Caren, I've seen women fight.

I would call it more like Fake wrestling and hair pulling.

When I fight, I fight.

TA thats pretty disrespectful. Squid would do a lot more than fake wrestling and hair pulling, I promise you that !

Caren, I'm sure its not just a male thing. I have come to believe that physically damaging OP is a way of asserting our physical dominance over the person who our WS chose OVER us physically, albeit briefly.

I would love to smash OM, but I can enjoy his fear of me without getting arrested. And he is less important to me by the month to be honest. He is slime who had to steal what I earned. I am a better man in every single respect than that reptile. He's God's now, as long as he doesn't ever threaten me or mine again.

My husband did this.

1. It shocked and scared the OM. I guess. Cuz after that, he didn't speak to me again, because my husband made him promise he wouldn't before he let him up off floor.

2. No police were called.

3. No charges were filed. My husband decked the OM, who then said he would bring assault charges if he touched him again. Since my husband had already made his point, I guess that was that.

4. He didn't hospitalize him... woulda been awkward, considering...

5. He was able to walk away.

6. He felt like it was the right thing to do. Man to man.

7. I'm not exactly sure.

8. Yes.

9. Before it happened I would have begged him not to do this. I'd have physically blocked his way. Cried. After I found out about it though, I was completely impressed. My husband... did THAT? Whoa. I know, I know, it's sick and wrong and completely unevolved. But there ya go.

OM's mother called up my husband... whining at him to please not touch her son, or else she'd call up her "mob ties", blah blah blah. After that conversation I knew my OM had smaller cajones than my husband. His mommy had to call and defend her widdle boy...? Criminy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I hesitate in posting this because I don't want it to lead to someone getting hurt. I don't want that to happen to any of you out there. This is only what happened to us, only this case. N = 1.

There is some good news on revenge.

You don't have to do anything to get it. People create their own hells and own punishments. If you want to see the OP suffering, you don't have to do a thing or lift a finger -- it'll happen. Whether you take the poison of resentment or not, it'll happen. So you may as well do what you can to oust the poison of resentment from your life, so you don't suffer with them. But don't worry that somehow, unthinkably, they won't suffer unless you see to it -- it'll happen without you.

I slapped the OW'S face when she lied to my face. I wasn't sorry for doing it...she didn't call the police...I didn't go to jail, a part of me thought she knew she deserved it and more. (she probably just thought I was crazy) I often would fantasize doing worse to both of them and even imagined myself going to prison...but I decided they weren't worth the loss of my own life and the loss and pain to my kids etc.

I came do understand crimes of passion 'caused' by the insanity and pain of infidelity. In reality, it is really best to avoid any potential violence and take the higher road of living well and with your integrity intact.

In the early days of my sitch, I certainly entertained thoughts of the OM's demise. Those plans included the use of my Russian carbine and a well place shot to the guts, ensuring maximum pain and suffering. In the end though, that would not have delivered the results that I, and God, wanted for my life. My faith, praise God, kept me from following through on such thoughts. OM was extremely lucky that I am a man of faith. The clueless [email]b@#$%^d[/email] doesnt even know he exists right now, simply because Christ lives. What a dichotomy huh?

TA, TA, TA..................I have never pulled anyone's hair during a fight. I fight like a man, I have a NASTY right hook. I don't fight like a girl, I grew up having to defend my little sister (Who in retrospect deserved what she was getting, but she knew I was going to have her back so she ran her mouth, stole things....lied...etc...I didn't know at the time).

I beat up the toughest girl in our school, and I weighed then, as I do now, 110 lbs. I was 5'7 she was 5'11"....I kicked the crap out of her, so much so that she went home crying, and this girl TERRORIZED our neighborhood, her father was a Sheriff, and came to our house all p.o.ed....not because I fought her daughter, mainly because she lost, and something about her telling him I kicked her in the ear......I never kicked her at all...but okay. (Her Dad was probably like "WHAT?!?! You let that skinny little girl kick your @$$....LMAO") I think my Dad was secretly proud, he had all girls LMAO!!!!!!!

Dynamite comes in small packages baby <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-Caren

x

When did she admit this to you? I read your quote on another thread.

TooSoon

AD -- What made you stay with your W?

I think about beating the [email]h@ll[/email] out of the om everyday. When I caught him with my wife he wanted to fight he's a bigger guy then me but my friends stoped me I have bat ready for him. He thinks he won because shes still having haveing the affair. Iam in plan b. I just want to beat this guys [censored].

TA - I do not know if you pray. But I do. And people see the results. My WW sees the results. She appreciates my prayers. I know that God answers my prayers.

Dude - check this out: "...do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." (Romans 12:19)

Did you catch that? " I WILL repay" I love that!!!

I could kick the other man in the groin, and he would roll around for a while. I could kick him in the chin, and he might need a few months to recover. But in either case, I am getting [censored] on me.

