For those who don't know my story: I'm still living in the same house as STBXRWH until my new home is finished (a lot of renovating had to be done to it).

He claims he still loves me, still wants to get back together with me, will "drop" all his present GF's for me etc. etc. Yet he didn't come home last night (which is unusual for him) after his day at his soaring club and didn't bother to notify me.

So now I can only come to a few conclusions:
- he has had an accident and CAN'T notify me
- he was too drunk to drive and slept if off somewhere ??
- he slept over at one of his GF's and didn't bother to notify me..

My parents and his father are all coming here for lunch as it's my FIL's birthday today so it's even weirder.

He'll probably arrive here with some stupid story. Very, very considerate and loving of him. Meanwhile I get spooked by a policecar that drives by.

Brownhair,

Sorry to hear the fog has rolled in. Have the meal with your parents and FIL. Let them be there to support you. His dad will probably be hurt but you can't shield him from that pain. The WS must show his true self in order to be exposed.

Hang in there......the end of this charade c/b near, then you can move forward with less pain.

Please keep posting, after your visit.

Hugz,
L.

Thanks Orchid.
But knowing my H, he'll be here in time to keep up appearances. Unless he's had an accident, that is.

Ok, well if he does....what reverse babble do you have planned? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> This stuff takes planning, just in case.

Example:

FIL: Hi BH, where's my son?

BH: Well FIL, not sure he didn't come home last night. Seems like he is up to something. (dejected look).

FIL: What? Well I will have to see about this? (FIL gives you a hug).

Your mom: BH, where's my SIL?

BH: Not sure mom, he didn't come home last night.

Your mom: He didn't? Hm..... well let's see what he has to say for himself.

Your dad: Hi BH, what's for lunch? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WS: Hi everyone, welcome to our home. I know BH has a delicious menu prepared.

FIL: Oh cut the crap WS.....where were you last night?

WS: uhhh....what? I was here of course, yea here at home helping BH get everything prepared..... right BH?

BH: You were? What did you do? Clean the floor, vacuum, cook....? What was it you thought you did and which house did you do it in? (sweet as a pie delivery). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WS: Uuuuhhhhh..... I was....no, but I was uuuuhhh.... Oh, I gotta go to the bathroom, I think I am gonna be sick.

FIL: Well it's about time he got sick. Now what's for lunch?

Your mom: Hm... if he were my son.....

Your dad: Now mom, he isn't your son so just keep it to yourself. This drama's working up my thirst. Where's my beer!??!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FIL: Well he is my son and right now I sure don't feel too proud of him. I would welcome ANY help with this kid. (shakes head in embaressment).

BH: (hugz FIL).... you know FIL, we will help you....but I need your help also. Fair?

FIL: Fair. Let me know when you want me to beat him up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BH: Ok. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Well the food will get cold if we don't hurry up and start eating. So everyone, 'chow down'!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Your mom: Well SIL isn't here.

FIL: Who cares, I'm hungry. He's a big boy, he can catch up later.

Your dad: Yea...I'm hungry and thirsty. Where's tha beer?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

JMHO,
L.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> thanks Orchid you made me laugh !!

Don't enable the WS by helping him cover for his absence. Let the scenario Orchid painted come to a reality.

Let him face the music. Geez. Multiple GF's? Whatta dude....he must have taken notes from darth!

Wishing you the best. Stay firm, have your boundaries clear, and face today with a smile looking your best! Truth is the key always.

Hey Brownhair!

I know he's wayward, but I hope your WH is ok. If so - give him he!!. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Take care,

Alph.

Hi Alphin and JustPeachy, and Orchid if you're awake all ready <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hoped H was OK as well. I don't wish him or OW any harm.
And he was ok... He came back at 9:30 after spending the night with GF #2. Didn't bother to notify me "because he didn't want to wake me up", hahaha. He kept apologizing after I told him this was very upsetting to me, because I didn't know if he had had an accident. He said some foggy stuff "but when I live here alone, you won't know if I don't come home either" and "you decided you wanted to move out" ??! I replied "You do not live alone right now. It's simply courtesy to notify people who might be worried about you. You tell me you still love me, and still want me back, and then you do these kind of things??!" He didn't have any smart reply to that.

