Hello,

I am a 23 year old female who has been married for 3 years (I know I got married young). My husband just told me that had a one night stand with an ex-friend of mine. And I actually was willing to forgive him and to move on with the marriage but he says that he doesn't want too. He says that the marriage has been over for quite a while but I questioned that because of how he treated me over the years. Which was great. I don't understand why he wants to end our marriage. He says that he can't see our marriage working out in the future. And his reasons are not valid enough for me to believe. I think that he is just hurting and not able to communicate that with me. He goes back and forth with saying that the marriage can work then back to it can't. He makes me feel like I am begging him to stay with me when in reality it should be the other way around. What he has done has really hurt me but him not wanting to work it out is worse than anything. I am not sure what to do. Give it more time or just give up. We still live in the same house and have no active plans to move to separate locations. I would think that if he really wanted out of the marriage he would have put in our notice to vacate the apt and go our separate ways. Also he still wears his wedding ring. Is that a sign of false hope on my part? Do men really act this resentful after they expose their affair? I try talking to him everyday to see if he give me some sort of sign that this can work but I am losing hope. Has anyone seen this type of behavior before and if so can you please help me!!!

The validity of his reasons is not your to decide. They ARE HIS reasons.

He may still be in contact with the lover. He may just be confused about what he wants.

Read up on meeting his emotional needs and Plan A on this site.

Basically, you have to respect his feelings as being HIS feeling and begin to do everything you can to make yourself and the marriage attractive to him.

Low

Poetess,

MARRIAGE COUNSELING!!!

Please find a pro-marriage counseler (MC) and set up an appointment pronto.

This third party will help get the communication going between you two and keep it in the direction that will be most benificial.

I strongly suggest this.

k

I really don't know much about this and it is so hard to say anything without knowing a little more but here is what it sounds like to me.
Maybe he is not sure if he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Maybe he still wants to mess around a little but still wants the security of comming home to a wife every night. Maybe he is not sure which one he wants to give up and that is why he is flip floping about working things out.