleaning!

This post is from another site - the link is below:

http://fortysixty.invisionzone.com/

It was very appropo for my situation and perhaps the situation other readers find themselves in...



"It isn’t enough!"

He says: “We have the house, two cars, the summer place, and all of this but I’m not happy and I haven’t been for the past two years. I need my space. I feel trapped. I want to get away. My job sucks and it has for a while; I feel like I’m at a dead end and I feel crowded in with our marriage…” Hang on women you are in for one ****** of a ride!
This man is primed for a mid-course correction and it is going to take some time.
We receive letters daily from wives of these men that have visited www.fortysixty.org and have not joined the Forum, seeking some kind of help so that they can help their husbands. Nearly all of these letters end with the question: ”what can I do? If I feel that the person may be open to some dialogue I will ask if they meant “what can I do for him?” or if they meant “what can I do for me?”. The correct question is the latter but I often suspect they have meant the former.

So, what can you do for him?
The quick answer to that question is “absolutely nothing”.
Wives tend to want to “fix it”; but this cannot be fixed by a wife of a man in mid-course correction or by anyone else for that matter. He must face this alone.

What would happen if I just frankly spoke the truth?
If I was in your living room right now and had your earnest attention and was free to speak my heart into your heart, what would I say?
If you can bear my honest answer then read on.
If you don’t feel that you are ready then hit your “back button” and visit another thread.
Does this seem reasonable to you?
..
..
..
..
..
..
Okay, I assume that anyone reading from this point on is “with me” on this. Here is my heart-to-heart:
When your husband outlines to you what I wrote in my opening paragraph or variations of the same – you are now in your own crisis at midlife. I don’t believe so much that only a man enters a midlife crisis but rather that a couple enter a midlife crisis. Many of the women who have dared to examine themselves through the MLC Quiz on our website will find that suddenly they appear to score high themselves in the results. Many, many wives report that “I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t do anything to deserve this, and now I’m hurting and in all of this pain”. Dear One, he has said the same thing but he never vocalized it to you. His “sudden” slide into midlife crisis has triggered your own of a different sort. Hear me out …

What we know as male midlife crisis is really a mid-course correction for men. Daniel Levinson describes three essential tasks for men at midlife that begin with his Reappraisal of his life to date along with his choices with an eye to the future. Mixed into this reappraisal is the testing of these choices and the establishing of new ones that will survive the second half of life. The questions that he might ask are nearly the same as a young man following puberty:

1. Where will I live?
• How has my choice of location affected my life and should it change?
• Is this home a good choice for our future or has it been the thing that binds me in this career? Oddly enough many men renovate, build, or purchase a new home prior to the above speech.

2. What about my job; my career?
• Is this what I want to be doing 15 years from now?
• Am I happy in my work?
• I feel trapped in this hamster wheel; what if I had the freedom to change jobs?
• What would I do if I could make new job choices just for me right now?

3. What about my marriage?
• Will I stay married?
• What if I had a different partner?
• What factors about our marriage affect the way I feel right now?
• Is she my soul mate? The only one for me?
• Will I be happy the rest of my life in this marriage?
• Will I regret my marriage choice when I’m 65 years old?

Do you see what I’m getting at? A midlife crisis is a time of midcourse correction where he will test these former decisions in the light of how he feels now and in view of his future. Tell me, how many of these same questions have you been forced to address in recent days for yourself?

Let’s talk about hormones.
The sullen reality for a man in midlife is the decline of serum testosterone in his body that has encountered a sharper drop around age 40 – 50 and has triggered the mood feelings that he has never encountered before along with its corresponding male depression. I have always said that what we call midlife crisis is really a euphemism for midlife male depression and more so the antidotes we employ to assuage it. Thus if we could write this into an equation it could appear something like this:
----- > 40ish ---- > andropause ---- > depression ---- > midlife transition ----- >

What of your own hormones? You too have needed to deal with the hormone changes at midlife.

Can we agree to some measure then that you too are in a crisis at midlife?

My frank advise:
• Address the same top three life decisions that he is facing for you – Where will I live? What about my job? (Financial future). What of my marriage; will I remain married?

• Begin immediately to plan your life as though he were not in your future.

• Detach. He wants his space and will find one way or another to get it. Don’t resist it at the expense of your own well being. Begin now to reinvent yourself in view of your own independence.