My parents know all about what he did, his father doesn't. As I'm not planning on a life with him anymore I don't see the point in exposing to my FIL - the man loves me very much, I helped him a lot through his illnesses etc, and I think the relationship with his son (my H) would take a permanent dent if FIL knew just exactly WHY I'm leaving. My H is the only one of his three sons who looks after him - so I'm not going to ruin that for FIL, who has to live with my STBX after I'm gone.

BTW JustPeachy.. if you mean Darth Vader.. whatever that dude has done on the "dark side": at least he was very faithful to his W ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BH,

I'm up!!! It's almost 10am here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

As for exposing....your FIL has a right to know, especially if the WS c/b living with him. Letting be shocked is not family friendly. You should both be a part of each other's support group, especially if he is ill. Do it in a safe and loving atmosphere. My FIL is ill also but he needed to know and we were of great support to each other.

In my case, the OW accused me of having an A with my FIL. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> FIL laughed when I told him that one, then said if he was 20 years younger and I was free, he certainly would not pass up such a beautiful woman.... I love him but like an FIL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> My response to the WS was that at least FIL has better taste than the WS did. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> That shot a hole into the fog. Cannon ball size because stupid WS went back and told the OW what I had said. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hi Orchid,
I cannot be FIL's support group if I don't see him anymore. And I won't see him anymore after I move out. Also I sometimes wonder if his love for me is just a bit... hm... not like a FIL should love his DIL. STBX isn't living with his father, by the way.
So I'm not sure how exposing his son's actions would be good for FIL, however much I prefer to be honest.
He's not ill anymore, he had to have his leg amputated 4 years ago.

Well it is ultimately your decision. FIL would probably still need to know. That's IMHO. Especially if you are not going to see him anymore.

My in-laws all pledged their support for me and even told me that if their son/brother (WS) left me, they would still consider me family over him. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I am of a different nationality and never by looks fit into their family. But my son is the 1st grandson with their family name....LOL!!! Oh well. Their words and support meant a lot to me. Even his mom came out of hiding to throw her support my way. Hm.... the WS was alienated even more. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> OW was too embaressed to introduce him to her family and he didn't want to meet anyone. What a life, eh? So much for the A being better than family. Ya know?!?!?!? I played that thought back into his head. Much later, he admitted he missed his family. Even his parents and siblings.

L.

FIL is a rather weird person. The whole family is weird. For example, they don't care about birthdays. My H didn't get him anything for his birthday today. He even forgot to wish him a happy b-day. FIL hardly remembers when any of his sons have their b-day, too. They never hug, kiss, touch. They talk about nothing personal. I could be wrong but confronting FIL with his son's actions would probably make him even more withdrawn, and depressed. So what would that accomplish?

But I'm glad your in-laws supported you! It's good to have them "kicking" some sense into a WS, too.

I'm so tired of all this. H acting as if we're great friends, sulking when he finally understands he won't be seeing a lot of me after I move out. He's friendly and all and thinks that makes everything ok.

I'm sorry guys, I see so many posts here of people asking for help, but I just can't reach out just now. That's not like me - I hope I'll feel better after I finally get out of here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My in-laws were great conflict avoiders.....till I came. LOL!!! H was also. But as you can see, I tend not t/b. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

For many years the in-laws avoided helping each other. I encouraged them to change their ways. Arranged family meetings which are still held to ths day(even w/o me). I am proud of their progress but they still have a ways to go.
H's family has 10 surivivng children + a 1/2 sister and 2 divorced parents. Talk about drama and chaos.

Wanted to let you know that despite the odds, I believe exposure done properly is a good thing. As confused as they all were, it helped to exposre.

JMHO,
L.