I'm a liberal, so I guess you can just skip over this message...

Young men on testerone--not a pretty sight. When somone messes with our mate, all the logic gets tossed, and men react like screaming 2 year olds fighting over a toy plane.

The problem, as I'm sure you have figured out, is with WS, not with OP. You should spend your time, energy and thinking on figuring out how to get your M back on track rather than on beating up OP.

You are diverting attention from the main problem--your W's failure to tell you about the A. Instead of addressing that problem you are walking around pounding your chest like King Kong. If you are saying stuff like, "I'm going to kill OP," you seem to be giving her plenty of good reasons for withholding the truth. She would be crazy to tell you if she loved you or if she loved him.

Your actions are giving her an excuse *NOT* to tell you about the A, which you need to know if you are going to move on and fix the M.

By the way, not all scenarious end happily:

(1) OM is thoroughly pounded, doesn't call the cops, and you feel satisfied knowing that you have proven that you are the "king of the hill"--until your W finds OM2, in which case I guess you simply go beat up OM2, in preparation for your bout with OM3.
(2) OM is pounded, and calls the cops. You spend the next 6 months hassling with trips to court. The focus of your M become your court appearances rather than the problems in your M.
(3) He isn't pounded. He turns out to be bigger and stronger than you, and you end up in a draw or you end up getting pounded.
(4) He pulls out his handgun and shoots you. You end up dead or hospitalized. He gets off because you threatened serious bodily injury.

I had an old rancher tell me one time...."Son, if you have a bit#h dog and you dont want her getting pregnant, you have to keep the ba$[censored]$ away from her. Now that means you are going to spend all of your time killing those ba$[censored]$. But if you get rid the bit#h, those ba$[censored]$ wont come around anymore." Now before anyone gets upset...this was an old Texas rancher that had not even heard of N.O.W. or any movement or organization like that. He was a simple man, with simple country logic. While it certainly doesnt mean anyone should harm another human. It certainly does illustrate why the problem is with the WS and not the OP.

b0b,
your first post on here really made sense to me. As mad as I am at HER, if her husband knew, he might be that mad at my FWH. My FWH is working on improving our marriage. I'd really hate it if the OWH decided to come beat him up. I'd much rather do it myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. I won't do it, but I don't want anyone else doing it either.

I'm not so sure I'd beat her up. I'd probably do a lot more damage with words. I've had wonderful conversations driving in my car telling get exactly how I feel about her, despite the fact she was not the only one to blame.

FWH will not tell me where she lives or her last name. I think he is afraid I might just have a meeting. I don't think I would, though.

JM,

Let's keep in mind that many of the respondants here are speaking about a fantasy... not reality. It's the actions that define the man... not the fantasy.

I agree with you on those that do act out their fantasy against the OP and the extensive damage it will cause to both families is wrong.

And how is any of this type of behavior, even speaking it, better than what our spouses did? It's not. You are damaging your relationship with Christ. This isn't righteous anger (at least, not by my reconning) ...

I think this thread is out of control and should be closed.

Proverbs 6:33-35 (New International Version)

32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;
whoever does so destroys himself.

33 Blows and disgrace are his lot,
and his shame will never be wiped away;

34 for jealousy arouses a husband's fury,
and [color:"red"]he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.[/color]

35 He will not accept any compensation;
he will refuse the bribe, however great it is.



I disagree. I think that OMs play with fire and therefore should be burned. Stoning is too good for an OM. They deserve whatever they get.

Don't mess with married women!

Yes, I've thought about it, even have hoped for it. My FWW just told me about a ONS she had w/ OM 7 yrs ago, before I'd known and discovered the recent EA/PA. Believe it or not, I may end up working in the same bldg as OM next summer if my mil service transfers me there. I pray for self-control. He'll certainly get a cold, thousand mile stare to encourage him to seek employment elsewhere. Indifference is better than hate. I also take comfort that God will sort them out.

SunDog - Try Zaba search, pretty good.
Owl - nice suggestions but it would be putting too much effort into the OM.

No way

Well bob...I know your story and what you could have done. Showing compassion to his GF was the decent, human thing to do.

I, OTOH, had none of that to concern myself with. The married OM's wife had a good job, and he wasn't paying her anything anyway...nothing.

I gave the OM a full 2 month warning to go home before it got out of control...for him....he thought it was a big joke. I simply spoke to him one time and said "There is going to be consequences, go home and fix your marriage or face them" he laughed and said "you can't do anything" and I told him "You've been warned" and hung up.

Things aren't so fun in AffairLand now...with him going from $2000 a week to $380 and the WWXW only taking home %35 of her former pay....
____________________________________________

Rook Kev,

What I did is no comparison to what my WWXW did, none. I didn't do anything wrong, he stepped into a trap of his own making. I simply provided the opportunity for him to screw himself.

All he had to do was say "I'm sorry I don't do side work" and he would still be raking it in.

As for my friends? They only told him I WAS NOT going to kill him....he would wish he was dead...and I bet he does right about now. After that and the phone call is when I set him up on his job.

Fair warning....nothing illegal...nobody physically harmed

which seach eng u use to find the om. I need to find the other man address. Because the om man thinks this is a joke. He told me he would kick my [censored] if I come see my kids. The om needs pay back. Anyone pm me with this info.

Ww is the blame too. She suffer as much as the om.

Move

Listen to me now - this is important :

If you have not exposed to OWH you must do so as soon as possible.

There is NOTHING compelling OW to stay out of an affair with your WH unless there is someone hey cre about who dissapproves.

Your WW should tell you who the WH is and if not you should move mountains to find out.

Exposure is the single most important act I performed to assure teh end of teh affair and NC.

You MUST expose Move. I would go as far as to say that I doubt you are truly in recovery until you have.

All blessings.

Bump

If you know the OM's phone number you can give it to a Private investigator and he/she will find this guys address for you. If you don't know the OM's number, but know where your wife works and when she gets off work...the PI can find out where he lives by following her for a few days. It is fairly inexpensive if you are really bent out of shape...But if she did it to you...she will definitely do it to him...so pay back will be equitable. My first wife left me for a friend...then he called me when she left him for another guy...I asked if she ran up his credit cards (he replied "YEAH!") I laughed and hung up on him. Justice comes with time...it may not be as timely as you'd like...but it is served and is usually served scalding hot. Good Luck. Mike