I will try and make this short. I have posted numerous times here. I have been seperated from my H for 3 months now. It has been a roller coaster ride all the way. About a month ago I busted him being with another Woman, by phone bill online. We worked through that, then about 3 weeks ago I found another woman he had been calling a 22 yr old, my H is 35 he just they were friends. I know I must be stupid but I told him if he wanted this marriage he would end all contact with any woman, he promised me he would. Looked me in the eyes and said I promise. I asked him during all this if he had se* with anyone else, he said no. Well after that we decided to forgive and start completely over. This weekend we went out of town, I found that his cell was on silent mode, but anyways, sat.nite I checked his phone, text messageing, and seen two women he had been text mess. My heart broke again..will it never end.? I confronted him today, and the whole truth came out. He did have sex with the first woman he had affair with, he no longer talks to her thanks to me when I called her when I first found out. But now there is 3 new ones. And this even worse, he told me friday he fell asleep around 9:30p.m in his chair that is why he didn't call me, but the truth was he stayed the night with one of the women, he is just friends with, no sex though. I was totally shocked, how could he be so cold. I asked him why? He said there is no excuse for it, and he don't know why he has been doing it. Before this he still didn't want me to come home just yet, but now he wanted me to come home today, said he was studid, sorry and thinks he needs help. Says he love me wants us to work. Me I am lost, tore between telling him kiss my butt, or ok I will conquer this battle for the man I love more than anything. So I told him I would not come home yet, that he would call every one of the woman, with me sitting there, and tell them he lied to them, He told them he was going through a divorce. I did text mess. one last night and she said that is what he told her. I told him he like toying with womens heart. God how much do I take of this. How can I still love him after this? But I do so much.. I am angry. The trust is gone for me. Yes if I go home I have access to all way of communcation (cell, and home phone, and computer), but not in person contact. So can people make it work after all this. especailly my H having sex with another woman is almost unbearable.. Can it heal with time, how do you know if he is sincre this time or not. God I just need some advice please.

First...breathe.

You have come to the best place during your rollercoaster. MB has alot to offer.
Read everything here.

Can you heal with time? Yes, you can and you will make it through this. It will be the battle of your life no matter which direction you should choose to follow so be prepared for some hard work.

Your H sounds like he's in desperate need of MC/IC. Find it immediately for both of you.

Weekends are slow here at MB, so you should have more responses to your post tomorrow.

I will keep you in my prayers and if there is anything I can do to help today, just ask. I will check on you later tonight.

Breathe...
holiday

Hello,

I really feel for you. I'm in a sort of similar situation. My OH has in the last few years has been texting other women. Just recently (due to me snooping) I found out that as well as texting a woman, he actually had sex with her. It only happened once but I'm completely shocked and stunned. After I found a message he wrote detailing their 'affair' I confronted him and he admitted it. Apparently he is addicted to porn and used to fantasize about going around having sex with women.

It's been a month since I found out and I'm still trying to get my head around it. We've only been married four years but for a good chunk of them I know he's been flirting with other women. He always accused me of being stupid, nothing was happening it's all in my head. Now I know I was absolutely right, I wasn't being paranoid, I've known what he was like all along. I'm now trying to work out whether I will ever be able to trust him. He has lied to me so much. I have now turned into a clingy, jealous, suspicious person that I don't want to be. I now feel I have to spy on him all the time. He says he's not going to do it again but I can't really believe a word he says can I?

I've sent a rather nasty email to the woman involved, so at least it's kind of out in the open. I would tell a few more people but we live in a village where everyone knows everyone. I don't want to tell my family, I'm to ashamed. It's ruined everything. He's such an idiot, the woman lives in our blooming village, and is the daughter of one of our friends! We now can't go to the pub she works at, can't go to her dad's wedding anniversary celebration and can't see his band play, for worry of bumping into her. I can't even relax going to the shop in case she happens to walk by. I feel I might slap her or something. I know that my husband is the one that instigates texting all these women so I know he's mostly to blame. But I still can't help hating her!

Sorry for rabbitting on. I wanted to offer some advice but ended up going on about my problems, sorry. Only thing I can say is take care of yourself, try not to think about it too much. I'm thinking about it a lot today at work and it's making me livid, I just want to go home sick and stay there on my own for a few days. I hate him for making me feel like this.

Well I called and spoke to one of the 3-4 women last night. She said he told her he had filed for divorce already. Said I was crazy and so on. He told her he got invited out of town with someone this weekend, no string attached. And all along it was with me he was going, he planned the weekend wih me his wife. I also found out he has an ad on yahoo personal, he said he put it on there when we first split up. and he don't know how to delete it.. I told him I would me calling one other woman he had been fooling with, and he got an attitude, said he didn't need the BS today, he heard enough yesterday.. He said he could take care of calling them and telling them himself, I said I would call also to make damn sure, and of course he got more of an attitude. But he still says he loves me and is sorry and want us..Yes making this decision is so hard to do..I have been sick since yesterday, and I also hate him for that. This isn't the first time he has done this since we split, but I believed his promise, now should I believe him now and take a chance of getting hurt, or losing my H. I just don't know what to do.They say once a cheater always a cheater, how true is that?

