My wife and I are just not doing well. She wants to do what she wants and feels she's not doing anything wrong. She refuses to do any of the things I have asked in order to recover from her affair. She no longer wears her wedding ring and admits that she is on the fence and if she was forced to choose which side to jump on, it would be the divorce side. She says that I won't get over this and that I she's miserable. She begins working next week with the OM, and this is causing me a great deal of stress and pain. She has not filed for divorce, but I believe she is "hoping" that I will do it for her/us.

I'm worn out and completely lost. I have considered going to plan a, but I she will not leave the home and I can not leave since an attorney advised me not to leave the home (we have a 3 yr old daughter).

I'm getting beat up nightly and I'm still obsessed over the affair and our problems. I can't seem to move past it and just work on the marriage. I have tried to meet my wife's needs, but she is more concerned with me just laying over and letting her do anything she and her mother want.

The divorce papers are ready to be signed, but I just can't bring myself to sign it.

If the Xws isn't making you feel safe, then ask her why and what her plans are t/d so. Don't use the 'love' word. Xws' can't relate to loving any family member (their aliens remember). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Think about plan B b4 plan D. What r your boundaries?

L.

She probably is still in the fog and she is looking forward to meeting OM at work. If she goes back to work with him then the A will start again (if it ever stopped). While she has her mind set on OM you can't recover.

Grove - you've got to accept the fact that until she is hit with a very dark Plan B, NOTHING here will change because she has no motivation to change.

Someone here said that while in Plan A, you should EXPECT that the WS will be in contact with the OP and EXPECT that they will ignore every effort you make to get through to them.

So, what's the point of Plan A? If nothing else, so that YOU can look back and say to WS (once they've had the daylights shocked out of them by a few weeks/months of your Plan B), "Hey, I tried to work this out with you and tried to do what I could to bring you back to the marriage. You were the one who wasn't interested, remember?"

Right now I am watching the news as Israeli forces try to remove hardcore settlers from a synagogue. Now, the troops don't just rush up there and start dragging people out. They speak to the people first and *ask* them to do the lawful thing by getting up and leaving. It's not that the troops believe that simply asking is going to get these people to leave; it won't, and they know that. But it is the right thing to do and allows the soldiers to say later, "We gave them every chance before we had to carry them out."

That's where you are, Grove. You are doing the civilized thing by *asking* her to do what is right before you take action. But you cannot just throw up your hands and quit when of course your polite requests have no effect.

We already know they're not going to have an effect.

You've already done the right thing with your Plan A, but that's only Part One. Are you making plans for Plan B, which is Part Two?

Don't give up. The real work hasn't even started yet. Everything so far has just been preparation.
Mulan

I am going to go to plan b starting next week. Since it looks like I have exhausted all of my options, this seems like the only plan I have left.

I will talk to SH and get his advice and see how I should handle it since I have a three year old that I need to be concerned about. I will not do anything that will risk my losing her if we do end up divorcing. My daughter also has a birthday party on Sept 10th that I want to be a part of, so I also want to be careful not to miss out on that.

I will also talk to my attorney and see what he thinks might happen.

Honestly I'm a little scared, but I don't see that I have any options left. I've been with her since HS, so this is very scary.

I need to be honest, I never did a very good Plan A. I averaged on LB moment every night. I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut. I don't yell very often, but I do preach and lecture often whenever she does something I think is inappropriate.

Thanks