I have been married for 7 years we have 2 children age 2 and age 6. For the last 6 1/2 years my husband has been cheating on me verbally and physically abusing me. The last incident he was arrested. He is being charged with 4 felonys and two of those are strikes. He goes to court next week. My problem is I still love him. I would love to work things out. But, he is constantly telling me how he can't believe the thing I told the police ( I was unconcious when the paramedics arrived). Hs mother is constantly screamikng at me saying I am ruining his life and I should just drop the charges (impossible) and leave him alone. He says he wants to get back together onme day then the next day he is screaming at me telling me he hates me and he wishes he had never met me. We have been going to counseling at church but it dosen't seem to have helped him yet. He wants me to go to the police and say I was confused and some of the things didn't happen the way I said they did. I couldn't believe he asked me to do that and when I wasn't willing to do it he said I will never find a man that dosen't beat me because I am such a *****. I just don't know what to do. Right now he is not living in the house and after next wendesday he will probably be in jail for a while. In the meantime I am going to lose our house, can't pay our bills and when I mention that to him he gets mad. I don't know if I should jusst give up or keep working on it. Please help. Please pray for me. Thank you.

Laura,
Please get help/counseling from a domestic violence expert, etc for yourself and your children. Your husband is doing awful things to you, please keep yourself safe. And his mom doesn't sound healthy herself. You are worth more than this and you do not deserve this. You are not a ***. I don't even know you but you do not need to subject yourself to that garbage. Please don't give in to his manipulations and change your story to the police. Love must be tough- and you do not need to take any more abuse.
Prayers to you..
adgirl48

My husband verbally, emotionally and physically abused
me. He was arrested last year when I wasnt going to take
it anymore. We went to counseling, etc.

But since then he has caused me more emotional harm.

I wish I never met him because this is not love.
Now that I am emotionally withdrawn from him, he
wants to start sweeping me off my feet. I am only
willing to stay for our home, etc...

I know what you must be going thru. Since he is
already out of the house and you may lose some
things, my advice is to pick yourself up and
get your life back on track, without this abuser.

You WILL find a man one day that will not treat
you so harshly. And you will know by this experience
just how they should treat you.

Never settle. It will be worth it for you to
have peace of mind. Don't stay. You will regret it.

You may love him, but do you really want someone
who will harm you and tell you that you will never
find anyone who wont beat you because you're a "...."??

You're worth more! Please live a happy life.
No man treating a woman like our husbands have
is worth it. I wish you the best!!!!

Laura, there is NO excuse for spousal abuse...NONE.

DO NOT excuse or assist his continual sin against God and against yourself.

At a minimum, a total separation from him is in order, at least until such time as he has had treatment for his anger management problem AND successfully changed. But NO addiction is "broken" by denial or excusing the destructive behavior. It is broken only when the addict chooses to make the changes needed, an no amount of "loving the addict despite their addiction" will help.

Consider, also, what YOU are teaching your children. It's "okay" to abuse someone. Some "else" is responsible for your bad behavior. Don't address problems. Christians can disobey God with impunity, it doesn't matter what God has commanded. Etc., etc.,. etc., as the King of Siam would say.

God bless.

"he is constantly telling me how he can't believe the thing I told the police ( I was unconcious when the paramedics arrived)."

You can love him, and you can forgive him, and you can be open to reconciliation with him.

BUT God has given you life and given you children to care for. If he goes to jail, that could wake him up to this not being your fault.

Cherished
My husband woke up
It can happen, but he has free will.

{{{Laura}}}


You did the right thing. Don't lie for him. He is trying to bully you, is all.

The courts will lead him to counseling, and that is your best chance.

If you give in , it will get worse.

(I ought to know...)

You are doing the loving thing.

how will ever get help if he wants you to lie for him??? this means he does not see anything wrong with it, and will repeat his actions. if he wants help, then ****** let go of the denial.....DONT PUT YOUR KIDS IN DANGER!!!!!!!!!! i know you think of this, but women and thier children die every day from abuse....as mothers, our ultimate purpose in life is to love and protect our little ones, and this is where you have to be strong... i am a single mother in the military, and i have dealt with abuse, among other things... youd be surprised the power you have over you life.... how can you love someone you beat???? ask yourself that, if you havent already. as for his mother, screw her, she more than likely was/is abused by her husband...

You could call the domestic violence help lines, search the web; get assistance in your State for help with food, income, and housing. Many domestic violence agencies have safe houses for you and your children to live in and he won't even know where you are (they keep it secret and nobody knows). In addition, they will help you with all the assistance you need -- food, clothing, shelter, and even help with babysitting, job placement and even further education through a vocational rehabilitation resource should you need it; eventually helping you get a home of your own for you and your children. THERE IS HELP!! However, if you drop the charges or show sympathy by minimizing this abuse -- you will not be eligible.

I'm surprised that the hospital did not supply you with any domestic crime victims' literature! You could also contact the police, I'm surprised they didn't give you any information either. Under no circumstances would I defend his actions in any way, nor would I drop the charges. The abuse will progress to deadly proportions if he does not ALWAYS suffer the consequences of these dangerous and potentially deadly actions. It's just a matter of how many times he suffers by his own hand and is held accountable, and how far it has already progressed.

You have already been abused numerous times ... and even carted away in an ambulance, unconscious at that! This is a very dangerous man, indeed!!!

Please keep you and your children safe. Forget the MIL, she obviously has problems of her own IMO -- to think she would risk your life and even that of her own grandchildren, something is very wrong there.
RUN LIKE H*LL!

You are in my prayers!!!!!!