Ok, I will try and make this update short..I am still on the roller coaster, I just can't seem to give up on our marriage even after all he has done to me. Crazy I must be. Well about 2 weeks ago I told him I was renting me a home and I didn't think I could do this anymore, I was confused and tired of being hurt.. I asked him when all this begin to delete all his contacts on the messenger and his personal that was on yahoo. He never would do it. But after I quit saying anything about it, and more or less telling him all this was draining me emotionally, and i was not sure if i could go on like this, he has taken care of all the getting rid of all the things,and other small things he is working on like show of affection,and so on..Is it to late? I am affraid to go home right now, Is the answer stay where I am get me a home here keep the job I got and work on our marriage. I am about 1 hour from him so not that far. I am scared of me going back and this not working, and scared of me giving up and losing something that could have been great. God I just don't know what to do, or how to do it. So any and all advice please come my way

Hey- you are not the one to leave the house! You stay put!

Expose that sorry SOB to his family and friends (right now, no wafffling around) with all the juicy details. He isn't acting like a man at all. That's how YOU take charge of the situation.

In the meantime read about Plan A, make yourself super nice wife woman, set your boundaries, and hang on for the ride. He does need MC and IC...get him to at least MC right away.

Now...move it! No time for crying!

Well I have been moved out since the first of june. And all this didn't start over him cheating, I never once ever suspected he would do this to me, but you never know..Plus our place is on his parents land,so not much choice i had to leave..He has asked me to come home about 3 weeks ago, but I told him no, for one I have a good job here, and scared I guess.. The job I could still keep but just alot more driving for me..His sisters knows all about it, and I figure his mother will, they will tell her, but right now my H father only has a few days to live.. He has agreed to go to MC as soon as i get an appointment set..How do I know he is being true, and honest with me..he said he would show me all the phone bill, and to check the computer. So is this all there is to go by..I want this to work, but I have heard sometimes in situations like this it never will work..I don't want to give up on our marriage, and I do love him, why I don't know..I want to hate him for what he has done to me, but I just cant seem to..Please tell me there is a chance in making our marriage work, and any advice how is well appreciated.

Let's just cut to the chase here...

You can't have a meaningful recovery from far away. Get back into the house, be nice to him without becoming a doormat, stick to your rules, and work like ****** to fix your marriage if you think it's worth it. Especially insist on a NC letter to the OM.

Pack your stuff and get home now. Don't screw around...if you like your M it's more important than any job.

Thanks for all the replys..I want to be home, just don't want anymore hurt that is all..I used to say we can fix all this, but now since the A's I don't seem to have that faith anymore..I have heard it go both ways, it will never be fixed, and you can fix it and be happier than before..

Ok I have a question, my H lost his dad wedsday, and had the funeral saturday. He is taking it pretty hard. I told him last night either I need to come home and us work it out together, or let each other go. But should I push for his response since his loss of father now, or give it some time..It has been 4 months total since our seperation and me moving an hour away..What if he says give it a little more time, I mean its been 4 months already. And if its agreement to come home, what do I do then? How do I act or say? I am so scared and confused..I love my H so much and want my marriage, but how much longer do I keep on with this especially if he still wants to hold off on me moving back in..And if my H does still me to hold off could it be his fathers death still taking a toll on him..I know so many questions, just need answers please help me out.

More updates..Ok I am still living apart from H. I have been working real hard on my marriage, but don't know how much more I can do.. I told him last week we couldn't keep doing this either I had to come home and us work it out or just end it, he never would give me an answer so I gave him a couple of days and asked him what he wanted..all he said was the biggest part of him wanted me home but the other part didn't because of the chance of fighting and doing this all over again..I feel the same but am willing to take that chance for my marriage..Also my H hasn't seen my boys (which are his stepsons) since this all started which has been 4 months, there is excuse after excuse, this weekend I was hoping he would open his eyes, but the same old thing, another excuse..He tells one time he wants me home, which my boys would be there too, then the next he says he wishes I could understand about him seeing the boys and how hard it would be for him, he don't make since..I am emotionally tore down, and tired of the constantly changing of my H mind. So the question is how much is enough? Or do I keep figthing for my marriage, and is there steps into fixing it..I just don't know what to do anymore, I love him, but he is hurting my boys so bad, I have to come up with excuses why he hasn't called or seen them in 4 months