I'm new to this so I'm not sure if I was supposed to add this to my previous post or start a new one...so I did both. You can read my story in "Is it too late for Plan A/B?" I've decided to move forward to Plan B and would like some feedback on the letter I've drafted...

Dear WS,

This is going to be the most difficult letter I will ever write.

I have been slow to accept what has happened. You left. You filed for divorce. You are with another man. You told me clearly from the beginning that it is over and you have no intention or desire to come back. I’m not sure what part I didn’t get. But I finally accept that it is over. Unfortunately my love and longing for you is not. To see you, hear your voice on the phone or even to hear your name mentioned makes my heart race and stirs up all the pain and emotion of the past 3 months. Some days it drags me into depression. Other days I just leave the office to cry. Other days I manage ok. But it occupies my heart and mind 24/7.

I’ve thought carefully about this. When I married you, I married for life. I found my split-apart and we became one. I never imagined (and still cannot imagine) being with out you. My heart was not built to share you or to have only a left over part of you. I cannot handle the pain of staying in a relationship with you under the current conditions. I cannot move on with my life and heal and be the father and person I need to be and at the same time endure the pain our current relationship is causing.

I do not hate you. I love you and want the best for you. If we never get back together, ending our relationship and all contact with each other will help us both move on and is in both our best interests. If God’s will changes current hearts and circumstances and ours turns into a great love story, the break at this time will also have served us well.

When communication is necessary regarding the girls, I will use email. At Sara’s wedding next month avoiding contact is unrealistic and I know neither of us would jeopardize her day…I will be cordial. Aside from that and unless God’s intervenes this is goodbye. Thank you for 23 incredible years of love, romance and spiritual growth. I will remember them and speak of them as they were…a gift from God.

BS

WTB, is this a plan B letter designed only to protect yourself from the pain? Or do you want the letter to better the odds your wife will come back to you?

If the latter is what you want, delete the "moving on" part from line one in paragraph 3, and all references to this being a permenant separation.

Thanks...I absolutely want it to better the odds of her return. It's just that she has shut me down so hard every time I've mention I still have hope that I thought it might be counterproductive in the letter. I will reconsider.

Just leave it at your married her for life, you want both of you to be happily married to each other, the pain is causing your love for her to erode/ebb/wane, to protect that love you must cease all contact with her while she's with OM.

It's important to put in writing that you are doing this to protect your love for her. Most women save letters. She'll reread that when the A hits the skids.

In the meantime, don't make any other mention of her returning. After all, you really can't since YOU WON'T BE COMMUNICATING WITH HER! It makes it really easy.

I'd also consider an intermediary, a go-between in case her emails to you are hurtful or vice versa.