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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120 |
Hi,
My ww moved out with the idea that she could continue her affair while I waited for her to make a decision about what she wants.NOT. I need some advice on how to write the PlanB letter. I want to make it clear that I am not participating in her cake eater lifestyle.
Thanks
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553 |
Go online here and steal from other letters. That's what I had to do. By the time I wrote PBL, I was so burned out that I could think of no original expressions of my enduring love. I had to plagiarize and adapt.
Or follow what someone suggested as the world's shortest PBL:
Dear WS,
When you dump the loser, give me a call.
Love,
Betrayed Spouse
"Virtue -- even attempted virtue -- brings light; indulgence brings fog." -- C.S. Lewis
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Don't use the short version. The plan B letter is used after the BS has secured their finances and family, identified the BS boundaries, comfortable with the plan A changes for the BS and family, have your mind and heart in sync to move forward (despite where the WS is), implement your personal boundaries.
You have t/b on solid groung b4 you send the plan B letter. Why? Because the WS want to break your spirit and will generally do the opposite of your plan B intent. So don't assume they will do anything good, when you send your letter and that will spoil their WS' fun. Yep sicko WS' like to poke fun at the plan B letter.
Be prepared.
Check out Mel's sig thread and a few others. Mortarman and 2muchcoffeeman (I think) have plan B links. Or you can do a search on plan B.
Read more about it in Surviving an Affair.
L.
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,553 |
Don't use the short version. I was kidding, Orchid!
"Virtue -- even attempted virtue -- brings light; indulgence brings fog." -- C.S. Lewis
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Don't use the short version. I was kidding, Orchid! Oh, well you never know who might actually use it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Hugz, L.
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
Have you read, "Surviving An Affair" by Dr Willard Harley?
I HIGHLY recommend you do BEFORE you do anything towards Plan B.
Use the example in the book as a template & tailor it for you.
Here is a how a Plan B letter should be structured.
1 – I love you
2 - Our marriage was good because…
3 – I apologize for things in the past such as…
4 – Your affair hurts. No contact. Arrangements made through friend…
5 – We can have a great marriage and this is what I would like…
6 – I love you
Try not to mix the messages in each paragraph.
Prayers & God Bless!
Chris
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
kdh, Plan B should not be entered when you are furious as a way to punish the WS. Can you please hold off for a few days until things calm down?
Chris is exactly right, get your hands on Surviving an Affair and dive into it.
Your situation is not as bad as you think. Moving out will give her a much needed dose of reality that cause great conflict in the affair.
Where did she move to?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 120 |
She is moving Right around the corner to a friends house. the friend does not want her there indefinetly and does not support her affair. Should I just let her move out with no plan at all??
I want to set some ground rules for seperation is that a bad idea?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
kdh, what kind of rules did you have in mind? I would not finance her move in any way and stop paying any of her bills. Be sure and protect your finances from her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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