Two questions I have regarding WW, she is either in the contact or withdrawal stage of a month long affair. I suspect it is still the contact stage.

I have heard of using exposure to end the affair, but I only seen examples where the OM / OW was married also and the exposure was primarily to the other BS. My situation is that the OM is single and has no attachments as far as I know. Is exposure (to her parents for example) ever used in this senario?

2nd question: If we do get to MC, (I am waiting for the fog to clear), is it important that my W pays for half of the counselling fees? Money is not an issue, I would have no problem paying for it by myself. I feel she would have a lot more 'buy-in' to the process and be more serious about if she had to pay for it.

gw, she may not be interested in counseling at all, though, and frankly, counseling is usually a waste of time if one of the partners is in an affair. It really doesn't matter who pays for it. Better to flush the money down the toilet and save the gas. On the other hand, if she is still in an affair, you might want take that money and get some input from Dr. Harley on ways to END the affair. He would assess your situation and give you a plan.

Exposure should be done to the OP's spouse, the WS's parents, your parents, close friends, pastor, and possibly her boss if the affair is work related. If the OP is single, it would probably be a good idea to expose to his parents.

Great White:

My husbands FOW was also single......that didn't stop me...LOL!!!

Do they work together?? If so EXPOSE the crap out of them at work.

DEFINITELY expose to your WW's parents, siblings, grandparents....anyone who will have any influence over her.

How old is he??? Expose to his parents......etc.

Expose to your mutual friends.

My husband's FOW didn't even work with him, but he works in a little row of shops, that are very close knit, so I called every one of the surrounding businesses, I called his Mom, I called all of our friends, I wrote a letter to the FOW's corporate office, so they would know the kind of person they had managing their store.

The idea here is to make the affairees uncomfortable, to break their little fantasy bubble.

Is she claiming that they are no longer in contact?????

Has she sent the "NO CONTACT LETTER"?????

Expose, Expose, Expose.......it's one of your best weapon's against the affair.

And don't be embarrassed about it.....YOU'VE done nothing wrong!!!!

Good Luck,

-Caren

P.S. Mel is completely right.....don't bother with marriage counseling right now, it won't do any good, and your WW will most likely lie to the counselor anyway.

Thanks for the replys Melody and Caren,

To answer some of the questions,

They do not work together. He is 27, I only know his first name and his two phone numbers.

She claims to be no longer in contact, however I know this is not true but I don't know to what extent.

She hasn't sent a NC letter, the day after Dday, he phoned and she told him in no uncertain terms that it was over. I know this as a fact.

I know he has phone twice since (about week later). I confronted her about this, she says that she repeated to him not to call and that she didn't tell me in fear of hurting my feelings. It has been about 3 weeks since Dday.

My concerns of exposure are that she will completely lose it and try to divorce me etc. She is an extremely private person, and she has insecurities when it comes to how people think of her. She is already told me she is very worried about appearing as the 'bad guy' to our family and friends if we do divorce.

She is interested in going to MC but I fear that it will be of little value to us if she is still in the fog.

I would appreciate any further comments from Melanie and Caren and any more comments from other readers.

Cheers, and thank you in advance!!