God kills the enemies first born. He destroys cities. I can do nothing that could come close to that. Think about that. And all I have to do is be civil. "For if your enemy hungers, feed him; If he thirsts, give him a drink; For in so doing, you will heap coals upon his head." Dude might get a disease with his next tatoo!

So I prayed that God would take care of it. I expect to hear about bad news for OM1 and OM2. I might not. But I know God listens to me, and answers the prayers, whether I see it or not. Poor ww, might get some [censored] on her, too. Her choice.

I gave it to God. He gave me peace with that. Serious peace.

If OM starts something, though, it also says "as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men." It does not say do not defend yourself.

I hope not to offend you with scripture. But it is powerful, and He showed it to me this morning, and told me to keep track of it, because I would need it soon. (seriously - I was told to keep track of it!)

Am I just the messenger?

good luck. Pray hard.

far

God kills the enemies first born.

This is chilling FAR. I Prayed a curse on OM as Elisha cursed the mocking youths and OMs first born died in a car crash next day.....

I know I could not move God's finger without it being HIS will, but this situation STILL chills me.

b0b - I am sorry if I stirred up bad memories.

I, too, prayed for something along those lines. Not for the family - just the OM.

I am a follower of Christ who believes in karma. It is actually a fairly mathematical idea. Cause and effect do exist.

We gotta be careful what we pray for. God does answer.

Peace to you, friend.

far

TA,

Can I suggest something that may alleviate some of the need to beat him to a pulp?

I wanted too and still want to do it and honestly, the only reason I didn't was because fair is fair.

If he gets a pummeling, the WWXW deserves one too, in fact she deserves one even more than he does in my eyes.

You can't pursue that which doesn't want to be pursued...get it?

So I went one better, something far more satisfying and effective...(caution, this is NOT MB certified)

To start, I had his professional license revoked, seems he had been doing work without contracts and under the table...a big no-no..how did I know? Well, I had a friend of mine call him and hire him under the table and had it all on tape. His union contract forbids such work, and without a sponsor he cannot legally hold his license...awwww...so he went from making $50 an hour to about $9. He has to wait 5 years to re-apply and by then he will have to go back to school to re-certify.

It's hard to beat someone up that runs away from you, how to get them to run away without exposing yourself to a recording of your threat? Unless you get lucky and catch them in public and can pass along your message, it is just easier to send a couple of your rather large friends to the home to pass along the message...something like "X wants us to tell you he isn't going to kill you, he says you will wish you had killed yourself when he is done with you, have a nice day"

I highly recommend the large friend thing, seeing a grown man run like a 3rd grade girl is very entertaining and quite satisfying (I'm quite large, he is quite small).

Anyway before anyone gets bent about revenge, this isn't revenge. It is simply consequences.

Yes I'll let God handle some of it, some of the Karma but as a man I need satisfaction that the payback will come while I am alive.

So TA, I'd hire the PI, get your proof, find out who this scumbag is and destroy his life without laying a finger on him. That of course is after you give him a chance to go very far away and apologize while he is packing his belongings. I gave the married OM every opportunity to pack up his family and leave, he chose to leave his family instead so...he was warned what would happen.

My WWXW got all the payback she needed from me, lost her kids, kids despise her, no family will speak to her, and I get %65 of her pay every month plus medical and school expenses.

Just remember, whatever you do to him, whatever you decide....if your WW doesn't come around and repair the marriage she deserves the same treatment. However, you may need do nothing to her because if this continues she will have lost everything anyway, family, kids, home, everything. That may be payback enough.

BTW TA, YOU don't leave in January, she does. Keep your nose clean, try to get this thing on the right track but you don't leave. After you hire the PI you may have her out of the house before then though, I suspect you will find she is still in a full blown affair. Sorry...sounds like it..and you know the routine, you've learned here there may be many more contacts before it is over and done. When you confront her with the evidence she may leave on her own.

I do know one thing, you have to try and keep your hands off OM....jail will serve no purpose, you have to think of the future, and maybe the future without WW meaning you need to look very good, reasonable and stable if you are to get custody of your kids if it comes to that.

And Dads do get custody TA...I have custody of my 2 bio-kids from my marriage and her 2 from her previous marriage...I couldn't have accomplished that had I gone half-cocked and kicked his deserving A** now would I? Or allowed myself to do the first thing that came to mind which was kill the M-F'er.

If you have no history of physical abuse, no drug convictions, no alcohol related arrests, and you have proof (receipts) of your counseling to try and get your WW to stay in the marriage you are friggin' gold in the courts eye's brutha. Keep it that way, be careful, very careful. If your WW won't stop, this is about your kids now, the kids need at least ONE sane parent in control of themselves.

RM

I was about to destroy OM JUST LIKE you say.

Then his GF calle dme and begged me not to. " My son and I need a scrap of SOMETHING we can respect of this is ever going to work".

I had compassion for them. And helping their split was not a good plan for my own recovery.

Finally OM lives in fear of my destroying him which also makes me feel really good.

