How do you stop a Divorce? Is it worth it?

Is it possible to save your marriage when your wife is furiously insistent that she wants a divorce? She’s become a completely different person since I left for my naval deployment. I’ve been patient and positive about waiting until I get home (one month to go) before making anything final but that approach seems to be driving her nuts. She is a completely different person now. Emotionally, there’s no resemblance to the supportive and loving wife she was before this deployment. It’s not our first deployment and she ran the family support group now she’s become a self-absorbed monster. The following is an example of her latest outburst on a publicly viewable web journal she shares with her sorority sisters and me...

"Absolute frustration! Stop holding on to something that isn't there!!! It's driving me insane. Do you realize that the longer you hold on, the more it's going to hurt? You're being difficult even though you think it's good that you're trying but it has gotten to the point where you need to stop. You're moving quickly to my bad side and once there, I'm going to explode. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

I have another thread that goes more in-depth about the likelihood of OM, titled A Desperate Sailor. If you're interested, it's located in Infidelity: General Queations2. OM would explain her absolute refusal to try to make amends wouldn’t it? If anyone has any insight about what I can do, please help. I want my marriage to work, but it looks impossible.

-TX

1. Whether she wants it or not she cannot divorce you while you are deployed. It is against the law.

2. Keep at it, don't listen to her. She is living in fantasy affair land right now with you not there. Get back there and then figure things out. It is hard I know, I am in Iraq right now. But have patience.

3. Plan A, Plan B. She may think her life will be perfect with another guy or even single. But the grass IS greener on the other side. And once the fantasy is over and they/she has to face reality it won't be as green trust me. It may take a while depending on the problems you had before but, eventually it will.

4. Seek some couseling for you. You need to make sure you are able to hang in there. It is unfortunate that so many spouses are weak and unable to hang with their partner during a deployment but it happens a lot. Just keep plugging in there.

Hi TXGTR,

OK.

I'm going to share a tactic that worked for me, which came from a counsellor called Homer McDonald. It centres around not NEEDING her, as this makes her feel pressurised. If you're serious about getting her back, read his book "Stop Your Divorce" and follow the advice on agreeing with her, acting happy and not pressurising her. Use this in conjunction with the advise you get here and you'll be surprised how effectively you can win her back. It took me 9 months.

It worked for me, but be prepared - the road to recovery is a long one and painful one that both of you have to be prepared for. We weren't and as a result, things have failed. I'll be honest and say

Good luck, but you're only at the first hurdle if you want to recover the relationship.