I have been married 7 years (2 children age 6 and age2). For the last 6 1/2 years my husband has been physically and verbally abusing me. The last time he did this he was arrested. He is being charged with four felonys, two of them are strikes. I have been talking to him. I would like to get back with him. But, only if he stops all forms of abuse. The problem I am having is he is constsntly blaming me for the charges. Yes I did press the charges but he is the one who commited the crimes. I know by the accusations he hasn't changed at all. He has also cheated on me many many times. I just am having a really big problem letting go. I love him and would love nothing more than for him to change. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any help? Thnak you!

Laura:

I really think you should seek some counseling thru a womens shelter or on your own, to help you let go of this man.

Someone who has repeated affairs and repeatedly abuses his wife is not good reltaionship material. What solid, concrete steps has HE taken to deal with his issues? Since he is still blaming you, my guess is none.

I'm sorry, but you deserve someone who will treat you decently...and your kids do not need to grow up with this model of marital behavior.

I was in your shoes once. I was 22 at the time with a 1 year old son. I stayed for two more years of it and at 24 I just left for the shelter and got out.

My son will tell you it was the right thing for us. We made do, we had friends and a group of people we could rely on and it made me stronger. You can do this!

Even if you love him with all your heart, YOU can't change him or force him to treat you with respect. He needs to welcome a change in himself and come to you with remorse before you could consider a life with him.

I know it's hard to let go. But please try to do this just for you.

as someone who was emotionally, verbally and physically abused, my husband has made me totaly emotionally withdraw from him and our marriage.

there are more things since then that he has done to make me feel this way. i am constantly giving him chances. they are
all broken promises.

we are worth more than that. go while you can. you will see
that what you are living is not love or marriage. good luck!

RUN - RUN VERY FAST

He is a liar and a cheat

He is emotionally abusive and from that it became physical...

You love him - NO, you are just use to the dysfunction of your M to him..

Yes - I wanted my WH to CHANGE...it hasn't happened..So guess what - I changed..I had to learn to let go..

Loving him was painful - more painful then letting go..

Quit saying You love him...Loving someone is a choice - you must choose to Love yourself first..and value yourself..and let him go destroy himself not you and your family.

It's always easier for the abuser to blame anyone other than themselves.

I am not bashing you - I am in your same shoes and I am stepping out of those shoes..In 10 years my WH never hit me - once confronted with his OW and caught in many lies - he became horrible to live with, he becomes verbally and now physically abusive..and I don't see it ever stopping..I only see his anger escalate..

Hugs and Healing Vibes...

I was in a similar situation with my ex-husband. He cheated, he hit me and controlled every single part of our relationship. Please get out now!! It will never change. I knew there would be a breaking point, I would leave when I had enough! My breaking point came earlier than expected because my ex choked me until I passed out in front of my two year old son. My son woke me up saying are you dead yet mommy? That evening while my ex was a work, I moved out with everything I could carry. My son was only two and he had already witnessed too much. Please get out and get out now! It won't ever get better. I honestly feel that my ex would have killed me if I didn't leave when I did. I walked away from everything I had. I didn't have money or a place to go. Shortly after I left everything just fell into place. My son and I are very happy now. Five years later I thank GOD that I got out of there alive.