Wife is school teacher. She refused or "was unable to find a job she was willing to apply for. So starting tomorrow, contact with the OM begins.

She claims affair is over and that she will not talk to him. But she also says that she feels we should probably divorce. Maybe after some time apart we can come back together. She's not in love with me anymore. She has stopped wearing her wedding ring.

I'm a wreck and I guess I'm moving forward with the divorce. Slowly, but I am moving in that direction.

She says that she knows she has been disrespectful towards me, but she thinks she is a good person and that she would not behave this way towards another person.

She went to a baby shower today and pointed out that she now was wearing her ring (just for me, not herself).

Do I try and find out if there was contact, or just stay quiet and see what happens?

This is a horrible night. Actually this has been a horrible life since d-day.

Sounds like she is babbling. Please review kdh's thread. His Ws is babbling big time.

Learn how to use this info to help you stay strong.

Wearing the ring but needing to get the D sends a very conflicting message. Tell her so.

JMHO,
L.

Deliberate and avoidable contact with OM is a very bad thing GTO.

It will heighten your perimeter alwarm, and reset WWs withdrawal clock back to zero every time she sees OM in a positive context.

And it is deeply disrespectful to you.

If it were ME I would plan B now. Immediately. Let her see that life without you is worth her taking extraordinary measures to maintain NC.

You cannot make her maintain NC but yo MUST stand up for your self-respect. Read THIS THREAD to see what can happen if you do not stand up for your self respect NOW.

I agree with Orchid that WW's babbling, but I see that the fog will never dissipate while there is positive contact with OM.

All blessings.

And she needs to understand very clearly that if she lets you go THIS time, there is no NEXT time - that once you are free of her craziness, you are not likely to choose the same fire again because she has killed your love for her.

She makes it work now, or forget about it!

GTO, you have many horrible nights ahead of you in this situation, I am sad to say. You will never recover under these circumstances and will spend your days wondering if there has been contact. If it were me, I would move to Plan B, but I have suggested that before.

plan b----i wouldnt even think twice.

I agree about plan b. Last time I spoke to SH, he didn't think we were at plan b. I plan on calling him later this week or early next week to talk.

My wife is avoiding all talk about our relationship and the affair. I just want a legitimate committment and some honesty. Right now it doesn't look like I'm going to get it.

GTO, just wait and see what Steve says, then. He knows your case better than us and he is the professional.

I bought a Lotto ticket so I MUST have won!



Right?!?

GTO,
Caveat: I've tried to follow your story (recently), but admit that I really don't know all the details.

Having said that, in a lot of ways your WW is acting (serious conflicting messages, etc.) just as mine did, at relatively the same point in this madness.
And knowing what I know now, this is where I dropped the ball - BIG time. (This was months before I found MB)

I wouldn't trust ONE single thing she says OR does. No matter which side of the fence it alludes to.

IMO, she's either made up her mind, and is just buying time for now... or, more likely, she's in more turmoil than you could ever imagine, and has NO clue WHAT she's doing.

But once she gets back to school, with everyday contact with OM...

Not Good.

IOW, IMHO, Plan B... ASAP.

She called today on her way from work and dropping our daughter off at daycare. She was crying, saying she didn't understand why she was screwing up so bad. She has a great daughter and a husband who loves her, but she's just not sure about anything.

I think seeing the OM and going back to work has her pretty confused and depressed.

She can't commit to me or anything right now, so she's just going through the motions and doesn't care how much damage it causes.

WS in contact with OM my friend. That is this reaction.

Recovery just went 2 steps backward.

They talked. sounds as if some feelings rekindled.

She is again in withdrawal...

and imho...in danger of beginning affair again.

Call the Harleys ASAP! you need serious advice now!

Not from us...but from a professional and some...as our wonderful and guy I am fully behind...our President says...you need some stra-tee-geery!

Stay strong. Stay tough. Be stronger than the pain is painful. My gramma told me that one.!

lol peachy!

I am a firm believer and have always said ~ it is hard to work with the OM and watch "your mistake" (the OM) parade around in front of you and recover your marriage.

Susan

My wife is in major turmoil. She didn't sleep last night, she took two sleeping pills and still didn't sleep. She got mad at me when I asked if she was ok, she said I was smothering her. She said I never used to always ask if she was ok.

She again said affair was over and that I either needed to get over it or leave. She doesn't want to have to "report" to me about any meetings or if she sees him. I told her that I agree this does suck, but that this was the choice she made and if she wants to work things out, she needs to show that she's being open.

I did get her to agree to look for a new teaching positions for this school year, but I'm not sure she really meant it. It's a start though.

ok, it looks like my wife may not be as confused as I thought.

tgt may have gotten it right when he said "IMO, she's either made up her mind, and is just buying time for now... or, more likely, she's in more turmoil than you could ever imagine, and has NO clue WHAT she's doing."

I think she has made up her mind. I guess she told her mom that she is planning on putting the house up for sale after our daughters 4th birthday party. I didn't know this. We had discussed this once, but I didn't know this was definite or what she planned on doing. It looks like she is buying her time. I also found out she gave her dad (an attorney) a copy of the divorce papers I had written up at the beginning of summer. I guess he is looking them over. It sounds like she has made up her mind, she just hasn't let me in on it.

This is just crazy!

My xwh did that too...he squandered time.

My suggestion is to hire a private eye asap! Yep.

Install GPS on vehicle as well.

I'd get as much cheating evidence as possible for the "just in case" scenario.

My xh did it so that he's show that I "reconciled" with him after he cheated so (foggy thinking here) I couldn't claim adultery in my divorce...as I did anyway. I did attempt reconciliation...he claimed my "forgiving" him was that part also...and that when I re-filed for divorce, that the cause was NOT related to adultery...but irreconciliable differences...UH HEM..HE WAS STILL SHACKING UP WITH THE OW...I'D CALL THAT ADULTERY.

I think she's back in contact with him.

Imho...EITHER HER GUILT has torn her up inside over you...and over what she IS doing now...

Or she's torn up over seeing OM again and thinking the A might still go on.

Remember...the IL's take corners in a divorce...just like at a prize fight. Even the best relationships with the IL's get strained during affairs and divorce. They just can't believe their precious child could be so dastardly!

I thought my IL's might take sides and become a problem with rebuilding our marriage. My MIL was part of our problems prior to the affair.

Yesterday my wife informed me that she wanted to be married to someone who got along with her parents and that she couldn't divorce her parents, but could me.

She is still unsure if she wants a divorce, but she isn't unsure when it comes to saying that she is no longer in love with me. She asked if I could help make her love me, that she was in love with the idea of being in love with the father of her child and with being married. She believes it is up to me to make changes and that she is unwilling to do anything to work on the marriage. She said that it makes her sick how "sneaky" I am or was. I told her that nothing I did could compare to her sneaking behind my back and having an affair. She doesn't get it, she thinks what she did wasn't that bad.

She's still in the fog or she just wants out.

Sorry to hear how this is going for you, GTO. Of course, the "being sneaky" and all of that is her focus...because she'll refuse to see where SHE has made any mistakes.

I don't have any good advice for you friend, but I do hope that things improve for you!

The only other person that would take her with an STD is the OM provided he is the one who gave it to her. Does she understand that any new relationship will need to be started with the following conversation..." Before we get any closer I have to tell you something...I have a STD that I got from an affair and will give to you if we go any further"???