Las night my daughter(16) and I packed up my wifes clothes and gave her an ultamatum. She's told me that she can't go thru life without seeing or speaking to him. Daughter and I are just tired of her fence sitting and basically using us as lodging.
She left crying a little, but I'm sure that was short lived when she got to his place. He left his wife and kids, and everything has been exposed, small crossroad community.
What now, I did the best plan a I could have imagined, even she noticed and commented on it. I told her that she was on the cliff, we just gave her the push she has been so chicken to leap. I siad you took the leap without looking for our lifeline to grab on too, she said she didn't think there was one.
she is so far in the fog clouds, "they were meant to meet etc..." (yuck)
My daughter and I couldn't take it any more, it was her idea to pack her up, got bigger balls than her dad.

Plan b ?

Come on bigwave, join our little Plan B group. It sounds like it's time for you too.

Did you get the. "Honey we'll always be friends...We have to talk because of our daughter? crap too I 'm not as devestated as I was on d Day, but I feel an emptinessinside of me. She couldn't go to a girl friends for space, no sha ran right to him, whos filled her head with so much , opps I forgot, they're in love, they were destined to meet.
What about us?????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

This could actually work well for you.

Now she has to actually live with the OM. Reality will start to kick in. It's MUCH more different than just seeing someone for periods of time.

Sometimes we need a kick in the butt from our kids to get us pointed in the right direction. They are more perceptive than we give them credit for.

My daughter was awesome last night thru this, and she said that she finally got a good nite slepp, as she felt a descision had finally been made, even if we had to make it.

I hope your right about them finding out what it will be really like.

How many people have taken back their WS, after they had shacked up with the OM?

Not exactly the same as your situation, but my daughter reacted the same way when my wife left the house and spent a few days in a motel in preperation to fly away and live with OM. My wife was involved in an online EA, and hadn't met OM in person at all.

The second night my wife was in the motel, my daughter went into our bedroom and packed up my wife's clothes and stuff into boxes, since she knew I couldn't go in there at the time. (I was way to hurt at the time).

My wife didn't get on the plane...and the night she came home (but was still DEEP in the fog and just starting her withdrawl) she was totally SHOCKED that my daughter had done this...my wife never did understand how hurt and angry the kids were over this whole thing too.

But, we've done a GREAT job on recovery so far! It can get better friend!

Well ultimatums never work the only ones that work are ones that we make with ourselves....

what if she had agreed to stay...would have a lying woman staring you in the face using your ultimatum three days down the road...you made her stay....

this way..she gets to use the ultimatum by stating you made her leave three days down the road....

Plan A is ALL about fence sitters...
If you did a good plan A then you go to a good Plan b/...

Do not give her a plan B letter yet...
it will look like a sulking I didn't get my way manipulation ploy...

she can fire back..don't cry wah wah wah to me..
you are the one who told me to leave...

you should go in to a plan A...being really really nice with her for a week or so......

going plan B is exactly what she expects....
she expects you to not want to see her or talk to her right now....
who would???

so give her what she doesn't expect...
be nice..
wait a day then call and tell her hello...

see if she needs anything else of hers...be pleasant and nice.....but also be illusive if she wants something...

oooh can't get it to you Thursday night...I am going out with some friends....

and actually the whole weekends not so good...
got some things to do..

consider having mutual friends over this weekend....without her ofcourse...

get her attention from afar..
let her get curious
be not so available...

then the Plan B letter....

ARK^^

sound advice ark. thank you.
She has been so distant with me, and she was so chicken to make a descion, so my daughter made it for her. It did catch her by total surprise. I saw her this am, and she said this is insane, to which I agreed.
I plan pn going on with my life, as she will come over to gather some things tonite.

I guess the ultamatum was with myself, as I wasn't going to have my face rubbed in this affair anylonger.

Then tonight

have a plan..

have the house look great...
buy some new cologne...I'm serious..or dig up one in the cupboard that you haven't worn in a long time..
the smell of sense is a strong memory stimulator...

see if you can't print out some information of near by towns or trips that interest you and have them laying on the counter...

pull up an upcoming concert list in your area.....put that out as well

NO RELATIONSHIP TALK

ask her where she left her recipe for some dish you like..tell her you know someone who wants to make it for you.....

be kind
send her on her way...don't linger....
infact better if you are freshly showered when she arrives with plans to go somewhere....

better yet have someone call you on your cell while she is there and talk about meeting up with later...

get it...?????

not over the top as my post sounds...but much ado about nothing to gather her interest...even if she acts like she isn't paying any attention...

ps..
not too many calls and phone conversations though..

ARK

after 18yrs, now this crap.
Right now I feel as if I'm back at D Day. No hope, no future etc...

bump

bigwave, did you read ark's posts? She has given you some excellent advice. I would stick to Plan A for awhile to undo the damage of kicking her out, which only gives her some warped justification for continuing the affair.

This is far from over, so don't despair. We have seen much worse cases than this come back from the depths of ******.

Do you have Harley's book, Surviving an Affair?

Yes I did and will try to continue to the best of my ability. But it is so hard to not LB, they have a way of pushing buttons etc..
As far as any damge from kicking her out,ha, shewas going to go anyway in 2 weeks I found out. I will have to get that book as I feel as if I'm treading water with a cinder block on my feet.

spoke with WW this morning, no LB's fortunately. Shes getting some things from the house, said shes sad ,but she loves himetc..
Keep plan A?
I thought I read somehwere that you plan A for approx 6 months for WW