I don't know if it's because I'm female, or if it's because I tend to be fairly logical but....

I kind of turned this fantasy on it's ear. See, my fantasy was not to beat her up, but to goad her into hitting me. My thinking was this - yeah, if I get really ticked, I can fight, and I may have been able to put some hurt on her, though she's a pretty big girl, so it's hard to say. But the best scenario would have been that I would have given her a few injuries that would sure have healed a whole lot faster than the injuries I'd already suffered. And at worst, I could have ended up in jail and, as a result, possibly even lost my job.

On the other hand - she's one of those "think's she's so tough" kind of broads. The one face-to-face encounter we had, I kept my cool with her, when she got in my face I just put the portfolio I was carrying up between her face and mine, and I kept telling her none of it was any of her business, and I was not dealing with her. Refused to even look at her. And boy, was she pissed at me. She came really close to hitting me.

Which was kind of what I wanted. Especially since we were at the MVA with cops all over the place. If she had as much as laid a finger on me, I would have had her butt in jail in a heartbeat, would have pressed charges, and nothing would have talked me out of it. I would also have sued her in civil court, even though I know I would never have actually gotten any money out of it even if I won.

I really did want her to hit me. In my mind, the trouble and hurt I could put on her using my brains would have been far better than any physical damage I could have done. Especially since I knew that in a battle of the minds, she was coming to the table unarmed.

In the end, I'm glad it didn't happen. It would have meant a lot of time off work, which I couldn't really afford to do, and I probably would have ended up spending some money going after her. And I know that God will take care of the consequences. Having to put up with each other may be sufficient punishment for them.

FYI - A friend told me that he did this.

Hire a Private Investigator to get the OM's picture, name, address and places he likes to go. Bail Bondsmen do PI work for a reasonable price. Hire some thugs to rough up the guy (just go to a bar in a rough part of town)...give a picture to the new friends with some $ and tell them where he hangs out, they may ask what he did...tell them then ask them what they'd do if someone did that to them. Tell them to pick a fight with the guy...and make him hurt, they can even tell him what it is for...as long as they don't use you or your wife's name. Give them a bonus when they come back after you've seen the damage. Don't exchange names...just get a prepaid phone and dispose of it after you have got your due satisfaction. It will cost you a few hundred dollars to get it all done...but seeing the OM with his teeth kicked in and being told why he just got beat to a pulp is worth every penny...or I imagine it is worth every penny.

Good luck
MikenKC

Alright...while we're talking about this kind of stuff....


Don't worry about fighting someone, or trying to get someone to do it for you. It's too easy to get caught in that.

There are lots of fun things to do that are much easier to get away with.

1. Get his address and phone number. Tons of ways to do that...not going to get into it here.

2. Place a few phone calls to the local realty companies...find out what utility companies supply his power, gas, phone, cable, etc... Most places are going to all be supplied by ONE of these...so just knowing the part of town he lives in will get you this information.

3. Place a phone call to each of these companies, and schedule his utilities to be shut off on the day before Thanksgiving...in the afternoon. Tell them that you're him, and that you're moving out of state. It will take them until Monday to get all of the services turned back on, and if he can't PROVE it wasn't him that called, he'll be stuck with the re-connect fees. Nice and cold most places over this weekend too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

4. If you have his email address, start going to all kinds of fun sites and sign him up for Spam...you know, like spam from "Big Bruno's Bad Boy Site". A couple of hundred emails like that per day should start to have some effect!

5. If you've got a hacker friend, have them hack his computer. Then have them post his IP and computer info on a hacker site and tell them what's going on...let them know that this guys deserves what he gets. And watch his computer get used for who knows what. And if it works, he's legally liable for any damage done from his computer/IP access... hehehe

6. If you've got his home phone/cell phone number, go on the internet and post it on as many of the call back lists that you can find.

7. Call your local towing company and complain that his car is in front of your house and you'll pay to have it removed. Give them his name and address...odds are they'll load up the car without talking to anyone...and guess who gets stuck paying the tow bill so he can get his car back?

8. Hire a couple of teens to spread salt in his front yard in a way that it spells out obscenities...and watch the fun the next time he waters the lawn.

You know, it's a good thing I'm a nice guy with morals...and that I prayed about it and asked God to deal with OM instead of deciding to do something about it. These are little things...I would have done much worse had I not decided it wasn't worth my effort. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I love the part that god doesn't settle all his accounts in 30 days. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I gave it thought. The OM is a frail little intellectual fellow whose hands were trembling when I spoke to him about his A with my wife. I ended just feeling sorry for him in an odd way. I was almost happy that he was the one in an A with my wife, because I laughed at the idea of her eventually realizing how much of an idiot this guy was.



I'm found it impossible to get the OM's address thus far. Even an advanced search database engine that I utilized could only come up with his PO box. No phone book address, he rents the house. DMV records non existant, etc.

Sorry to hijack the topic, just wondering if there is any other method that someone can recommend.