I just need some input and this will probably be long - sorry - figured I would cover all the points. It has been almost a year since I feel my marriage has fallen apart. My husband came to me last June and said that our marriage was in trouble and me being the person I am was blwon away by this and tried everything to make him happy. Later that month I found out that he was talking to a friend excessively - a woman at work - and this really bothered me and I said you need to choose her or me. Well, he would not give her up said she was just a friend - continued talking to her daily - many times a day. I really thought and think he was/is having an affair, but could never get concrete proof.

In Jan he moved out and has been out since then. The other woman had a baby in April - so now I had to deal with who if the father? Not sure if it is my husbands or her boyfriends and there in no father listed on birth certf. Although she has not come after my husband for child support and I would assume if it was his she would.

In July he came to me and said I want to work on things and see where is goes - we have two children who are 4 and 6. I asked about her and he said that she did not want anything to do with him and that it was over and she was not even talking to him. I said I could do this as long as I knew he was focused on me and putting our family back together. The month went Ok and he was some what attentive and nice.

In August it was more of the same. But I went on a vacation with the children and when I returned things were a little werid and I asked him are you still focused on me and fixing this or are you out seeking other people, etc. He said no - well I discovered he is on an online dating service and I guess seeking out women, while he is telling me he is focused on me.

Then last night he tells me I am only in it for the money that I am doing nothing to support myself, but taking advantage of him. He is paying child support and alimony since I have been a stay at home mom for many years. He is telling me he should become a dead beat dad and I have it easy that there is a woman out there who is single mom with two children getting no support at all. Well, this is the other woman and now I know he must be talking to her again and she is complaining that your wife has it easy she is taking advantage of you and she is a money grubbing b. I cannot believe that a woman can make a man dislike his wife so much and my husband I think believes anything she says and just looks at me with disgust.

Is there any reason to think this marriage can be saved? Is there anything I can do or am I just bumping my head against the wall and this is a worthless cause? For my children I would love to stay together, but will my husband ever wake up or is he too far gone? I honestly think this other woman does not want him, but maybe enjoys all the attention.

Any input would be great I feel like I am losing my mind and have had my heart torn to pieces and I really do not know how much more I can take or should.

Thanks.

Welcome to the board. I am sorry for your pain, your situation is a very difficult and hurtful one. (((hugs)))

No, you are not crazy. You may feel it, but that is because the person you are supposed to trust who is supposed to love you is telling you one thing and acting in a way that contradicts his words. You are not crazy, you are not losing it, so don't let yourself be convinced of it. Believe what you see, not what you hear. The wandering spouse will say anything to save his skin. We've all been there.

Read through everything on this site very carefully. Your H seems to be fully immersed in his affair/OW. Read Plan A/Plan B.

I wish I could answer your questions, I hope some of the oldtimers will come to give good advice. I can only offer you my sympathy and tell you that you will find support here.

Your marriage may survive this, but not until you both start working very hard toward what must be a common goal. So the first step is to make your marriage the common goal.

Plan A.

Read it, work it. Keep your chin up and stay strong.

AVNL

((hugs)))
I agree - Plan A. Keep the respect you have for yourself, don't let him take it away.