What point should you give up on the marriage?

Is there any guidelines?

Not at this point right now, though I am probably asking since I am a bit depressed.

I am not looking for a specific suggestion for my case, but more general guidelines.

Wouldn't be able to answer that question. And if I can help it, I'll never know the answer.

I don't think that there are any guidelines as to when it's time for a divorce. I think that everyone's situation is different. Although according to Bible principles (if that's important to you) there's only one time when it's acceptable to divorce and that's in the case where adultry has been committed. And even with that, it's only ok for the innocent party in the marraige to divorce the other person. That's not to suggest that divorce is necessarily the answer if infidelity becomes the situation, but it is a means of last resort if reconsiliation can't be found after such a situation.
The marraige commitment is way too easily broken now-a-days. If there is ANY other alternative to your situation or to anyone's challenges within a marriage the "general guideline" should be that divorce is not an option since you vowed For Better AND For Worse, In Good Times and In Bad Times, "Until Death Do You Part".
Maybe you should pray for the answer to your question and go to The Word Of God for some real direction when it comes to this kind of situation.

for my husband..the time to give up was long ago...before he even met the ow...when he first thought about it

the time to divorce in his eyes...yesterday

for me?

whenever he files and i have run out of ways to stall or stop it

or when/if i decide i don't have the strength to hold on any longer

whichever comes first

Hello again, GWN:

Did you indicate elsewhere whether you two have children? That is a big factor. I know your not asking for yourself...however, after the night you had last evening I understand the context of this simple question.

I am not indicating that a BS must try harder or stay in a marriage just for the children. Or that I stayed for that reason. However, when you experience the turmoils of the affair it is so much easier to gain strength when you go and tuck in one of your sleeping children. You can just look at them and know you must fight for them by fighting for your marriage. However, in the long run I had to know my wife and I were staying happily married regardless of our daughter. A loveless marriage was not an option for me.

On the other hand, a childless couple isn't as complicated. Divorce is a much easier option and could be a much stronger Plan B as you usually have to wait in most places for a divorce to be finalized which provides time for reconciliation.

Another logical problem is that a restored marriage after an affair can be so much better than it was before an affair. This is a very likely outcome for most of us in this situation. I believe/know mine is better and I'm only a couple of months past D-Day. So there is no way you, GWN (or a similiarly positioned BS) can possibly know if your marriage will be better unless and until you do everything in your power to destroy/end your WW's affair. Unless you try you may be preemptively giving up your best shot at utter marital bliss in exchange for regret. So you owe it to yourself and your wife (not the fogged out WW you have before you but the one you actually married) to try.

Though you have the biblical right to "cast her out" the good Dr. Harley and myself encourage you and other BS just out of D-Day to wait. Try to bust up the affair and give your marriage a chance. Realize that emotional decisions are rarely, if ever, your best decisions.

That's the brillance of the MB plan. It lays out the frameword and best known path to marital reconciliation while beginning the process of individual recovery for the Betrayed Spouse. Plan A, Plan B with some 180 thrown in does work. In the unlikely event your WW fails to respond you'll be on with your life anyway and divorce will finally present itself to you as the final relief to the misery you've endured and already overcome.

By the way - Did you expose????? Are you developing your plan???? What happened when she came home?????

Much sympathy to you.

Mr. Wondering (again)

Final thought - If you are a religous. The answer may be easier than my whole post above. I'll repeat your so-called simple question:

Q: WHEN SHOULD YOU CONSIDER DIVORCE?

A: What is God telling you to do? If you haven't heard what God is telling you to do, then ask and keep asking until you do.

GWN
For me it was when my boundaries were unsustainably violated.

I was prepared to divorce if there was not NC, if my kids were more hurt with us together than they would be with us apart , or if Squid did not work on recovery hard after a decent amount of time.

Its a boundary measure IMO.

Just to update,

I updated my 'main' thread with what has happen since. I plan to start exposure today. FYI, we are a childless couple.