• If he commits adultery and is engaged in the life of another woman contact an attorney and initiate divorce proceedings without delay. Secure your marital property, retirement funds, savings, and finances by court order. Do not wait until these have all dried away with his midlife foray. Lavish spending is an earmark of men in midlife crisis.

• Become self sufficient. Train now for job reentry if you have not been employed outside of the home. Find work to supplement your income. Prepare your future as though he will never again be in it.

• Become involved and not only a reader of the FortySixty Forum. One needs only to follow the postings of those that have been posting here most frequently to acknowledge the difference in their lives. The support in both the forums and private messaging and mentoring is second to none in the world; believe me, I have looked. Your silence creates an emotional trap of its own; you need to voice your feelings and your growth – do it here, do it now, do not delay.

Does this mean that you give up hope for him and your marriage? No!
It means that you have capitalized on the most adverse trial of your life.

My research indicates that the average duration of a midlife crisis is presently standing at between four and five years - at the outsides as little as two weeks and as long as ten years. By doing the above you preserve and better not only your self but preserve the potential physical structure of the marriage. We do not need to recite case histories of waste and mismanagement of the finances of men in midlife crisis; there is volumes already written. When he reaches up from the bottom of life one of you will be well positioned to avoid making this the restart point of rebuilding your marriage. I’m not asking you to take this responsibility on but rather suggesting it as a pragmatic approach to holding on to hope.

Thank you for inviting me into your living room today that we might be honest and talk. And isn’t this a lot better than just crudely saying as others might “He’s gone, its over, get over it and get on with your life”.
So tell me how you feel right now about this.

Newman


--------------------

It’s about Putting Yourself at Risk
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly . . . who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat.
— Teddy Roosevelt

Hi Dukhuntr,

Sorry, my neverending laundry woes have scrubbed any humor I find in the situation.

Re the date, I believe she is showing her good taste and discernment. I know you both will enjoy the Safari Club do. Let your sense of fun out! Perhaps I should revisit the wording of that.

I am happy that life is starting to trend normal again for you. Time does work wonders doesn't it.

It is ridiculously late here. One last walk for dog and then I am off to dream.

Cheers,

PB

Hi All,

I found a couple interesting articles tonight that I thought you might find thought provoking.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/national/health/march99/infid033099.htm

http://www.americanvalues.org/html/does_divorce_make_people_happy.html



Cheers,

PB

Journal

Today is my birthday. It has been kind of a week long celebration starting last weekend and ending next weekend. I am blessed with very kind wonderful friends. I say prayers of thanks for this daily. I had some great emails, several singing phone calls and assorted in public serenades. I blush when someone sings to me. I think I like it almost as well as dancing!

After dining with friends, I am now home happily pulling apart a storage cupboard. There is alot of spiritual relief to be had by giving away stuff you don't need. It also allows for more space to buy more things that you don't need.

I am making piles of sports equipment for just about every sport imaginable. Some outdated stuff I will parcel up, other items, like my canoe paddle I have to sit and fondle for a while. I love canoeing.

Cat Stevens is on the cd player. It reminds me of many teen age nights spent in a girlfriend's room where we lisened to this album again and again while debating the merits of hairspray, push up bras and giggling over any number of gangly youths. She is in Africa now. I am going to send her a long email tonight to tell her how much I miss her.

It is my first birthday on my own. I had a business call with Mr. Midnight this morning after about 20 minutes, just as he was about to hang up he said " Oh by the way, Happy Birthday!" I didn't think he would remember.

Birthdays I always find are interesting days. They are a time when you sit back on your heels and say wow I am a year older and what exactly do I want to do with this next year of my life.... I think also they are a time to appreciate what you have experienced, to indulge in happy memories. I have so many!

Time is really very precious. We grossly misuse it and fail to appreciate its fleeting nature. I pulled out a wedding gift tonight and put it aside for my wayward half. His colour scheme is brown this is a lovely Birk's ceramic vase - cream with bits of brown still in its elegant blue box. The card reads " May you always be as happy as you are today." Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder if he will stop and read it with any sense of irony.

I hope everyone is well out there tonight. I know there are many who are hurting very badly. Even amidst all that searing pain please know it will pass....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PARADISE!

May all your wishes come true and all of your thoughts be happy. I hope you had a wonderful day and I hope you have a peaceful sleep tonight.

Pleasant dreams!