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#1455202 08/18/05 02:52 PM
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I was just curious if anyone ever sued the OP after the affair. I'm "suing my wife for divorce", but I was wondering if anyone has ever done anything like this?

I have lost wages due to depression, etc.
We were in the process of adopting a second child internationally (loss = 8,000).
Wife got an STD
We will most likely take a huge hit from the sale of our home.
Cost of MC/IC.
I'm still depressed and have trouble concentrating and sleeping.

OM continued contact after DDay, claimed he would stop.

Last edited by grovetuckyohio; 08/18/05 02:53 PM.
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My understanding is that is varies by state. It is tough to do here in Texas but it can be done. It is a tort law and is called "intentional infliction of emotional distress." But, you have to have two supporting causes of action to litigate this. In my case, I have "interference with a marital relationship", and "conspiring to prevent an equitable distribution of community property." My attorney plans to file this suit after the D. As my stbxw and om both work together, my attorney plans on naming the employer as an accessory (closed campus facillitating the secrecy of the affair). My atty thinks he and the company will settle to avoid litigation. We will see.

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Some states refer to it as "Alienation of affection" and people have been sued over it. Don't know the penalty but if you type this in your search engine it will show you.

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Wow! Bitter??


WH (after 1 year legal seperation) B: 09/1976 M: 06/1997 Legally Seperated: 07/2004 Wife moved back in 08/21/2005 vacilating between withdrawal and conflict
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Yes, I'm bitter, but honestly I think actions should have consequences. My wife is paying for her actions, I'm paying for their actions, my daughter is paying for their actions, so I believe he should also.

I hate using the legal system to do this, but it seems like the most civil way to handle this.

I haven't decided to go through with this, but I am looking into my options.

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Grovetucky,

I am an attorney licensed to practice in the State of Ohio (even though I live in TX). Last I heard of the subject (when I was in law school 20 years ago) Ohio did not recognize a cause of action for spousal alienation of affection - don't know for certain, but doubt the law has changed. That being said, if you really want to pursue the idea, talk to an attorney who specializes int his are of law (I do not).

Regards,

BB

Regards,

BB

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Grovetucky,

You have a daughter?? Can you add anymore damage? Maybe you could slash your wife's tires or throw a rock through the other man's window.

Grow up. You have a daughter and you should be trying to be cordial with your spouse/ex-spouse not be a vindictive ex. Put your daughter first.

Moderator, this is support. It is support for a healthy activity of growing up. Ban me if you wish it would be #4 (so you don't have to look it up).


WH (after 1 year legal seperation) B: 09/1976 M: 06/1997 Legally Seperated: 07/2004 Wife moved back in 08/21/2005 vacilating between withdrawal and conflict
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Quote
Grovetucky,

Moderator, this is support. It is support for a healthy activity of growing up. Ban me if you wish it would be #4 (so you don't have to look it up).

This is really rich support coming from someone using Clintonesque loopholes to excuse cheating on marital vows.

LOL - Oh That's who you are! SNL was banned 3 times too!


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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and I am busting my A55 to try and do what is best for my son.

Rather than being vindictive.


WH (after 1 year legal seperation) B: 09/1976 M: 06/1997 Legally Seperated: 07/2004 Wife moved back in 08/21/2005 vacilating between withdrawal and conflict
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I wish. You can sue over spilt hot coffee, but I do not think you can sue over this. Does not make anysense.

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It really is a quandry to pursue such restitution. The thing for me is that this guy had a hand in harming me. My WW made her decision and will have to live with it. I really dont have any animosity towards her anymore. Just indifference. But a substantial part of my compensation is based on commission and profitability of my company. I have lost over $10,000 so far in commission from what I earned last year. I have been able to increase my earnings every year for the past 8 years and this is the first decline. My company has been harmed as well. Someone should be held responsible for this. My job calls for me to be creative and responsive to my clients. My ability to do this had allowed me to increase my revenue every year up until this year. My creativity and my responsiveness to my clients was greatly reduced by the emotional stress I was put under. OM means nothing to me. Is that vindictive? I dont think so.

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Brit\'s Brat ", I had heard that Ohio had something like "intentional infliction of emotional distress/harm."

Wow, I didn't mean to cause such an uproar. I didn't say I was going to do this, but I wanted to know what other people might have done and get some insight as to whether I was being a little over the top for thinking of this.

Truth be told, this society has gone to heck. We don't hold people accountable for their actions, I'd just like to see this guy held accountable.

Example: I will have HPV (an STD) at least for 3 more years, maybe the rest of my life. I will have to inform my next partner of the risk and who knows whether that person will want to pursue a relationship with me.

Actions should have consequences. That's all I'm saying.

I'd like to know if there is a way to do this other than beating the heck out of the guy. I thought I was being civil. I waited until I was sure my marriage was over before even considering this. How will this effect my daughter, she won't even know about it??

Last edited by grovetuckyohio; 08/19/05 12:24 AM.
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Laws DO vary from state to state. NC has seen the most effective "alienation of affection" lawsuits. The successful ones used lawyers, took lots of time, and therefore cost a lot of money. My lawyer said I had a relatively easy case for this, but I chose not to pursue it. Remember, divorce papers become public records. Is this something you want privy to the world's eyes, including your kids and grandkids?

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Grove said: Actions should have consequences. That's all I'm saying.

I agree. They already HAVE had consequences, look at your family. What it really sounds like is that you want them to suffer like you have. As has been pointed out repeatedly here at MB, their actions will catch up to them. But it may be way down the road. You want him/them to be held accountable? They're in the fog and don't operate within reasonable societal interactions. At this point, the only person they'll be accountable to is God.

My advice is to take the high road of integrity, and don't sue the OM. It will probably be a wasted effort on your part unless your state has favorable conditions and you can prove that he premeditatively pursued her, will be an exercise in frustration.

I also have a question - if your wife has STD, have you been tested or are you assuming you automatically got one from her?

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avondale25, I'm not assuming, I've got it. The warts showed up about a month ago. Of course my wife still claims she doesn't know how she got them. She says her affair wasn't physical.

I can prove that the OM started calling my wife three months prior to her calling him (cell phone records).

I doubt I will pursue this course of action, but I am curious.

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grovetuckohio,

Can't say I blame you a bit for your feelings on this. I felt the same way. If there had been ANY way I could have inflicted ANY turmoil or trauma in the life of the OW, I would have done it. Unfortunately, (or perhaps fortunately <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> for her), my state does not have the "alienation" law or any other law that could have been applied.

Now that some time has passed, I guess I'm glad I wasn't able to persue any such venture. It would have been very expensive, time consuming and kept her in the forefront of my life for quite a while. And she didn't deserve that place. Not in MY life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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If you can do this I wuold say go for it.

It IS about time OM's and OW's were held accountable.

Not only did it mess you up financially but also emotionally.

I think there should be law against this as there is law against adultery (unenforced garbage but it is there).


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Personally, I think we should be able to sue the OP. They helped screw up our marriages and took so much away from us. I say if you are able to do it go for it. I don't care if it's bitter or not!!!!


Me 35
STBX 39
Dear son 9
Married...15 years (Jan. 20, 1990)
D-Day July 20, 2004.
Divorcing!

What goes around comes around

Sometimes we have to hold our head high, blink back the tears and say GOOD-BYE
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Thanks, I was starting to think I was the only one to feel this way.

Not sure I will do this, but I'm thinking about it.

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If I could do it here in Florida...I WOULD!!! Hey...you have to do what is best for you and look out for number 1.
Go for it!!!!!


Me 35
STBX 39
Dear son 9
Married...15 years (Jan. 20, 1990)
D-Day July 20, 2004.
Divorcing!

What goes around comes around

Sometimes we have to hold our head high, blink back the tears and say GOOD-BYE
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> My husband byron not only got herpes from the poison pu$$y robin on the job but he's trying to deny that he's slept with her & had the nerve to say sounding like a teeneager "it wasn't me" when i called him on the job when the i got the diagnosis -

mind you the doc mis-diagnosised me from nov 02 until he decided to test for herepes in aug 04 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
so i was more than a little upset I did fire that doc

my daughter cussed byron out on the phone after i told her (she's 22) when he tried to deny giving herpes to me

my daughter told him there's no way i got it cheating on him since even when she & my friends have tried to convince me to go ahead & cheat i always said no i am married & my son lived home & my g-son was at the house way too much for me to have an affair & no one know about it

yes do check to see if your state has the alienation of affections laws -

since byron & i are still married althou seperated i've not pursued it but in the event that he should ever get stupid enough to file

i will be pursueing that avenue &
also checking to see if i can also add comcast cable to the lawsuit since they did allow for the affair to go on even after it was brought up to their attention -
in fact the manager i spoke to tried to say it's not their job to say anything & i told him about byron's 1st job & how the HR dept at CT Bank & Trust handled the exact same sitch

i suspect that in CT the old law can be brought forward & also be used against the jobs;

since byron was fired from one job previous to this for having an affair with a girl on that job althou the reason for his firing wasn't given as the affair byron was fired a few months after the affair was exposed to the boss of the job since the supervisor was turning a blind eye until i called to ask the girl's last name to be sure that i had the proper spelling &

when i was in my early 20's a friend of mine was brought in to the big HR office at CT Bank & Trust for having an affair with a guy on the job who had told her that he was seperated but his wife came to the job & complained so my firend was told to leave him alone (he was also told to stop the affair) or leave the job if she & he was insitant on carrying on the affair with that meeting the affair stopped & my poor girlfriend was devasted at having been lied to but that was due to her being young dumb & stupid girl of only 23 since of course the guy didn't leave his wife or file for divorce which he had told my girlfriend was actualy already in process

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